Want
by emily.down
Summary: A rewrite of the Season 3 finale and Season 4 with Damon and Bonnie front-center. R&R.
1. Chapter 1

_okay, so I needed to do this because Bonnie suddenly disappeared half-way through the episode and only returned to reveal Klaus is Tyler and I'm not okay with that. Also, I ship these two hard so there's that. And I really needed a different ending to season 3. I've changed a couple of things naturally, but there are some lines taken directly from the episode. _

_It starts with Alaric arriving at the warehouse and Bonnie hiding from him.  
_

_Please enjoy and tell me what you think:)_

* * *

The frustrating thing was that she had no idea whether it had worked properly.

That was the problem with magic; it was the least stable force in the world.

It always felt shaky, overlapping, chaotic and unmanageable. Being a powerful witch translated into being able to manage it. It was a tricky thing because if you didn't have a good grip on it, you could succumb to it in very nasty ways.

It was like walking on hot coals all the time; sometimes you got burnt, sometimes you didn't, but there was always the danger.

Maybe she wasn't such a powerful witch after all. She didn't feel so powerful at the moment anyway.

_What if it doesn't work? What if it backfires? ...What if it doesn't mean anything? _

_Am I really that confident or just very stupid? _

These were just her thoughts, though. No one else doubted her. Everyone knew how capable she was. Everyone trusted her. They feared her too, which was a pleasant new feeling.

She heard commotion on the corridor outside the storage room she had hid herself into.

Alaric had probably found Damon.

Admittedly, it wasn't such a good idea to let Damon handle this on his own seeing as he was limited strength-wise, but since there was no threat hanging over Klaus' life anymore, whether Alaric staked the Original or not was irrelevant and Damon deserved to be pushed around for a while. She hadn't exactly repaid him for what he had done to her mother.

She would only intervene if he was about to be staked.

In the meantime, she could try to channel Klaus' soul to check if it had reached its destination.

Could she have found or tried finding another vessel-hybrid to receive Klaus' soul? Probably, but it would have taken much more time and the chances of his survival would have been one to a hundred. Tyler was the safest logical choice. Was that fair to him or anyone else? Well, he had been doomed from the start.

The notion that she might be a murderer crossed her mind fleetingly but she disposed of it quickly before it took over. Whether she had ended Tyler's life or not was not of the essence right now. He would have been dead without Klaus anyway.

She wished she could be a fly on the wall and see what Alaric was doing or would do to Damon. So far, she'd only heard them chasing one after the other through the warehouse.

Bonnie leant against the wall wondering why she was even bothering to stay. What mattered if she left now? _Who_ would it matter to? She could take the car and never return to Mystic Falls again. She could leave everyone behind, let Alaric kill Damon, let her friends brave out the danger alone.

Sure, she'd be doing the exact same thing her mother had a while ago, but unlike her mother, she had done her duty to everyone, she had made sure to fill out the responsibility card. The only person she hadn't done anything for was herself. Maybe it was time to screw everyone over and skip town.

It was problematic, she realized. Problematic that as these thoughts crossed her mind she felt absolutely no pang of guilt or regret. It would be like going to bed; leaving without telling anyone, without caring to tell.

Who would follow her anyway? Caroline? Jeremy? Matt? Elena? Stefan? _Damon_?

She suddenly raised her head. She sensed a new presence. A vampire presence.

She heard a soft yelp coming from some feet away.

Rebekah. The beautiful blonde siren. Of course she was here. She was the kind of person who followed her brother blindly.

Even with an Original and a Salvatore, Alaric would still win, though.

It was ironic; how they were all running away, trying to stay alive while she was hiding safely in her corner, waiting for the storm to pass.

And it did, after a while.

Bonnie heard talking and yelling, but she did not come out. It was like someone had dropped a weight on her, a pleasant, warm weight, and she didn't want to move a single inch.

The absurdity of her situation dawned on her minutes later when a loud, mournful, staggering howl echoed through the corridors and she knew, standing with her eyes half-closed, her mouth exhaling softly, that right now, Damon was standing next to Rebekah, watching her as she cried her eyes out, because her dear brother was dead and burnt.

Alaric had probably found the coffin moments before and he had stared into Klaus' dead eyes with the satisfaction of having achieved his goal and after planting the stake he had revelled at the fire that had erupted and the flames engulfing a body that had already been abandoned.

It was absurd because Alaric had failed, Damon had failed, Rebekah had failed, everyone else had failed and they were all helpless and she wasn't.

She wasn't helpless at all. She did not have to fear Alaric, she did not have to fear anyone in the world.

_Am I really that confident or just very stupid?_

* * *

Finding Damon wasn't hard afterwards. Everything was so quiet that it was quite deceptive, but she couldn't feel Alaric's presence anymore so she supposed it was safe to come out for a while.

The Salvatore brother was lying down, leaning against the wheel of the car they were going to store the coffin in. The coffin stood motionless next to him, like a great big stain, a reminder of their failure.

He was talking on the phone. She heard him mention Stefan. So he was telling his brother that Klaus had died.

His voice sounded strained; he was probably trying to seem less desperate, less scared. As always, he was taking the cynical approach; it was more likely to him that Klaus had lied rather than have him and others die pointlessly.

He couldn't hide the crack in his voice, though, when he mentioned saying goodbye. He had never really entertained the possibility.

"Well, I guess you'll just have to say goodbye for both of us, won't you? Call me if you cough up a lung..." he drawled, staring into space with a sad look in his eye. He yearned to say more but he couldn't; there were no words left.

If this was it, he didn't want it to end on a depressing note.

"Is Stefan all right?"

He almost jumped out of his skin at the sound of her voice.

She had appeared from behind the car and she looked as if she was just passing by.

"Where the hell have you been? I thought you'd left or something," Damon snapped, getting up angrily.

Bonnie folded her arms, tilting her head to the side.

"I had to hide. What was I supposed to do? Greet Alaric at the entrance?"

"So you saw him come in? And you didn't think of warning me at all?" he asked, glaring at her as if it was all her fault.

"How was I going to warn you if he wasn't supposed to know we were _here_?" she countered, getting flustered.

"Well he _did_ know, Bonnie, and guess what? Your super witchy skills served for nothing. He found Klaus just fine and now he's dead as a doornail. Good job," he spat, walking away from her.

"Hold on, since when is this my fault? I did my _best_ to hide that coffin. Now you're blaming me for not stopping an all-powerful vampire from staking an Original? That was yours and Rebekah's job, not mine, so don't take it out on me!" she retorted bitterly, knowing he had no idea how much she'd helped them all and how he should be thanking her on his knees right now instead of treating her like the enemy.

It made her blood boil when she was so underappreciated, but it wasn't like she could tell him what she'd done. Not yet. Not until she knew for sure. Not until it was safe.

"Oh I do take it out on you, _Bonnie_, because everyone I know and care about might bite the dust because you weren't able to do that _one_ thing you were supposed to do!"

"Hey! I know this must be hard for you right now, but I'm on your side, you jerk! Even after all that you and your brother did. I'm trying to _help_ you, despite my better judgement. So back off!"

That seemed to cool him off a bit, because he just turned his back to her and sat down again, running a hand across his face tiredly.

"Well, that'll solve everything," she muttered, watching his slouched figure.

"Look, I don't feel like fighting with you, Judgy, not in my last hour, so just sit down and watch me die or something. You're even allowed to enjoy it."

Bonnie scowled, although she was amused by the idea.

"Gee, thanks. I'll get the popcorn." She rolled her eyes. "As much as I like seeing you get pushed around, I don't want you to actually _die_. I'm not that cold-hearted, you know."

"Could've fooled me," he quipped, smiling in her direction.

His phone started ringing again. Bonnie sat down on one of the crates nearby, watching intently.

"It's Elena," he muttered under his breath.

Bonnie perked up. "Ask her if she's okay."

"Yeah, thanks Captain Obvious," he lipped, turning away to answer.

The conversation started well, with Damon making his usual _droll_ remarks about life and death situations as if it was nothing to him.

"...I'm sure we'll have a laugh when we find out that Klaus is a big fat liar."

Bonnie rolled her eyes again. He was unbelievable, really.

Then, things started to slowly come apart and his ever-present smirk faded away alarmingly fast.

Bonnie leant forward, worried.

"...Stefan," she heard him say quietly, in a resigned voice, trying to squash the hope he'd built up for such a long time.

"Nah, I know, I get it," he went on, trying to brush it off as usual, but the pain was there.

"So...since I'm possibly a dead man," he began, fighting back the bitter disappointment, "can I ask you a question?"

He glanced towards Bonnie, who gave him a look he couldn't bear, and then he turned his back on her and spoke into the phone.

"If it was just down to him and me, and you had to make a choice, who got the goodbye?" he asked, forcing a smile, even though he knew it, he knew the answer. He was only twisting the knife further. "Who'd it be?"

There was a pause during which even Bonnie held her breath. She looked at his back, twisting her fingers, waiting for the outcome. She was almost sure it would be Stefan, but she felt nervous for Damon, nonetheless.

Then, his shoulders fell in on themselves, like two bricks from a crumbling building.

She winced. He'd gotten his final answer.

"Hey, I get it. It's Stefan," Damon quickly recovered, his tone as nonchalant as always. Bonnie blinked back in surprise, almost startled by his reaction.

He chuckled. "It's _always_ gonna be Stefan."

Bonnie sighed and looked down in her lap. For some reason she felt bad about this. It's not like she wanted Elena with Damon, but even she acknowledged that her friend had been more than "amicable" with him on several occasions. They had kissed several times and they cared about each other a lot. It was difficult to say now that she'd chosen Stefan for good.

"Yeah...maybe," Damon muttered after a while.

"Real soon... Goodbye, Elena," he said, an awful finality in his voice. He shut the phone and put it in his pocket absently.

"How much of that did you hear?" he asked, his back still towards her.

"Enough to figure out that you're probably...not over the moon," she murmured, watching him from under her thick eyelashes.

"Great," he said, turning around annoyed, "I'm so glad you were here to witness this."

"Hey, you said to enjoy it," she quipped, trying and failing miserably to make a joke.

Damon stared at her perplexed. "Wow, I've seen drying cement with more sense of humour than you."

"So, I should come up with better stuff while you wallow in self-misery?"

"Who's wallowing?" he asked, frowning. "What? That little setback? Water off a duck's back."

"Uh-uh. So you're not broken up that the girl you're in love with just picked your brother over you," Bonnie drawled, staring at him pointedly.

"Wow, you've missed your calling, Judgy. Better open up your own hotline, you don't wanna waste those pearls of wisdom, do you?"

"Sure, deflect, but it's not going to help you come to terms with this," Bonnie replied, raising her eyebrows.

"Why do you care so much anyway?" he asked annoyed.

"I don't actually. I don't know why I even bothered..." she muttered quickly, looking down.

"Don't beat yourself up. The only relationship you've had is with your Grimoire, it's understandable," he commented, shrugging his shoulders.

Bonnie glared at him scandalized.

"Not that it's any of your business, but I've had plenty of relationships, you asshole. And I can actually relate to being seconds to a Gilbert."

Damon stared at her confused. "You and Elena...?"

"Jeremy!" she exclaimed, frustrated.

"Oh, right, right," he said quickly. "I forgot you dated the twelve-year old. Wait, _he_ dumped _you_?"

"Not exactly. He was in love with someone else. And...things fell apart. At least you got rejected for your brother. I got rejected for a ghost."

Damon's eyebrows shot up in surprise and amusement.

"Anna?"

Bonnie nodded grimly.

"Wow. That is cold. You win this one; I can't think of anything more pathetic."

Bonnie scowled. "I'm looking at him."

Damon chuckled, shaking his head.

"Don't sweat it, witchy, Jeremy's an idiot. Everyone knows that. He'll probably fall in love with a toaster next, so I'm not surprised."

Bonnie smirked. "A toaster? Really? That's the first thing that popped into your head?"

"Hey, I'm giving you a pep talk here. Don't ruin it with technicalities."

"Pep talk? You're starting a hotline too, then?" she replied, smiling.

Damon tilted his head, laughing. "Oh, I see what you did there."

"I feel like you should be more depressed about this and I more serious. We shouldn't laugh, at least. I mean the situation's pretty bleak," she remarked.

"Yeah, nicely done, Bennett. You manage to ruin sad moments too. I didn't think it was possible," he said, a bit more soberly.

"So what now? Are you just going to sit here and wait to kick the bucket?" she asked, ignoring his comment.

Damon leant against the car, arms folded.

"Well what are you suggesting? It's bad enough that Klaus died and Elena decided to go for the boring brother. Now I have to spend the last hour of my life with you, Judgy McJudge."

"Oh, I'm sorry I'm not your usual glass of bourbon," she retorted, getting up.

What was she even doing there? she wondered. She should have left a long time ago, driven back to Mystic Falls...or away from Mystic Falls, anywhere but here. She was reverting to her goody-two-shoes persona again, and she hated it.

_You're doing this for yourself, Bonnie, remember? You're supposed to care about yourself this time. Damon's going to figure out he won't die eventually. _

But then again, if it _hadn't_ worked (because she was still not sure), if her magic had failed, he might _die_ either way.

It would take too long to get back in town and check for herself. She'd have a better chance of knowing if she stayed here.

"Oh, God, I'd kill for a drink right now. I've never needed one more," he said, contemplating the thought hungrily.

"You sure you can't conjure some booze? Turn water into wine? That kind of stuff?" he asked, watching her as she paced the room up and down.

"Are you asking me if I can be Jesus for you?" she asked incredulously.

"Eh. Worth a try."

"Well, logic is intact so far."

"I just need to...stop thinking, which I know must be a foreign concept to you."

"Oh, shut up. I _can_ actually do _that_," she said, stepping up to him with a mischievous glint in her eye.

"What? Not think?"

She sighed. "No. I can shut your brain off. Just let me give you a few, or say, a dozen aneurysms and voila."

He chuckled, pulling a strand of her hair playfully. "As exceedingly tempting as that sounds, I think I'm gonna skip the torture."

"Your loss," she replied, slapping his hand away.

"Yeah... still waiting on the water and wine thing, though," he joked, looking into her chocolate eyes.

"So you can only cope with difficult situations through alcohol. How mature."

"Well, there's a more _mature_ way I cope, Bonnie, but I'm afraid it's not possible right now..." he trailed off wistfully and his eyes suddenly caught the line of her neck and the heaving of her chest.

Bonnie licked her lips and for some reason he couldn't stop looking at them, pink and full, and then he realized he would never kiss Elena again and he remembered that it might be his last hour alive and Bonnie was here instead, this was happening, there was no turning back and he might as well go out with a blast.

He gave her such a strange and foreign look that it caught her completely off-guard and it made her stomach do a sudden and unexpected jump.

He had never –

Before she could finish that thought, he had already grabbed her hair and was smashing his lips on hers ruthlessly.

At first she was too shocked to react and that is why she made no movement.

He continued to press his lips on hers, waiting for something to happen.

When she opened her eyes and saw his dark blue ones so close, he drew away and exhaled deeply.

"Shit. I'm going legitimately crazy. Sorry, Judgy, I probably frightened you."

Bonnie's lips were tingling, but she couldn't muster a single word. She only felt oddly insulted by his presumption that he had scared her. Did she seem such a dork to him?

And suddenly, she realized why this was bothering her.

_Screw it. This counts, doesn't it? It's Damon and I'm doing this for myself. For myself only.  
_

She grabbed his jacket and pulled her to him, stood on her tiptoes and kissed him hard.

For a second, he had no idea what was happening, but then a smirk appeared at the corner of his lips and he kissed back with that dizzying intensity he knew would leave her breathless.

He grabbed her waist and ran her into the opposing wall, crushing her body against it.

Oddly enough, she didn't seem to mind. She had circled his shoulders and her hands were somewhere on his nape, tugging at his hair.

He hoisted her up and proceeded to push her lips open. His icy tongue invaded her mouth and her head started swirling. He was going so fast, the pace was so erratic that she almost couldn't keep up, but she fought back with her own tongue, biting into his.

_This is so very, very wrong. God is this wrong. _

But she was enjoying it too much to care and her mantra tonight was "I'm doing it for myself". She was going to stick to it.

Their tongues clashed and danced and he was pushing her even further into the wall as if he wanted to crush her bones and his hands were everywhere, on her back under her shirt, on her hip, pulling her leg up. They left a hot trail behind that only escalated as he went further.

His mouth moved to her neck and she gasped because his fangs grazed her skin lightly, but he returned to kissing quickly, not wishing to waste one moment.

His hands skilfully trailed her blouse down her shoulders and left the area exposed.

He was doing something far too enticing to her collarbone and jugular and she didn't want it to stop. She had closed her eyes, her hand in his hair and she was trying hard not to moan.

"Well, this is an interesting development," a voice drawled from somewhere far away.

They both froze, Damon's tongue on her skin, her hands on his shoulders.

Alaric was standing in the corridor, watching amused.

Damon slowly pulled away and wiped his mouth.

"Of course, the cock-block is never too far," he said, his voice tinged with frustration and something else, something hazy and indecipherable.

Bonnie herself was too dazed to speak. She bent down and picked up her blouse from the floor. Her cheeks felt hot and she could bet they were extremely red.

"Sorry to interrupt you two lovebirds but I've got to kill at least one of you and...time is of the essence," he finished, grinning madly.

Damon instinctively pushed Bonnie behind him.

"Do your best asshole," he retorted, glaring daggers at him.

But Bonnie stepped in front of him and raised her hands to zap his brains into the next wall.

"Oh, you think those tricks will work on me, little witch?" Alaric told her, smirking.

Before she could do anything, however, he suddenly stopped and pressed a hand to his heart. His face turned white with panic. His eyes darkened frighteningly.

Damon walked over to him. "Alaric?"

He collapsed on his knees with a heavy thud and blood came out of his mouth. He fell into Damon's arms.

Realization dawned on Damon. "No. No. No, it can't be."

Bonnie knelt next to him. "What is it? What's going on?"

"He's dying - He's - Elena –" Damon rambled, his face crumbling with sorrow.

Bonnie put a hand to her mouth and shut her eyes in pain. "No! That can't be possible!"

But Alaric was already lying motionless in his arms and his eyes were dead.

Damon was fighting back tears. "He's dead. That – that means she's dead."

Bonnie felt her own tears hot on her cheeks. "This can't be happening..."

Damon pushed away Alaric's body disgusted. "I knew I couldn't trust Stefan to keep her safe."

"That's not fair. We don't even know what happened. We need to get back immediately. We need to go now," she said getting up.

He nodded his head. He grabbed her hand which felt very heavy in his and he ran with them outside to the car.

* * *

He was driving blindly, not really seeing anything ahead of him, just doing it instinctively, like he'd done it a thousand times before. His mind was elsewhere.

The only thing he was aware of was Bonnie's presence next to him. She was breathing shakily, silently crying.

He felt the warmth radiating off her body and memories of their kisses flashed before his eyes before he pushed them back.

He couldn't think of that right now, he couldn't even begin to explain what had happened.

He only felt a vague sense of guilt that he had been laughing and making out with Elena's best friend while she was dying.

Similar thoughts were going through Bonnie's head, only hers were even more guilt-ridden.

They refused to look at each other, but their hands sometimes grazed accidentally.

The problem was – and it was a problem, since it was scratching at the back of his head like an open wound – that he didn't feel guilty enough. And her presence was not helping. In fact, it was making him hate himself, because he had wanted her. And he wanted her, still.

And Bonnie hated herself, because she had wanted him. And he wanted him, still.


	2. Chapter 2

_well, I decided to add a few more chapters to this story since it's gotten a lot of positive feedback for which I am very grateful and happy (this fandom is pretty damn awesome, so thanks to all you lovely reviewers, anonymous or not), but I should warn you, I don't have the time to update this on a weekly basis so I will probably and most likely not keep up with the episodes. The story will veer off course at some point either way.  
_

_We'll see how it goes.  
_

_This chapter follows through the first episode of season four. A couple of lines are taken directly from the transcript.  
_

_Hope you enjoy and please review :)  
_

* * *

"I'm gonna go to the hospital," Damon told her in a bleak voice.

His face was ashen and his lips were curled up in a powerless sneer. He wanted to wreak havoc, wanted revenge, wanted to take it out on the whole world, but he was almost too dejected to even try. It was as if he was fighting off an exhausting rage.

Bonnie got out of the car shakily, pressing the call button for the umpteenth time. Stefan just wouldn't answer. He was probably too devastated.

"I'm coming with you," she said, looking up from the phone, dry tears on her cheeks.

"No, you're not," Damon countered immediately. "You're not coming anywhere with _me_."

He had said it in a very cold and spiteful tone. If the circumstances had been different, she would have given him a piece of her mind, but the girl he was in love with and her very own best friend had just died. This kind of reaction was to be expected.

"Go home. Cry it out. Just don't stand in my way," he added, not sparing her a look.

"Stefan's still not answering," Bonnie continued defiantly, ignoring his words, "don't you think that's important? We have to find him, we have to find out what happened, maybe she's not dead yet-"

"I don't need to call him. I know Stefan is the one who let Elena die," he replied in the same eerie voice.

She wanted to contradict him, but something made her choke up; maybe it was the certainty in his eyes, the certainty that Elena was dead, or maybe it was the feeling that any moment now he would leave her and never come back -

But he was already gone.

And would never come back.

* * *

"She's going to become what she always dreaded she would. What _I_ always dreaded she would."

Jeremy nodded his head, his eyes engulfed in tears. They were holding hands and she could feel the warmth through her skin, a warmth she would never feel from Elena again, unless she prevented her transition.

"It's the worst state there is; being stuck between the dead and the living. You don't belong anywhere," Bonnie muttered, thinking back to the events of the previous night.

"Bonnie? Are you okay?" Jeremy asked concerned.

"Me? I'm fine. We shouldn't be worrying about me. We have to get your sister back," she said, forcing a determined look on her face.

"Let's get to work. We still have some hours left. And I don't want to waste them."

* * *

"She's cheated death too many times, Stefan. It's either now or never. No magic is going to change that, do you hear me? She needs to feed on human blood and move on, it's as simple as that," Damon told him, chugging back the glass of bourbon.

"It's _never_ been as simple as that, Damon. How can you move on from death?"

"Easy. You _don't_ die. Or in your case, you don't let her die. But I guess it's too late for that so you're just going to have to _suck_ it up."

Stefan's entire face closed in on itself in pain.

"Or, you know, go for option number three: let the witch handle it. Glad it's not too late for _that_."

"Damon - "

"Oh, speaking of which, maybe you'll manage to kill her off too. I mean you're on a roll, brother. Why stop now?"

* * *

He almost wanted to call her as he left Elena's house. He didn't know why. Maybe to check if she hadn't really died. It was silly and absurd of course, but everyone he cared about seemed to be dying. And he knew he wasn't far from the truth. Bonnie might just do some stupid noble thing to save Elena. The same stupid noble thing he would do. He'd just have to trust that she was powerful enough to survive.

Although, if it came down to who would live, between Bonnie or Elena, he wasn't exactly concerned for the former's life. He knew that if there was any possibility for Bonnie to give Elena what she wanted, at the expense of her life, he would gladly let her -

But would he?

Yes.

Well, maybe he wouldn't have to.

But if he did, then -

No.

No. Maybe not yet.

The previous night hadn't faded from memory and it was that damnable kiss that made this hypothetical situation seem more difficult than before.

It wasn't going to happen, though. Why think about it now? This wasn't about Bonnie. Nobody had to die. It was only Elena that had to feed. And surely, someone as selfless as her would see the benefit of doing that instead of letting others suffer the consequences.

* * *

Bonnie fell into Jeremy's arms like dead weight. She didn't like this feeling of complete imponderability. There was no earth beneath her feet. The spirits were not going to let her land. Her grandmother had pulled her back through the gates, but for one glorious moment, she had walked among the undead, she had sunk her soul into those dark edges and she had come back, free.

And Elena?

_She is not your problem,_ her grandmother had said.

But maybe she didn't just want to save Elena for herself. Maybe she wanted to save her for everybody else. There were so many who needed her. It wasn't just Jeremy. She needed her too. Stefan needed her. Damon needed her.

Elena was their pillar. Elena couldn't become a vampire, because then it would mean that it had all been in vain, it would mean that she had been kissing Damon while-

She extricated herself from Jeremy's arms.

"I need to be alone."

* * *

"It didn't work, Damon. Bonnie tried, but she couldn't get Elena to the other side. Something wouldn't let her. It almost killed her," Jeremy was telling him on the phone.

Damon was standing in front of the pastor's ranch, sizing it up in interest.

"Why run to me with the news? I knew from the start your little plan would fail. That's why I'm going to get it done for you," he replied, listening carefully for any sign of Bonnie on the other line.

"Is the witch with you?" he asked nonchalantly.

"She's resting. She had a pretty rough session...Damon what are you going to do?"

"Tell Bonnie to stop wasting her powers. We need her in top shape," he said, his mind suddenly flashing to one of her famous aneurysms. He almost winced.

"As for me, I'm going to bash some religious brains in. And maybe quarterback too," he added, glaring at Matt standing next to him.

There was an urge to kill that boy and he almost wanted to give in.

* * *

"You were gonna kill him," Elena said in a reproachful tone as she sped up to him. It didn't feel any different between them now that she was a vampire.

"Yup. Guy just _won't_ die."

"It was _my_ choice to save him. Why aren't you seeing that?"

"It's a little hard to keep track of _all_ your choices lately, Elena."

He was about to walk away, but she told him what he had been expecting to hear all night.

"I remember everything."

He paused.

"One of the highlights of my transition; remembering everything that you compelled me to forget. Like how you and I met first. You're the stranger that told me you wanted me to get everything I wanted from life. Damon, why didn't you tell me?"

"Would it've made a difference?" he asked dryly.

Her expression didn't change.

"Didn't think so."

"You asked me to make a choice, Damon, so I did. If you're gonna be mad, then take it out on me. Not on Stefan or Matt or anyone else. _Me_."

"Are we done here?"

Elena felt like she had been slapped.

"No, we're _not_, because you still don't get it, Damon! You don't get that sometimes you have to let go. That sometimes you have to save the other person! That sometimes you can't-"

"I kissed Bonnie."

There, he had said it. He'd finally freed himself of that indiscretion.

He hadn't meant to say it right there and then, but Elena _had_ pushed him.

"Wh-what?"

She was in shock. "What do you mean you -"

"Kissed Bonnie. Yes."

"But she -"

"Kissed me back."

Elena shook her head. Everything was spinning around her at an alarming speed.

"No. She wouldn't do that -"

"But she did. Against all odds. We kissed. Actually, we made out for a little while."

"When-"

"It happened while you were dying."

Each word felt like a bullet, ricocheting off her skin. It shouldn't have hurt as much as it did, but - _remember what Stefan said_ - everything was heightened.

"What did you _do_ to her?"

"Didn't you hear? _We_ kissed, as in I kissed her and she kissed me. It's a two-way street."

Elena opened and shut her mouth several times.

"You're lying."

"Why would I do that?"

Elena faltered, looking down, angry with herself.

_To make me jealous_, was the unspoken answer that hung between them.

Elena almost wanted to cry and she had no idea why. Maybe it was the fact that she kept replaying that scene in her bedroom - the freshly remembered one - where Damon had told her he loved her. It didn't make sense that he would love her so deeply in the past and then do something as reckless as kissing her best friend in the future.

She felt awful, awful for even thinking about it.

"I have to go," she murmured and ran out of his sight back towards the barn.

* * *

Damon felt awful too. He had never been that petty or that desperate before.

Safe to say he would have never resorted to this a couple of years ago. Well, he wouldn't have bothered much a couple of years ago.

Now he was calling Bonnie. And was hoping she would answer too.

It rang for a couple of times but she didn't pick it up.

He cursed under his breath. He _could_ leave her a message.

* * *

Bonnie was curled up on her sofa, blankets over her shaking body. She was crying quietly. It was just like the first time, only it stung deeper.

And she wondered how many more times Gran would die, how many more times she would lie like this and sob until she lost all consciousness.

Her phone was beeping and lighting up on the coffee table next to her feet.

She almost wanted to throw it against the wall.

But she didn't. She shut it off completely.

* * *

_Bonnie. I did something...something stupid. Call me back. I told Elena. Just call me back._


	3. Chapter 3

_fast update because I wanted to get **Memorial** done before the new episode.  
_

_am so overwhelmed by all the love and encouragements! you guys are so terrific, I have no words to describe how lovely you are: **mehr03, justareader13, Guest(1), Trulzxoxo, jasmyn4057, Hellzz-on-Earth, Thingsnstuff, Alexis, Kaykay, guest, Guest(2), jenkins ALOHA, Vie.**  
_

_I hope you enjoy this chapter as well, I like it a bit more than the previous one, but you'll be the judges of that._

_thanks so much for all your support :)  
_

* * *

The light was pouring in through every orifice. It didn't matter that she had pulled the curtains. Morning had a very persistent way of entering her room. She pushed back the blanket and stumbled towards the kitchen for a glass of water.

_Maybe I'll try a simple nature spell_, she thought, wincing at the sudden contact with the cold tiles.

Surely, her magic couldn't be gone. It couldn't have been drained. Not all of it.

_The least stable force in the world_ she'd called it. It had gone through her, in and out, and now she was on the other side.

She was _normal_, more normal than usual.

Maybe not entirely normal. Maybe it wasn't the time to think of tragedies.

She walked towards the potted cactus on the window sill and held her fingers above the thorns. It was cool and pleasant, the feeling.

_That's it, hang on to that. Don't let go. _

The exhaustion was there, but if she wished hard enough, if she pulled every nerve until it was completely taut, if she let every other thought go, if she immersed herself completely in every one of these thorns -

Grams was sitting by the stove and she was holding a lit match between her fingers. It burnt in front of her eyes with the strength of a thousand fires.

Bit by bit, her grandmother was swallowed by that yellow brilliance. Slowly, but surely, the fire engulfed her.

And instead of grief and pain she only felt anger.

Angry that she couldn't move, couldn't extend her hand to put the fire out, angry because she had to stay still to keep the spell alive - her fingers above the thorns - angry because any moment now she would fail and then it would really not matter what happened to her magic, because Grams would be engulfed, forever.

Soon she would disappear. There would only be ash.

Bonnie shut her eyes, unshed tears stinging her eyelids as she sunk her fingers into the earth inside the pot.

A mushy, soft feeling and then lips on her lips, the same lips that could grin and kiss at the same time and she lifted her chin so he could grab it playfully and deepen the kiss and her tongue swept past his like a wave reaching for the shore and oh, how lovely and terrifying to be kissed by a stranger -

Damon brushed the strands of hair out of her face with an almost torturous slowness, making sure that every inch of her face felt warm and ticklish.

He leant his face into her neck as if to whisper something she would laugh at, his fingers tracing the blouse down her shoulders.

Alaric wouldn't interrupt them this time around.

It fell to the floor with a soft pulse, just like last time.

The next minute she had dropped the cactus on the floor and the pot smashed into smithereens.

So much for a simple nature spell.

* * *

Elena wanted to celebrate, wanted to tell him her secrets, wanted to be loved intensely, recklessly now that she was not alive anymore. But Stefan placed the cold champagne bottle in her hand and her head swam with words and memories. And all she could think of was the blood she had thrown up that morning and Bonnie kissing Damon in a warehouse, miles away. Both things turned her stomach upside down for unknown reasons.

No, maybe not unknown. She knew very well what was wrong.

She didn't believe for one minute that the kiss had been mutual. Damon _must_ have compelled her. It had to be.

But why had he done it? Had he just wanted a quick fix? Was it because Bonnie had been the only one around? That wasn't fair to her friend.

Damon must have turned to her when she'd rejected him.

_And what if he does it again? _

* * *

"Am I wearing my "I killed the Council Members" T-Shirt? Why does everyone keep asking me this?"

Elena narrowed her eyes at him. "Well, did you?"

"_No_. Is that what you came here for?"

Elena argued with herself. Should she tell him or not? What was she trying to find in him that Stefan couldn't give her?

Understanding.

* * *

Damon was shoved into the bathroom wall unceremoniously as Elena drank from his hand without any restraint. He shut his eyes in pleasure, one hand caressing her hair gently, the other, mercilessly punctured and drained by her sharp teeth.

For a few moments there was nothing else and he felt close to ecstasy.

And then he saw clearly a dark figure coming towards him, hair pulled in a tight bun, necklace swinging back and forth, long legs glistening in the moonlight. She walked past him towards an entrance and even though he was barely standing, he followed her in.

He saw her kneel next to a dying man.

She extended her hand to his lips and Alaric - because it was Alaric, after all - first moved his mouth shyly over her palm, then sank his teeth in with a pop and started drinking greedily, happily. Bonnie was in ecstasy herself. She lowered herself even further and allowed him access to her throat as well.

Alaric pulled her towards him until she was straddling him and she hung her head back and sighed in pleasure.

And Damon realized with a sickening pang that this wasn't his imagination playing tricks on him.

This was a memory.

He thought he had been unconscious after Bonnie had shut his mind off. He thought he had lain there in the grass for hours, but in fact, he had crawled after her desperately, he had wanted to stop her, and he had seen her treachery, had witnessed her giving Alaric blood, offering herself like an exquisite dish to be enjoyed by him and him only.

He had seen that same ecstasy on her face. The necklace swinging back and forth.

"Okay, that's enough, Elena. I said that's _enough_."

He shoved her gently away from him. The pleasure had vanished. It's always short-lived.

"I'm - I'm sorry, I went overboard."

"It's fine."

She cleaned up the blood on her chin and licked her fingers.

"Damon, did you compel Bonnie? Did you - did you make her forget that kiss? Like you did with me?"

His expression instantly hardened.

"So, this is what it's all been about. It's not the blood, you just can't live with _this_."

Elena looked down, feeling just as famished as before, if not more.

"No, Damon. I really do need your help. But I need you to be honest with me. Did you -"

"No. I couldn't compel her even if I tried."

* * *

Stefan called him as he walked out of the bar and let him know that Tyler had been shot and that the bullets were specially crafted to kill a vampire instantly.

"It might be magic, Damon. We have to get Bonnie."

"I'm on my way," he muttered, a grim smirk on his face. She hadn't answered any of his calls, either way.

It was time for a visit.

* * *

The knocking was infernal. It just wouldn't stop. Like a woodpecker driving her insane. She screwed her eyes shut and tried thinking of a happy place.

She felt warm and aloof, ready to sleep. Now if only that knocking stopped -

"Bonnie! I know you're in there, I can hear you breathing!"

Oh God, Damon. Damon and his leather jacket and that smirk and that hateful nonchalance.

Was it another fever dream?

No, she had stored too much self-loathing to let that happen.

"I can stand here all day you know, shouting and knocking. I know you'd looove that."

She rolled her eyes and slowly raised herself, head dizzy from the sudden shift in balance.

Finding her way to the door was difficult and she could already see Damon's impatient expression on the other side of the window, waiting for her to open up.

"What do you want, Damon?"

"Just some friendly chitchat. You haven't been answering my calls," he replied, holding his phone up. "So I thought I should come over."

She unlocked the door and peered from behind it unsure. The glare of the light almost blinded her.

"Jesus, you look ready to die. Been cooked up in there since yesterday?"

She parted the door, because she realized he wasn't allowed in.

Damon didn't. He put his foot forward but was suddenly met with an invisible wall. Impenetrable. She was a fortress.

"Oh," he remarked annoyed. "Forgot about that little inconvenience. Invite me in, Bonnie."

She frowned and straightened her back. "Why would I do that?"

Damon was not amused.

"So I don't look like a complete moron, talking to you on your porch."

Bonnie shook her head. "I think you can handle that. I'm not letting you in."

Damon sighed, looking away frustrated. "Look, I know you're probably upset about last night, but trust me, I didn't intend to let Elena know. It just slipped out, okay? I was pissed off and she just pushed the wrong buttons. If she gives you a hard time, I'll tell her anything she needs to hear. I don't want her on your back. I've already got her on mine."

Bonnie's eyes widened considerably.

"Wait. What? You told Elena? About...us?"

Damon seemed confused. "Didn't you get my message?"

She shook her head. "I shut off my phone."

But everything else she might've said trailed off her lips into nothingness, because the previous morning's failed effort and this new unpleasant reminder of the kiss put a fresh strain on her already frail physical and emotional state and she started to rock back and forth, her body stumbling into his almost without her realizing it.

He was lucky enough to catch her from falling right across the doorway into his chest, but he was momentarily immobilized by her weight and the awkward position of her body. He tried to shift the angle and pull her into his arms, but he realized with a groan that he wasn't allowed in.

He couldn't drag her out, he couldn't come in.

He grabbed her chin and slapped her cheeks softly.

"Bonnie. Bonnie, please invite me in. Bonnie, you gotta invite me in."

She saw black lights and white flashes.

"Goddammit, Bonnie, let me in!"

She managed to nod her head weakly and the next moment he was carrying her across the threshold into her living room.

* * *

When her eyelids flickered open, she was met with his steel blue gaze.

He was holding a steaming cup in front of her nose. It smelt of mint and honey.

She smiled goofily, touching the hot surface, enjoying the warmth.

"No, little witch, you're not in heaven yet. But I might put you there if you pull another stunt like that."

She tried to get up fully, but he pressed a hand on her shoulder and she glided back, head on the pillow.

"Easy. You don't want a repeat, do you?"

The weight shifted on the sofa as he leant forward, grabbed her waist, elbow digging into her spine, hand at the base of her nape and pressed the mug to her lips.

"Drink up."

She gave him a searching look and eyed the mug suspiciously.

"You seriously think I put something in your tea."

"You never know," she muttered hoarsely.

"What could I possibly give you that would put you in a worse state?"

She seemed to be thinking about the possibilities.

"A ruffie."

Damon chuckled amused. "I swear on my Girl Scout honor it's not a ruffie."

"Well, if it's your Girl Scout honor..." she trailed off, tilting her head so she could sip.

* * *

"What happened?"

"Grams."

"Your grandmother?"

"Yeah. She - I saw her in front of my eyes. It was horrible."

"When did you see her?"

"Last night. She was being punished. For my sake. Because I hadn't listened to her. She'd told me to stay away from dark magic."

"But you didn't."

"No."

"Elena...?"

"No. Wasn't her fault."

"Then...?"

"Tyler. I mean Klaus. He forced my hand."

"I see."

"Damon?"

"Hm?"

"Tell Stefan I'll come look at those bullets. And thanks for the tea."

"Wasn't that big of a deal. Listen, I'll take care of Elena for you. She won't bother you."

"I - please don't. I don't wanna talk about it."

"Why not? It's not like we meant for it to happen."

"..."

"No one else will find out, all right? It was a mistake. A very stupid and circumstantial mistake. So stop feeling bad about it."

_I don't feel bad about it._

"It literally meant nothing. Less than nothing since we both thought I was a goner."

_But I was almost sure you weren't._

"I guess you're right. I just wish you hadn't told Elena. You can be so reckless sometimes."

"..."

"Is she - does she feel bad about it?"

"I don't know. She's acting out, but she doesn't even know what she wants."

"Do you _want_ her to feel bad?"

* * *

The lanterns floated up into the air and she didn't feel bad anymore. Not as bad as she had a previous moments ago, when the weight was still pulling her down.

Now everyone's faces were lit up and there was a smile hidden somewhere in between, she could feel it growing, a glimmer of hope.

Stefan held her in his arms and she realized she'd been a hypocrite.

Her eyes finally rested on Bonnie. She was standing on the bench, hair falling into her eyes, expression unreadable.

Bonnie smiled weakly, trying to reach out to her. Elena tried and failed to smile back, but she nodded her head encouragingly.

It would take some time for the Petrova doppelgänger to understand that one of her loves had strayed.

* * *

Standing in front of Alaric's grave felt like a travesty. Especially with the current thoughts running through his head. The vulnerability was there, but he couldn't talk to him yet. Couldn't pour his heart out. The scenes played over and over again, different lighting, same direction.

Alaric had enjoyed Bonnie Bennett and that somehow made the gap grow a little bit wider, even beyond death.

"Didn't get the girl, remember? I'm just stuck here, fighting with my brother, taking care of the kids. You owe me _big_," he murmured sadly, thinking of how Alaric should have kept him from Elena and then kept himself from Bonnie. How twisted, how unlikely.

"I miss you too, buddy," Alaric's ghost whispered in his ear and Damon felt the memory lose its hold on him, even though it was still there.

* * *

"Ah, Damon Salvatore. Whatever brings you to my humble abode? I don't suppose you are here to congratulate me -"

Klaus did not see it coming because he did not expect it to come quite so fast. Damon was usually angry about something, but he always liked a bit of banter first.

Now, all decorum had been thrown out the window.

Well, he was almost _literally_ thrown out the window.

"Next time, find your own witch to do your bidding."

Klaus grinned madly.

"Why, I thought she _was_ my witch."

Damon's eyes narrowed dangerously.

"Is she suffering on my account?" Klaus asked, feigning distress. "Poor child. I forgot to thank her properly. Maybe I should do it in person."

Damon clenched his fists.

"You do that and I finish what Alaric started."

"Is that a promise?"

"More like a certainty."


	4. Chapter 4

_wow, another fast update on my part. I'm in a good place right now :) So this one's for **The Rager**, obviously.  
_

_and once again the fandom's blown me away with the wonderful reviews and support. you're amazing. seriously, your dedication to Bonnie and Damon is awesome, makes me forget it's not happening on the show :)  
_

_thanks to anonymous reviewers as well: **Guest** (glad the Alaric memory didn't feel forced, I enjoyed writing it:) ), **Alexis** (aww, thank you), **guest2 D** (wow, that's an amazing metaphor, dark rich chocolate, lovely), **Vie** (thank you, I wished my version or something similar to it had played on TV instead, oh well:) )  
_

_I don't know what you'll think of this chapter. It's slightly different. I hope you like the changes I made to the episode.  
_

_Let me know.  
_

* * *

Bonnie felt the mother of all headaches coming over her as she swung her legs out of bed. Dizzy and bleary-eyed, she nearly missed the bathroom.

_Don't throw up in the shower. Don't throw up in the shower. Don't do it._

Leaning her forehead against the cold tiles, she tried to swallow down the nausea. It proved to be difficult. She felt as if she had drunk her weight in beer, or something equally disgusting.

That tea had put her straight to sleep after Damon had left. She was beginning to wonder if he hadn't _really_ put something in it.

She would have been able to tell, though, wouldn't she?

_Nope. You forgot you're on probation._ _No more awesome powers for you. _

She groaned into the wall and let the hot water run down her skin. It would have been wonderful if someone could have done the job for her; get washed, get dressed, eat, go to school, smile like senior year is the only main event in your life, go home, do homework, don't obsess over lack of magic, stay out of trouble, have a normal, boring life -

Her phone started ringing. She had left it in her bedroom but she could hear the obnoxious pop song through the walls.

Bonnie decided to ignore it for now. Whoever it was could wait. There was no way something else had happened in such a short time.

But the phone kept ringing insistently. Over and over again.

Eventually, it went to messages.

_"Morning, Bon-Bon. Hope I'm not interrupting any depressing life crisis again but I sort of need your help. So if you could pick up your phone that would be peachy."_

She sighed and hit her head against the tiles. She'd never get rid of him, would she?

* * *

Damon sniffed the air in mild interest.

"Is that... lemon? Do I smell lemon?"

Bonnie rolled her eyes. "Just my shampoo. How the hell did you get yourself in this mess?"

"Uh, sorry, you use lemon-scented shampoo? I mean I know you're a pretty dull human being, but _really_?"

"Do you want me to help you or should I just let you combust into tiny vampire flames?"

"Ha. Ha."

Bonnie grabbed the knife and started working on cutting Connor's deadly arrows from Damon's back. It wasn't exactly easy. But he wasn't making it easy for her.

"So how come you didn't call Stefan?"

"Are you wet? You're dripping _all_ over me."

Bonnie flipped her wet locks into his face.

"Ouch! What'd you do that for?"

"You know why. Now tell me why you didn't call Stefan."

Damon sighed. "You just want to hear me say it, don't you?"

There was a pause. "Maybe."

"Fine. Yes. As ashamed as I am to admit it, my little brother still goes to high school."

Bonnie hit him on the head with the handle of the knife.

"Could you stop doing that?! I actually preferred it when you zapped my brains."

"Oh, trust me, it's the first thing I'll do once I get my powers back," she retorted.

Damon would have wanted to make a smart comment about her magic-less condition, but he realized he was still at her mercy. And he knew not to push it.

"So, you came here straight from the shower?"

Then again...

"I feel flattered. I mean you didn't even dry your hair."

"Yeah, well, you made it sound pretty urgent. Had I known it was only your safety involved, I probably wouldn't have bothered."

Damon snorted. "Oh, come on. You were desperate to get your hands on me again."

Bonnie wondered if leaving him there would be such a terrible thing, after all.

"So, no more clever comebacks?" he drawled.

"Oh, shut up. You're the one who's trapped in this creep's trailer while your brother's out enjoying eternity with the girl who broke your heart."

"Wow. Touché, Bonnie. Touché."

* * *

"So what do you reckon this greater evil might be?" Damon asked once they were out of the trailer.

"I don't know and frankly, I don't care, since I can't do much about it right now. This vampire hunter, though, how much trouble is he?"

"Enough. I mean if you couldn't tell already, he's out to kill us all. Brainwashed idiot, if you ask me."

Bonnie rolled her eyes. "Right. Cuz you're all such a wonderful bunch, why would anyone try to kill you?"

"My thoughts exactly. Listen, there's something fishy about the guy. He's got these tattoos. Jeremy's the only who can see them."

"Jeremy?"

"Yeah. So I'll need his help to catch him."

"Damon, don't bring Jeremy into this; the guy practically stabbed April to death and shot Tyler in front of everyone, remember?"

"Yes and he _won't_ harm Jeremy because he'll be interested to know why the kid's so special."

"How can you be so sure about that when not even a hybrid was enough to -"

"Look, just trust me on this, all right?" he snapped impatiently. "And don't get so excited, your precious Jeremy won't die while I'm around."

"He's not my -"

"Sure, but you wish he was."

She glared at him.

"Hey, Gilbert fans need to stick together."

* * *

Elena sighed and looked down at her feet, reluctant to admit what she really wanted.

"You don't want alcohol do you?"

Damon had read her mind. He always did. It drove her mad at times, how good he was at this.

"You think I'd actually leave the last remaining white-oak stake where any vampire could just walk in and take it?"

Admittedly, that _had_ been a stupid assumption.

Damon started unbuttoning his shirt and that is when Elena noticed his wound.

"W-What happened to you?"

"Hunter mishap. Luckily, Bonnie was there to help."

Elena suppressed a grimace and tried to sound nonchalant.

"Oh. Bonnie?"

"Yep. She's really good with knives."

Elena's stomach did a double-flip. Anxiety. Excitement. Rage. All packed into one giant heap of insanity. _Bonnie is a friend. She's not Rebekah. She's my friend._

"You all right?"

Elena nodded her head absently.

Damon smiled to himself. He knew he shouldn't be enjoying this. He knew he should put a stop to it. Stop torturing the poor baby vampire. It wasn't fair to her, especially now when all her emotions were going into overdrive. It was like taking advantage of a child. But if he had to give her up to his brother, he might as well have fun in the meantime. And if making her jealous consisted as fun, why shouldn't he indulge a little?

"You know he was at my school? The hunter?" Elena asked, voice wavering slightly towards the end.

Damon smirked. Hook, line and sinker.

* * *

"Hello, Damon!" Klaus bellowed good-humouredly as he leant back in the swivel chair.

"Klaus, where's Tyler?"

"Tyler's occupied, making big decisions about honesty and whatnot. Is there anything _I_ can do?"

"I don't think so."

"Ah, still sour about the witch, I gather?"

"That and you know, I hate your guts," Damon replied, smiling into the phone.

"Oh come now, isn't it time we buried the hatchet? Or is Bonnie Bennett really worth it?"

"You don't wanna go there, Klaus."

"I think I do, actually. If I recall correctly, it was she and your little brother who almost did me in."

"Yeah and look how that turned out. If you want the job done, you gotta do it yourself, I always say."

"Oh, you really are a laugh, Damon," Klaus chuckled amused. "I'm sorry to say Tyler's not coming out to play, not this time around, so whatever conundrum you've got yourself into..."

Damon pinched the bridge of his nose.

"_Fine_. I'm going after him alone then."

"Going after who?"

"Father Christmas. Who do you _think_?"

"Oh! You're going to have all the fun, aren't you? Can't have that, I'm afraid."

* * *

_Boom!_

The explosion happened fast and clean. He was left thinking that might've been him in there.

Wouldn't that have been a blessing.

He was sprawled on the hospital floor, looking up at the ceiling, wondering whether anyone would miss him.

Well, they would miss him, theoretically speaking, but would anyone stay up at night, thinking about him?

His departure was already a done deal, though. He wasn't going to change his mind. Not again.

But leaving so soon left a bitter taste in his mouth. He wasn't running away. He didn't want people to think _that_.

He was being the good guy, the good brother.

He _was_ a good brother.

"No. You're a bad brother," he muttered hoarsely.

Well, Connor was all bits and pieces now. Job done. Time to leave.

* * *

"Where is he? Where's the idiot? When I find him..."

Damon chuckled. He could hear her voice coming all the way from the entrance doors. She had a funny way of pretending she was angrier than she really was. Not that she couldn't pull it off, but it didn't really convince him. She was always secretly amused. In fact, very little fazed her. She was like that nagging mom that you happened to upset sometimes, but who always helped you in the end. Right after giving you a long and tedious lecture on the importance of safety. Which would start in 4, 3, 2 -

"Damon, how could you do that?!"

He winced. "Hey, Judgy."

"You could have harmed actual patients! This is a hospital, not your personal playground! I should have known you were planning something reckless and stupid, but Klaus? Since when is Klaus an acceptable partner in crime? And you got Jeremy involved too? When I expressly told you -"

"Could you please cut the lecture short? Meredith gave me an identical one two minutes ago and I'm really not in the mood -"

"Too bad! Because I'm going to tell you this until you learn to listen to me; no good can come from pulling these kinds of stunts."

"But Connor's dead! Isn't that what we all wanted?"

"Not at the expense of innocent people!"

"Oh, spare me, Judgy, no one died."

"But they could have, Damon!"

He rolled his eyes in annoyance. She really wasn't being endearing anymore.

"I don't know what's been clouding your judgement recently, but you're acting more reckless than usual. Did you have another fight with Stefan?"

Why couldn't she mind her own business?

"Okay, what was this one about? Elena again?" Bonnie asked, sitting down next to him.

"No, actually, it was about who would look better in a turtleneck sweater," he drawled.

"So...if I had to guess, I'd say you two aren't on the same page about her vampirism," Bonnie surmised, ignoring his comment.

"But that can't be all it is. You two never agree on _anything_. So you must've done something really stupid to spite him," she continued.

"Why do you instantly assume _I_ did something?"

Bonnie raised an eyebrow.

"Well, sure, if you want to put it _that_ way."

She sighed, shaking her head.

"So, how are you gonna fix that? Blow up another hospital wing?"

"I _wish_. No, I think I might just take a break from Mystic Falls for a while. See some greener pastures."

Bonnie wrinkled her nose in confusion.

"You're leaving?"

Damon shrugged his shoulders.

"But that's -"

"Devastating for you, I know. We didn't get to finish that make-out session, after all."

Bonnie almost smiled.

"Actually, I'd be relieved to have one less vampire to worry about, but it's not about what I want."

"Well, it's definitely never about what _I_ want," he retorted childishly. He knew he was acting immature, but he didn't really care. It was Bonnie. She _always_ saw him as immature.

"Listen, Damon. Stefan knows you love Elena. _Elena_ knows you love Elena. Heck, this whole town is probably up to speed. But you're not a terrible brother. You're just a dumbass who fell for the wrong girl."

Damon stared at her as if she'd both kissed and slapped him at the same time.

"So yeah, maybe it's not what you want but Stefan still needs you. And so does Elena. You're still his big brother and her close friend. You can't just walk away from that."

"Oh yeah? Watch me."

Bonnie sighed and looked away, disappointed. She didn't know why she had expected her words to have some effect on him.

"Fine. Do whatever you want."

And she left him, sitting there, thinking over and over again about the girl he had fallen for. The wrong girl.

* * *

"What have I done?" Elena asked, horrified by her own actions. "What have I done?"

Matt was gone, but she could still see the terrified expression on his face. She had inspired that great fear. _Her_.

"Nothing to be ashamed of," Damon quickly told her, trying to calm her down.

"You are a vampire now. You just have to learn the right way to _be_ one."

Elena felt tears stinging her eyelids.

Damon only hesitated for one moment. Only one.

"And I'm gonna teach you."

She looked up surprised. "You - you are?"

"Well, since no one else will do it."

She smiled brokenly. "Thank you."

_Don't thank me. Thank Bonnie, _he thought, feeling as if somehow he was doing this for the witch too.


	5. Chapter 5

_so, one more episode covered (lucky streak) and this one's **The Five**, obviously.  
_

_made some much needed changes, as I think you'll all agree and added a couple of things that weren't there. Hope I don't disappoint, because you've all been so wonderful and I'm feeling spoilt by all your brilliant reviews.  
_

_Thanks to all reviewers for being lovely, anonymous ones too (**Guest(1)** - thank you, very kind of you!, **guest2 D** - awww, chocolate withdrawal must be a bitch. thank you so much, I'm very flattered you like the style and yes Bonnie's gonna have frizzy hair on her hands :)), **Vie** - I wish I could write for them sometimes, but then again yeah, they pull these stupid shenanigans, you kind of want to stop watching it altogether. I am just as baffled by the sudden Meredith friendship as you are, I hope they remain friends and nothing more, **Guest(2)** - you may have a good point there, maybe Damon should leave town. I agree that Elena is definitely stringing him along, whether she realizes it or not and it's really messing with his head but then again, leaving would render him witch-less and well, I'm trying to prevent that. As for Bonnie, yes, she says yes to Elena far too easily, I hope I can rectify that later on, thanks for reviewing all the chapters:) )  
_

_Enjoy! And let me know what you think.  
_

_P.S. Recommended song to listen to while reading: Unless You Speak From The Heart by Porcelain Raft.  
_

* * *

There it was again.

How stupid and inconvenient. How utterly pointless, to have this feeling that wasn't even a feeling, that was more like a small nuisance that kept pestering him - he couldn't even find words for it. Couldn't wrap his head around it. That's how meaningless it was.

Because her, dressed in a corset, crossing the room towards a dark, handsome professor ("Oh, look, it's Professor Creepy." "His name is Professor Shane and he's not creepy.") shouldn't give him such a nasty headache.

Impulse, that's what it was. An impulse to distrust the mysterious "witch-lover". He felt that about about every single person he came across, but this one was particularly suspicious since he had a thing for Bonnie's kind. And no good ever came out of that.

Elena was his main focus now. He needed to keep her well-fed and happy. She was looking slightly sour, but not for too long. Soon, she'd be in seventh heaven. With him. He just had to show her. Open those doors of possibility.

And yet, as they scanned the room for those _possible_ victims, he kept thinking of that one scene in the car, where Elena had asked Bonnie something about Grams and they had spoken so little, but they had both tried so hard to get it right, to make it sound friendly and natural.

He was driving a wedge between them. He knew it and that distant thing he called a conscience wasn't entirely comfortable with this.

They barely acknowledged it, Elena and Bonnie, that something had changed. They dismissed conflict.

Oh, what a mistake.

"I think I've found one," she announced, eyes glowing with bloodlust.

He smirked. Elena, Elena, Elena. Putting up a front, but secretly - secretly she wanted it, all of it.

She wanted him, the idea of him at least. And he wanted her. That was pretty much a certainty, unfortunately.

It was almost too familiar. For two years now he'd been spinning in circles, pulling her closer, letting her go, meeting her stride by stride.

There was something else, though. Something new and unfamiliar.

A memory. A distant, remote memory swimming off course, a sweet, dizzy night in a warehouse.

* * *

Bonnie climbed down the stairs, skipping over a couple who had fallen over the banister. She accidentally stepped into a salsa bowl. Not her kind of party. Too many empty cans of beer lying around, too much sweat, too much stupid. No one here was worth the bother, because no one here was awake anyway.

Professor Shane had followed her with his eyes as she had walked out of the room and a dark place inside of her had stirred. She had felt admired and it hadn't bothered her because why not? He was good-looking, smart, kind, lovely really...

She just didn't care about getting involved with anyone right now. Too much on her mind. Too little magic. She just wanted that confidence back, she wanted them to see her as powerful.

Would they even take her seriously otherwise?

What good would it do, anyway, if Professor Shane couldn't see it, her brilliance?

She leant against the wall and pulled at her corset in frustration. That thing was really uncomfortable. She doubted whether she could have made it a century ago without losing her mind.

The music droned loudly above her head and there was a ripple through time and space, almost as if she were nowhere and everywhere at the same time.

She leant her head back and moved her hands to the back of her neck, trying to relax her muscles.

She spotted Damon and Elena across the room, dancing wildly and - she didn't even want to imagine what they were doing.

Blood was dripping down his chin and he grinned toothily as he saw Elena sink her teeth into a pretty girl who was smiling dreamily in her arms.

He had the same feeling he had experienced the first time Stefan had managed to suppress a Ripper breakout. Pride. Satisfaction. Affection.

But his gaze was broken, arrested momentarily by the figure behind Elena.

The one leaning back casually, hair splayed over her breasts, massaging her neck, exposing the golden skin, eyes sparkling in the night - and he didn't hesitate.

He started walking casually towards her, keeping with the beat of the dance, almost as if he was inviting her.

* * *

"Drink, little witch?"

"No, thanks. Already got one."

"So everything go well with pedo-teach?"

"Pedo-teach? Really? That's your best line?"

"Hey, I don't see a lot of professors hanging out at frat parties."

"Everyone here is over eighteen, Damon. Well, except for you. You've got the maturity level of a six year-old."

"Ah. Deny all you want, Bon-Bon, but you've got the hots for plaid-shirt."

"Who says I'm denying it?"

"...so, he worked his _magic_ on you already?"

"Well, he said he might help me with _mine_."

"And you believed him?"

"I'll take my chances."

"Why would you need him, anyway? You're still a witch. You can't just un-be one."

"Oh, how touching. You still have faith in me."

"Well, who else is gonna do it? You're pretty hard to be around, Judgy."

"Look who's talking."

"Me? I'm a national treasure."

"Right. Can the national treasure stop spilling blood all over me? Your dinner's staining my dress."

"Wipe it off, then."

* * *

People crowded around them and made their knees collide. He steadied her with his arm. They were pushing and pulling, everyone was so hungry and dizzy and high and black and light -

She shook her head.

"Don't think so."

"Why? Scared I'll bite?"

Bonnie rolled her eyes. "Like you'd dare. Anyway, shouldn't you be watching Elena?"

"Oh, she's taken care of."

"Really? Is that why you're off your head?"

He feigned distress.

"Bonnie, what could you possibly mean?"

"You're high. From the blood."

"Nah, just a little drunk. Maybe. A tiny, tiny bit." To show her how drunk he was he pulled her to him and started swaying her back and forth, holding her waist tightly.

Her breath hitched in her throat.

"You're not being yourself," she said, pressing her hands to his chest.

"No one is _being_ themselves, Bonnie. Just go with the flow for once."

His hand travelled to the small of her back and she started to move slowly to the music, hair falling across her shoulders, back and forth, like a dark curtain, shading her neck, making the veins go a deep blue.

The warmth made her relax. She started to enjoy it a little. There was something endearing about his little dance.

She hated this song. She told him she hated the song. He laughed.

They were spinning on the tip of a precipice and when she was about to fall, he let her fingers go and there was a pause; she was midair, he was standing back and then he caught her again and she fell over, crashed into him and her hands moved to his neck and then her fingers reached his mouth and she traced the blood and wiped it clean off and it looked so strange, that foreign substance, sparkling on her finger, could be anyone's and his mouth opened, as if beckoning her to let him taste it -

"Get off! Get off! Aaargh!" someone yelled in the night and the world collapsed in on itself.

Someone was crawling on the floor, a young girl, trying desperately to get away from Elena. She left behind her a trail of blood. The same foreign substance.

Elena was trying to calm her down, but she had forgotten to compel her from the start and now it was finished, it was over.

Tears were running down her face. She had lost it.

* * *

Bonnie tore herself away from him and ran towards her, frightened that it might be too late, that the damage couldn't be undone.

She tried to take Elena by the shoulders but she was pushed back violently.

"No, leave me alone, please, let me be!"

She wanted to be alone. She needed to be alone.

"Bonnie, you can't help me."

She ran out of there, leaving a quiet crowd in her wake.

* * *

"What the hell were you thinking? You were supposed to keep her under control!" she yelled at him, more enraged with herself for letting it happen.

"What do you think I was doing?! That wasn't my fault, she was just a little careless -"

"A _little_?! Did you not see what happened? I don't care if you erased the memory of every person in there, Elena will never forget!"

"Calm down, Bonnie, no one got hurt -"

"Elena did!"

"She was just having a little fun!"

"_Fun_? That's not fun!"

"She only made a mistake!"

"Because of you!"

"Hey! Get off your high horse, witch. I'm trying my best here, all right?! I can't always do _everything_ for her. In case you didn't notice, I was a bit preoccupied _elsewhere_!"

"Oh, don't put this on me! You were supposed to handle it! You were supposed to teach _her_ how to handle it!"

"Clearly you're confusing vampires with fucking Jedi. This is not the Force. She doesn't have to handle _anything_. This is what she is. What _we_ are. We were made to chase, prey, hunt and kill. What part of that don't you understand?"

"The part where you do nothing about it! You can't tell me you're not trying to fight it!"

"Oh, we do fight back, _Bonnie_. We do the next best thing; we switch off our humanity. When the guilt gets too much, we make it go away. It's so easy, you can't even sense it. You don't even remember what was before."

"Is that what happened to you?"

He chuckled. "No need for it. I, unlike my brother and Elena, revel in it."

And his glare was both warm and cold. She pushed past him angrily.

* * *

She would find Elena a bit later, hunched on the kerb, throwing up the contents of her stomach; beer, vodka and blood.

She'd ask her what had happened. She'd try to soothe her, to make the ache go away. But she'd fail, naturally.

Elena would appreciate the gesture, but not for too long.

Not for too long, because she would remember. She would remember the reason why she forgot to compel that girl.

She'd seen them dance.

They were moving and he was holding her and her fingers were touching his face and a part of Elena stopped functioning properly.

But she'd never tell.


	6. Chapter 6

_wow, you guys are just...I'm at a loss for words. You're more than incredible. I mean 79 reviews? I can't believe I have such awesome readers! Thank you all so so so much! Virtual cookies for everyone! :) Bamon sure does bring people together :)_

_Thanks to all the wonderful anonymous reviewers too, can't reply to you guys so I'm giving you a shoutout here, because you rock: **Guest(1)**, **sucka**, **Alexis**, **Guest(2)**, **Vie** - wow, you said it girl! I've been bitching about this to everyone who watched TVD. Bonnie is NOT treated as a main character. She's really is in the sidelines. I do get majorly pissed off when every new character (even April more recently) gets a better, more important storyline than her. This new episode seems to be starting something, but you can never trust these writers. Hope you can make out what's happening when you read the chapter even though you're not watching the show anymore and thanks for the lovely review:),** guest2 D** - you made a bet involving chocolate? dangerous, **neki**, **ChiChi-O**- that's so kind of you, thank you:)_

_Hope I got everyone:) _

_So, this one's for **The Killer**. I had to add a great deal of things since Bonnie and Damon didn't really interact this ep. I hope I made it work. _

_Let me know!_

_P.S. I have a bad feeling about Professor Shane. I mean the episode made it clear he is going to use Bonnie. He might start liking her for who she is in the process, but...I remain skeptical. You'll see my take in the chapter._

* * *

"We're gonna need some extra help so where the hell's The Wicked Witch of the West?" Damon asked, looking about him, almost as if he expected her to materialize out of thin air.

"She can't do magic," Caroline explained.

Damon made a face.

"Really? Well, call her, tell her Jeremy's life is in danger, maybe that'll bring her out of retirement," he retorted, walking away.

The witch had great timing.

Sure, he suspected Bonnie's Gram had something to do with it. He had seen the state she was in the day he had come to see her.

But he still felt sore about their conversation at the frat party and he wasn't about to let that go.

So he blamed Bonnie for it, irrationally, illogically. Because who else was there to blame? She wasn't here when they (he) needed her.

She hadn't even bothered to show up for "moral support".

But she was going to come for Jeremy, wasn't she?

She'd do anything for that kid.

Suddenly, he didn't feel so bad he was one of the hostages.

* * *

Her phone started ringing as she parked her car in the driveway.

It was Damon.

She blocked it. Not even hesitating. If she had waited one second longer she might've answered. But not this time around. She was done talking to him. Today was about her. She didn't care what new problem he needed her to solve. She could take one day off. She could take as much time off as necessary, actually.

She was "useless" to them without her magic, anyway.

_Stop dramatizing. You know they care about you_, she told herself for the umpteenth time, trying to believe it.

It was getting harder, these days.

Professor Shane welcomed her in his office. He was so warm, so kind, so knowledgeable and yet so nervous, so careful, so obviously in awe of who she was and so vastly different from all the vampires in her life, that she couldn't help but like him and trust him, if only a little.

He couldn't be all bad. She had to give him a chance. Everyone deserved a chance.

"I should warn you, my methods are a bit unorthodox."

"Okay, now I'm definitely curious."

* * *

Hypnosis. _What a joke_, she scoffed mentally. Not to be cynical, but psychoanalysis was hardly the answer in her case. She wasn't dealing with some childhood trauma, this wasn't related to her abandonment issues. The spirits were unyielding, stubborn and vengeful. It was as simple as that. And Grams had suffered because of it. She had been reckless. She was not about to get reckless again. Not unless there was a certainty in it, a certainty that it might not all be in vain.

She almost smiled. She was starting to sound like Damon.

_You came all this way. Don't let it go to waste._

* * *

The images were fragmentary and hard to freeze. It was like swimming and trying to catch every ripple, every wave. She was watching the sun setting over the mountains. The snowy peaks shone in soft pink hues as the rays glided down the slopes, carrying with them the last remnants of the day; traces of gold on white. She felt the cold air filling her lungs, clearing her thoughts. She'd always dreamt of the mountains, even as a child. She loved winters.

"Come on, Bonnie. It's time to leave now," a gentle voice spoke in her ear.

To her left, professor Shane stood waiting, holding out his hand.

"Time to leave the dream. For now."

His smile, his charm, they were so close. This was all a fantasy, wasn't it?

"You came here long ago. Well, your ancestors did. But every Bennett remembers. You crossed these mountains. You were all together."

She nodded her head, almost as if she _could_ remember. They were all together, her, dad, Sheila, Abby...

"Where are they?" she asked, her voice flat and dispirited.

"Come with me," Shane repeated.

"Where?"

"Where you belong. With your kind."

"What about my friends?" she asked, feeling a soft layer of ice covering her skin.

"Vampires are not your friends. They never will be. To them, you are only a witch. A means to an end. Nothing else. They will never see you as their equal."

Bonnie frowned, overwhelmed by his words. Though she wanted to deny it, shake her head and contradict him, she felt a surge of relief mingled with satisfaction. Someone understood what she felt.

"They shouldn't, either way. You are their superior."

Her cheeks burned. She was their superior. That had a nice ring to it.

"I don't know -" she began, but he shook his head and pressed one finger to her lips.

She shivered from the contact.

"How many times have they hurt you?"

She looked down. They were still her friends.

As her eyes fell on the frozen snow at her feet, she saw droplets of blood, trailing down the path towards an opening in the woods.

She followed them with her eyes and saw a figure in the distance, calling out for her.

Without stopping to think, she started running towards him. She recognized the voice, the sound of her name on his lips.

Damon was lying down, half-dead in the snow, a pool of blood stretching all around him. He held out his arm in supplication, looking at her as if she was his only salvation.

"What will you do, Bonnie? Will you save the vampire who killed your mother?" Shane whispered in her ear.

Bonnie remembered everything. She remembered his callousness, his indifference, his selfishness. His fatal obsession with one girl that drove him to impossible lengths. He was just as bad as Klaus.

And she had kissed him, still wanted to kiss him, at times. He had come to her house and made her tea and they had talked.

And it had felt normal. It hadn't felt bad. But how could it not be?

She was betraying herself and everything she stood for. She was letting some feeble friendship that didn't mean anything to him cloud her judgment.

"Avenge your mother. Have mercy and end his misery," Shane told her, offering her a stake.

Bonnie took it from him, fingers shaking.

She knelt down and looked into Damon's pain-stricken eyes. He had stopped begging. He was just watching her, waiting to see what she would do.

There was a mischievous glint in them, in those steel-blue eyes.

Even on the brink of death, Damon Salvatore could see the irony of it all.

"He is holding you back, Bonnie. Do it. End it," Shane repeated, his voice sterner.

She planted a hand on his chest to hold him down and pointed the stake at his heart.

Damon breathed in and out evenly. She followed the rise and fall of his chest with great interest.

There was something different about him, she could feel it. She wasn't really touching Damon, but only a ghost, a shell of his former self.

He blinked, tilting his head to the side. His whole expression changed.

"What is it, little witch? Don't have it in you?"

She shook her head, tightening her grip on the stake. This _was_ him.

"Afraid you'll miss?"

"Do it, Bonnie. You've got nothing to fear," Shane told her, standing some feet away.

"I'm not afraid," she muttered, glaring at Damon.

"Oh, I believe you," the vampire drawled, smirking. "You're barely holding that thing."

"Shut up."

"Why don't you make me?"

The tip of the stake grazed his shirt.

His fingers suddenly coiled around her arms and pulled her down to him. She felt his hot breath on her face. Their mouths were close again and the ice had melted, leaving her exposed and wanting.

"Remember what I said, Judgy. Chase, prey, hunt, kill. That's what I am."

When the stake went through her flesh, she realized Damon had stabbed her with it.

* * *

Professor Shane sighed, watching her wake from the trance slowly. He still had a lot of work to do with her.

* * *

_"You know what? I'm tired of calling you. This is the fifth time I'm doing this and you're still not answering. Where the hell did you vanish to?"_

* * *

_"Sixth call, officially. You can hate my guts all you want, that's fine, but you can't turn your back on Elena. Call me."_

* * *

_"Are you off with that idiot professor? Text someone next time you decide to skip town."_

* * *

_"I suppose it's just the same without you. FYI, Jeremy's been shot. Get back here."_

* * *

_"She killed today. She killed the hunter. And you weren't here, Bonnie. You didn't do anything. You left. We needed you and now it's all gone to hell, I -"_

Damon paused, holding down his phone.

He deleted the message. And started again, putting down his drink.

_There's a cure, you know. Stefan thinks there's a cure for her. The vampire hunter held the key, apparently. Yeah, it sounds stupid to me too. I mean suddenly there's a cure for vampirism which no one knew about until Klaus decided to give Stefan some history lessons? I call bullshit. It's either an urban legend or an elaborate prank he's playing on us. _

_But that's not what I wanted to say. _

_I can't tell this to anyone and I am going to delete it anyway, so here it goes. You know what I would do, Bonnie Bennett, if this cure were real? _

_I'd find it. And I'd take it. I'd take the cure. Yes, you heard right, I want the cure for myself. Shocker, isn't it? Damon Salvatore putting himself first. But hey, wouldn't that be a change for the better? Me being human? Bet you'd just love that. _

_I do miss it. More than anything.  
_

_...  
_

_Listen, don't let professor Creep or anyone else tell you about magic. They don't know jackshit. They don't know you.  
_

_Seriously pissed, though. You'll get hell when you come back.  
_

_Come back.  
_

* * *

Message deleted.


	7. Chapter 7

_okay, full disclosure: this is my favorite chapter. you'll see why. it just really, really is. mostly because of the ending, which, by the way, took me ages to get right._

_I finally did, though, or at least I feel I did._

_I present to you: **We All Go A Little Mad Sometimes**  
_

_at this point you know it's all because of you and your wonderful reviews. your support fuels me even when I'm down, so thank you for that (over 100 reviews!) I don't know how else I'd pull through these unhelpful episodes:)_

_ Many thanks to the anonymous reviewers whom I can't thank otherwise: **bonnie b** - I hope this chapter mends what the show's undone, at least a little bit, thank you for sharing your thoughts:), **Alexis** - yeah everyone should be suspicious about him at this point, I sense suffering for our witch, hopefully Damon will be there to prevent it:), **Guest**-thank you:), **Vie **- I know how you feel, it's very ironic that Shane has to be the one to tell her what she's worth. I don't think they'll kill her off, though. she's still got a pretty big fanbase, but that doesn't prevent them from treating her like a minor character, apparently. hope this chapter brings some comfort:) _

_please tell me what you think of the new chapter and if you enjoyed it as much as I did:)_

_P.S. Just refreshing your memory: Bonnie and Damon are still pissed with each other about the frat party. Add to that Damon's frustration with her absence and...you get what follows.  
_

* * *

The silence in the empty house was daunting. Damon and Stefan were in the middle of a staring contest about who was to blame for letting Klaus kidnap Elena. It was only their normal, passive-aggressive way of solving conflicts. It never worked.

Thankfully, there was a knock at the door.

"Think that's Klaus saying he took Elena by mistake?" Damon quipped.

Stefan snorted.

"Let me remind you _who_ was in the house with her at the time, big brother."

Bonnie let herself in, overhearing their voices.

Damon sensed her presence first and he could already tell that she was angry.

Oh, _she_ was angry? _She_ had the nerve to be angry?! What about the stunt she'd pulled with Professor What's-His-Face when they needed her the most?

"Well, look at what the cat dragged in. Prodigal daughter is home. Had fun on your time off, "_oh traitorous Iago_"?"

Bonnie threw her bag on the table and gave him a scolding look.

"I'm in the mood for your shenanigans right now, Damon. I only came because Stefan told me -"

"_Stefan_? Oh, so five calls from me you ignore, but one text from Stefan sends you reeling?"

"Wait, what calls -" Stefan began.

Bonnie groaned. "We're still on that? I left you _three_ messages yesterday."

"Too little, too late, _Bonnie_. You chose to shut me off, so I shut you off."

"If you _had_ actually listened to those messages, you'd know I was out of town and had to shut my phone because-"

"Oh, save it. Whatever excuse you've got, I don't need it."

"Really? So we're in middle-school now? Is that what we're doing?"

"Speaking of middle-school, how's Pedo-Teach doing? Snatched a new underage girl obsessed with the occult?"

Stefan looked back and forth between them in confusion, trying to get a word in between, but found himself silenced every time.

"Oh, I don't know, I thought that was more up _your_ street, actually."

"_Please_. I don't have to go to so much trouble to get into someone's pants."

"He's not trying to get in my-"

"Obviously. You'd put him in the psych ward with the rest of your boyfriends."

"Well, at least mine aren't rotting six feet under!"

"Guys -" Stefan tried, feebly.

"Oh, want me to fix that?"

"I'd like to see you try."

"You hear that, Stefan? Call the Jerbear, Bonnie wants a live demonstration."

"You know what? I don't have time for your crap. Stefan, I'm not working with him if he's going to be so-"

_"Who_ says I'm working with _you_?" Damon retorted, making a face.

"Guys!" Stefan yelled over their voices. "Guys! Can we stop for a minute? Please?"

Bonnie was about to add something, but she only sighed and backed away, feeling Damon's glare still on her.

Damon smirked and turned to Stefan.

"Sure thing, little brother."

"Look, I don't know what bone you two've got to pick, but we have a real problem on our hands, okay?"

Bonnie nodded grudgingly.

"What happened?"

"Klaus took Elena. And we don't know where she is."

"You lost her?!"

"Lost is a very strong word, more like temporarily misplaced," Damon added scornfully, pointing at his brother.

"I'm actually more worried about what Klaus said about this hunter's curse," Stefan continued.

"How does Klaus even know about this?"

"Oh, good one, Bonnie, how does a millennium-old vampire know _anything_?"

They were about to go at it again, Stefan could sense it. He had to prevent it.

"He said it was a _witch_'s curse."

"You know if I could do anything to help, I would, but -"

"But nothing, do you hear me?" Damon interrupted her abruptly. "Wave your magic wand, hocus-pocus, "be gone Hunter-Ghost", whatever it takes."

"Well, since you've got such a good grasp on how magic works, why don't you do it yourself?" she spat.

"What Damon means in a very rude and insensitive way," Stefan began, apologetically, "is that maybe you _could_ do something to help, after all, maybe your magic isn't all gone -"

"It isn't, but the spirits won't let me do the magic I'd need to break the curse."

An idea flickered across her face.

"But I could ask Shane for help," she added, warily, watching out for Damon's reaction.

"Oh, great, you're on a first-name basis now. So how is _Shane_ going to help you exactly?" he drawled.

Bonnie perked up, smirking.

_"Well,_ he knows _everything_ about _everything_. And his first name is Atticus."

Damon swore he could have drained her right there and then.

Instead, he chose to treat her with bitter sarcasm.

"Oh, wow, that's got me convinced. He knows "everything about everything". As broad a statement as you being a witch, really."

Bonnie clenched her fists, willing herself to remain calm. It was growing harder and harder, what with her dwindling patience.

"So...that's settled then," Stefan spoke up, eyeing them carefully. "You'll ask Shane for help and Damon and I-"

"I don't trust your hippie mentor so I'm coming with," Damon replied, giving her a faux-sweet smile.

"What? No, you're coming with me to get Elena out," Stefan intervened.

"Oh, I'm sure you can do that by yourself, brother. Plus, Klaus and I...aren't on great terms right now. You're his buddy in action, anyway, aren't you?"

"I don't need supervision, Damon. Or a chaperone," she retaliated.

"Hey, I just want to get to know the guy who "knows everything about everything" a little bit better."

Bonnie groaned.

"Okay, if I leave, can you two play nice and maybe not kill each other?" Stefan asked, staring at them both.

"Cross my dead heart and hope to die again," Damon quipped.

Bonnie sighed. "I guess so."

* * *

_Bam!_

She was thrown down on the table faster than she could muster a reply.

Admittedly, she had provoked him too.

No sooner had Stefan left than they had launched into a new argument. A bit more heated this time around.

His hand was encircling her throat and his body was hovering over hers as she lay there, sprawled on the cold, hard surface.

"So how about we revisit the night you pissed me off, hmm?" he muttered, blue eyes growing brighter in anger.

She raised an eyebrow defiantly. "Which _one_?"

His hand started burning. He felt the skin tightening, scorched from inside out.

Damon almost yelped and drew it away in pain.

She raised herself on her elbows and smirked.

"Did I forget to mention Shane's been helping me get my magic back?"

Damon felt a hot surge of anger flash before his eyes. The fury was coursing through his veins. He wanted to rip into her and touch her skin at the same time.

* * *

The presentation was in full swing. The audience seemed enthralled.

It wasn't any day that you were told the story of Silas, the ancient witch, who had created a spell to grant him immortality.

Damon and Bonnie made their way through the crowd and reached the front.

Professor Shane spotted her in a glance. She smiled, waving briefly. He smiled back.

Damon would have made a catty remark about the state of Bonnie's undergarments, but he was too absorbed in the story of Ketsia and Silas.

Eventually, he snapped out of it.

"Need time to cool off?" he drawled in her ear.

"I'll get him to you, okay?" she snapped.

"I'll be waiting in Alaric's class. Be there in five minutes. Or else."

Bonnie made a face. His holier-than-thou attitude was going to drive her insane. Would he never drop it?

* * *

As soon as Shane was out of that classroom, Bonnie leaned over the front-desk and gave Damon a questioning look.

"How exactly are we supposed to find a potential hunter?"

"Yeah, about that..." Damon trailed off, punching a number in his phone.

"Little Gilbert? Your services are needed," Damon quipped, smiling in Bonnie's direction.

"Jeremy? What does he have to do with all this?"

"Oh, relax. Your _other_ precious boy-toy is safe. He's only, you know, our potential hunter."

"What?!"

"The loss of magic I get, but the hearing? Did I not make myself sufficiently _clear_?"

"How did I not know any of this stuff about Jeremy?" she asked sternly, ignoring his little comment.

"Well, Bonnie, the witch who loses her powers gets left out of the important conversations."

Her nostrils flared in anger.

"Is that why your hands are red?"

His eyes narrowed into slits.

"Is everything okay? Is it Elena?" Jeremy Gilbert bellowed, blasting through the doors.

Bonnie pulled away from his glare first.

"We figured out how to help her. You need to kill a vampire."

"Oh, great. Give me a stake, I'll kill Damon right now," Jeremy replied nonchalantly.

"Easy there, Van Helsing. We'll get you one."

"Pity," Bonnie remarked dryly.

"I heard that," he muttered, handing Jeremy Shane's research on the hunters.

His phone started ringing. It was his brother. He had lost Elena, yet again.

Stefan was asking him to go after her. And he knew what he had to do.

* * *

Elena had thrown away the ring, cast it into the waters that had brought her so much misery. She was waiting, breathing haggardly, hoping that the sunrise would be quick and painless. That was an illusion, of course, just like everything and everyone else around her.

The sun would come, its warmth would spread and wrap her in its embrace and her blood-gorged molecules would inflate and explode.

It would be a brutal death, one fit for a vampire like her.

A vampire whose own mother had rejected her.

She counted the seconds, the minutes. It was peaceful now, almost beautiful. She could stay in this moment forever, hanging between life and death.

The loneliness, though, the absolute loneliness is what killed her, bit by bit. It wasn't the fact that she felt guilt, it was that she had to face it all alone. It was hers. It couldn't be shared.

"It doesn't have to be this way," a cool, soothing voice rang in her ears.

Bonnie was standing next to her, leaning against the side of the bridge.

Elena lowered her head, forcing her eyes shut.

"Not you too, Bonnie. Please, not you too."

"I'm not here to tell you to jump, Elena," the ghost of Bonnie spoke in her ear gently, like the rustle of leaves in autumn.

Her own hand covered hers and squeezed lightly. "I'm here to tell you you're being very brave."

Elena opened her eyes hesitantly.

"W-What?"

"You're willing to die for everyone else. _Again_."

Elena's brows wrinkled in confusion. "But I-"

Bonnie smiled warmly. "Forget what Katherine told you. She doesn't know how this feels. She's never had any real friends. But you do. And you're giving up everything for them."

Elena shook her head, tears slipping down her eyelashes.

"No, I'm not. I'm being selfish, Bonnie. I just want the guilt to go away. I'm running from it."

Bonnie shook her head.

"You're doing this so you don't harm anyone else anymore. You're doing this because you think you're a danger to those you love. You're...taking yourself out, because you _care_."

Elena's breath hitched as a powerful sob burst out of her chest.

Bonnie gathered her in her arms and Elena buried her face in her hair.

"I'm so sorry, Bonnie," she mumbled between the tears. "I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you when you needed me. I'm sorry you - you had to lose the people you loved because of me. I wasn't - I'm not worth it."

"Don't say that. It wasn't you. I would have lost them either way, Elena. We can't keep them at our side. Sometimes they have to leave us. You know that."

"Stefan..." she began.

"Yes, even him."

"Will he be all right?" she asked, the question hovering in the air.

Bonnie broke away and looked down at the dark waters.

"He'll pull through. He's very brave, like you. He knows it's your choice. It's what you wanted that night."

Elena nodded her head, holding Bonnie's hand.

"And Damon?"

Bonnie paused. Her expression changed. Even in this ghostly state, Elena's mind was carving a different reaction on her face.

"He...he will be devastated. He doesn't take loss very well."

Elena took a deep breath and looked into Bonnie's eyes.

"Will you - will you help him?"

"Me? I can't-"

"Will you do it, for me?" she asked again, holding her gaze.

"Elena.."

"Bonnie, I need to know this. Can you - will you make him happy?"

Bonnie's hand slipped away from her grasp. She was hesitating, wavering. Elena saw her stepping back, edging further away from her.

"Bonnie!"

She felt her throat constricting. Bonnie couldn't leave her like this. They couldn't leave her like this. Not without telling her what she wanted to know, what she wanted to hear.

_He will be devastated._

Damon stared at her in wonder. She must have been hallucinating about the witch.

"She's not here," he told her, coming out of the shadows.

"...Damon? How did you find me?"

"Didn't take a genius to figure it out. Third time's a charm, eh?" he said, pointing at the Wickery Bridge.

"You were right, Damon. Vampires kill people." _I kill people. Me. Me alone. No vampire. Elena Gilbert kills people. Elena Gilbert drove Bonnie away._

"Stefan was right too. I can't live with myself." _Not like this. Not anymore. I need him. I need you. But you - you're far away. You're all far away.  
_

* * *

"Damon. I don't want to die."

"Hold on to me."

And she did. She held onto him. And maybe he wasn't far away, didn't _have_ to be far away. Maybe he was there. Maybe they were both drowning, leagues and leagues under the sea, but he was _there_ and she didn't have to think about anything anymore.

He wouldn't be devastated.

* * *

Damon sat on her bed and looked deeply into her eyes, those brown eyes that hid pools of light and shades of dark.

He felt the affection and warmth sprouting from her like a flower in bloom, giving him her perfume, her caress, her beauty. He knew that look. He knew that grasp too. She had laced her fingers with his and something was building up in his chest.

Something joyful and sharp, like a black spring.

He wanted to cut himself off and enjoy it. He wanted to brush his fingers across her lips and see whether she would draw away.

He wanted so many things.

But Bonnie's words - those stupid, stupid words - kept nudging, kept pushing, kept pulling him. He was different. He was not the same Damon. He knew that.

_You're just a dumbass who fell for the wrong girl._

He winced, rubbing her hand softly.

"I'm about to take a very...high, annoying road and tell you something."

* * *

"I know you only came here to get help for your new hunter, but I would like to continue our sessions, Bonnie. I really think we can get your magic back. Are you up for a bit more hypnosis?"

Bonnie smiled uneasily.

"I guess I'm willing to try."

"Good. That's what I like to hear."

* * *

"Bourbon." He paused, looking at the empty seat next to him. "Make that two."

Alaric's ghost appeared next to him, smiling fondly at his friend's antics.

"I'm missing all the action, aren't I?" Alaric asked, knowing full well Damon wouldn't be able to hear.

Damon frowned and rubbed his forehead pensively.

"So, Matt's useful for something other than being Elena's blood bank. Shocker, I know."

"Not so much. He's a good kid. Always has been," Alaric replied.

"I knew that dick professor couldn't be trusted."

Alaric raised an eyebrow.

"Dick? Really? Since when are you so against mild-mannered academia? Never heard you complain about me."

Damon knew he was talking to thin air, but it helped somehow, to let it out, even to an empty chair.

He took a gulp and set the glass down.

"He's probably using Bonnie for some bullshit masterplan. Little witch's gonna have hell to pay. Not that I would mind."

Alaric sat up and leant closer.

"Damon. You know that's not true. You have to stop pretending you're upset with her."

Damon remained quiet, toying with his glass in thought.

"You know you can't let him harm her, right?" Alaric asked, hoping that it would get through to him somehow.

"Don't worry, _Saltzman_. I won't let that asshole have her. She's _our_ witch, remember?" he said, almost as if he had heard Alaric.

Alaric stared at him in interest.

"You know, you're a bit different now. You're changing."

"I don't suppose _she_'s got something to do with it?" he continued.

Damon sighed and gulped down his drink.

"Ever since Elena died," he suddenly began, almost as if his friend had urged him, "ever since that _night_ - I don't feel right."

Alaric tilted his head to the side.

"You don't feel right?"

* * *

"Come on, Elena. I mean after everything that we've been through...you can admit it," Stefan prompted her with a knowing look in his eye.

Elena felt her heart crumbling for him.

"You've been so strong for me. Helping me. Fighting for that girl that chose you. The girl that I was when I died on the bridge. And I love you so much for wanting to find this cure, because I'd like nothing more than to get her back. Because the girl that she's become...that _I_'ve become, is different, somehow. Darker. Who I am, what I want..."

"What you want...or _who_ you want," Stefan added, resignation in his voice.

* * *

"It's not the same, between me and Elena," Damon said.

* * *

"Something's changed between Damon and me. Much more than it ever used to be," she said.

* * *

"I don't know why."

"You don't?" Alaric asked, feeling a bit of hope for his friend.

"I think - I think it _was_ that night."

* * *

"It's like - it's like everything that I felt for him before I was a vampire -"

* * *

"Before she died, I - I did something wrong."

"I caught you two kissing, remember?" Alaric said, smiling at the memory. "It wasn't wrong. It was_ different_."

"And whatever that meant, it's been -"

* * *

"Magnified," Stefan finished for her.


	8. Chapter 8

_Wow, well this turned out to be a monster of a chapter (in length, I mean), but I don't know if I could've shortened it in any way._

_So, this is my version of **My Brother's Keeper** and yeah, I worked my ass off to turn this episode around because I had **nothing** to work with, literally nothing, except one time Shane mentioned Bonnie to Damon. But our girl didn't even get one single minute of screen time, whereas even that criminal vampire Jeremy ended up killing got two or three. Yeah, sad, very sad._

_As for the sex scene, well, I can't comment on it now, because you need to read my altered version of it to get the idea._

_Safe to say, this is probably going to be my most controversial chapter so far. Controversial in the choices I've made. I'm sure you'll have questions and I'll be happy to answer them, but just know I do have a bigger picture in my head and Bonnie and Damon still have a lot of developing to do after this chapter._

_This is going to be a stronger T than usual, but not very graphic or anything._

_Some of you might find the outcome very weird. I guess I'm willing to take a risk and see how it goes because I've rewritten some scenes too many times and I've decided I'm going with this draft._

_As for my amazing, lovely readers and reviewers, I hope you stick around and remain as awesome as usual because your support gives me courage to keep posting this :)_

_So here's to the anonymous reviewers: **Stormygirl30** - gah, thank you so much for all your kind words, I'm so flattered that my writing is getting you through season 4, I hope you like this chapter too:)** Guest -** ah, thank you, so glad the Alaric scene turned out well:), **Alexis** - haha, glad to hear that, Bamon all the way indeed :), **Guest (2)** - I'm so happy you liked my swapping Elena's mom with Bonnie on the bridge, it felt more powerful to me too, thank you:), **neki** - thank you!, **Guest (3)** - I know how you feel, I used to love Elena too before the writers made her crash and burn, and I'm glad Stefan broke up with her, he needs some time away from her, she's not a very good influence on his tormented psyche, at least not right now; **guest2 D** - aww, thank you so much for the two reviews, so glad that this can replace the show for you:) and yes Shane has officially moved into bad news territory, I just hope that our Bonnie doesn't fall for his tricks; **Vie** - aaah, I smiled so hard I might've split my face, I feel so flattered you almost risked watching this mess of a show:)) hope I can keep it up:), **Guest (4)**: thank you:)._

_I think that covers all anonymous reviewers so far, if I've missed anyone you're free to reprimand me as you see fit:)_

_I really hope you enjoy this chapter and I'm really curious to hear what you think of the last parts._

_P.S. The horizontal lines weren't working properly for some reason so if you see a dot every once in a while, that's just me trying to get them to do their job.  
_

* * *

Sitting on her bed, holding her legs to her chest, Bonnie sighed as she looked at her latest magical endeavor gone wrong; a hair comb that was lying on her duvet, as still as a statue, no sign of movement whatsoever.

It's not like she had been going at it for the last two hours. No, she'd whiled away the time doing _teenage_ things, like, like...

"Wow, I can't even think of one thing," she suddenly realized, dropping down on her pillow despondently.

Her back ached terribly, her eyes were baggy and she felt like an eighty-year old spinster.

She almost wanted to call Shane and take it out on him for giving her so much hope and implanting this exhausting and time-consuming idea in her head.

She had been using some of his techniques and they were grueling, to say the least.

But she knew better than to call. Who knew what other great idea he might come up with.

Instead, her own phone started ringing.

"Okay, let me guess, you're lying in bed, wearing your least flattering pajamas, you gave up on taking a shower, you've got no make-up on and you feel like crap, but you won't do anything about it. How accurate is that?" Caroline's bubbly voice burst in her ear.

She grimaced. "Hey Care."

"Don't hey Care me, are you moping around because of magic again?"

"First of all, I never mope. Second, not everyone is as functional as you are. And third, I resent the whole shower thing. I'm squeaky clean."

"Oh, even better. So all you gotta do is put on a fabulous dress, some dazzling make-up, your charming smile and you're all set for the pageant!"

Bonnie shut her eyes in frustration.

"For the twelfth and last time, Caroline, I'm not in the mood to see the "bright future leaders of Mystic Falls" parade around Klaus' mansion in high heels while I pretend to have fun."

"Wow, someone's being a major downer today. And who cares if it's Klaus' house? Doesn't mean you'll have to see him."

"Knowing he's close by is bad enough for me."

"Hey, at least you don't have to be his date."

"What do you mean? Are you and him...?"

"Well, you know, I _did_ promise him a date and it just so happens he's escorting me today and I'm not exactly super comfortable with the concept since he's being...unusually decent, for him. And Tyler's off with Hayley somewhere, doing more important things than trying to run a perfect pageant, I guess. I think he's still upset with me, but he won't say because he's Tyler and _ugh_, okay, I'm ranting again. Have to remain calm - Dylan! I told you to pick up those empty glasses!"

Bonnie shook her head and smiled. It was hard not to cheer up around her. She was contagious.

"So you're stuck with Klaus in the ninth circle of hell: supervising an event for young people," Bonnie quipped, amused by the idea. "How are you handling it?"

"Not so well. I mean it's fine, everything is running smoothly and Klaus is...Klaus, but surprisingly, he's not the one giving me trouble."

"Oh, is it Tyler?" she asked concerned.

"Guess again. It's Elena. She's acting really weird."

"...weirder than usual?"

"Well, how would you describe it if she suddenly started agreeing with everything Damon said or did?"

The witch frowned in confusion.

"I guess I'd describe it as "something's rotten in Denmark"?"

"Exactly! I mean there's no way she'd be so obsessed with him all of a sudden."

"Obsessed?"

"Bonnie, she practically confessed she's crushing on Damon harder than ever."

Bonnie's heart started going into overdrive.

"What?!"

"Wait, you don't know? About the break-up?"

Bonnie's head was spinning.

"Please tell me you're referring to some stupid celebrities."

"I wish."

"What happened?"

"See why you have to come down here? I can't tell you on the phone. So hurry up and get dressed! Klaus is gonna come back any moment now and propose a romantic outing on the lake and then we'll _never_ get to talk."

"Wow, class-act, that Klaus." She sighed. "You're not giving me any other options, are you?"

"Did I mention that cute professor you have the hots for is here and he's wearing a suit?"

There was a small pause.

"Fine. I'll come. For moral support. But I'm wearing what I want."

.

* * *

The dances were about to start and everyone had gathered around the dance floor.

Damon could feel her eyes on him and it gave him a sort of painful, exhilarating sensation. Every second was filled with her and her name and her face and her lips and all of it was Elena.

_You. You. You._

It had only taken one simple word and his whole world had burst with light and nausea. He wasn't imagining things; she had said it out loud and for one glorious moment, he had been her center, the object of her affection, the one she had chosen.

And that moment could be prolonged. It was not over. It didn't have to be. It could go on forever.

Because she had broken up with his brother_ for him._

And maybe, just maybe, this was real. Maybe for the first time, someone actually loved him.

A yearning like his, built over years and decades, growing and gravitating around one beautiful, unattainable symbol, felt like torture, even now, when he was about to have it fulfilled. He was on the edge of a precipice and everything was telling him to jump.

The music, the couples, the dances, they were all reminiscent of their own turn on the dance floor.

Elena had been so different, so warm, so innocent. He had forgotten about himself, about Katherine, about Stefan, about revenge. He had been innocent too.

And there had been something beautiful in the simplicity of the moment, simplicity which he knew he could never replicate. Not in its finer details. Too much had happened. Events had tumbled one into each other in a giant, ugly heap of tangled memories and although he still felt the same rush in his blood, everything was altered.

His eyes met hers and he could tell she was thinking the same thing. They both felt nostalgia for the irretrievable, something so close and yet so far.

There was promise of better things, far, far better, but right now, this dance and this yearning, they were both aching inside of him and he wanted nothing more than to stand there and watch her as she watched him and let it sink in; that she longed for him, that she yearned too.

But his stare was broken off. A figure had appeared next to Elena, like a second shadow. A darker vision.

Elena turned and smiled in surprise as the girl hugged her.

Nostalgia turned into a skipped heartbeat and a sudden wave of anger and desire washed over him.

Bonnie Bennett was wearing a sober little black number that made her look like the stern teacher, out to punish high-schoolers for underage drinking.

Still, when she drew away from Elena, he couldn't help but hear her shallow breathing and the laughter in her voice, like the waves crashing on the shore. And he could see every vein in every hollow and every curve in every movement. These small things he had never bothered with before.

It was becoming quite inconvenient, her new-found appeal.

She was distracting him. She, with her nonchalant, serious gaze and that ever-present wrinkle above her eyebrows.

The moment was gone.

* * *

"Bonnie! It's so wonderful to see you again so soon! I didn't know you were coming!"

Shane pulled her into a somewhat inappropriate embrace, but she only smiled and let his presence envelop her, figuring it wasn't so wrong to flirt with him as long as she maintained a certain distance.

"I find that hard to believe, I mean you might be stalking me for all I know," she teased.

"Ah, I could say the same thing about you - although, yeah, I'm the one at a high school function. Guess I have no leg to stand on, huh?"

"Pretty much. I don't mind, though. It's sort of sweet."

"Well, full disclosure; I _was_ actually hoping you'd come, but I'm actually here as judge -"

"Well, isn't this the perfect occasion to unite last week's trio," someone drawled behind her.

Damon had placed one arm on her shoulder and the other on Shane's.

"It's like you never even left town, oh wait," Damon quipped, giving Shane a look that could only be classified as 'I'm on to you'.

"Shane, you remember my friend, Damon, don't you?" Bonnie spoke through gritted teeth, shrugging his arm away.

"Oh, I think he remembers me plenty. We had a lovely little chat before you arrived and he's just thrilled to get to know me, aren't you, _Professor_?"

"Yes, _thrilled_," Shane echoed sarcastically.

.

* * *

"So, finally came out of your cave, eh?"

"Better than out of a coffin."

"Ouch. You know this retirement isn't doing any wonders for your sense of humor."

"Why are you even here? Come to play second fiddle again?"

"That's rich coming from the eternal Bennett _sidekick_. What is it this time, Caroline need another minion?"

"Oh, I don't know, Elena need another rebound?"

"Ha, I see what you did there."

"Look, I'm not here to play games with you, Damon -"

"Really? Cuz I thought you had "fun" written all over you."

" - I've got more important things to do."

"Such as playing the Eliza Doolittle to a certain someone's Henry Higgins?"

"Well, I'm impressed. You must've spent hours coming up with that one."

"_Fine_. Go ahead, chase the creepy professor, don't listen to the voice of reason."

"You? Voice of reason? Don't make me laugh."

"I wouldn't dare, your face would probably melt off from the effort."

"And what's it to you, anyways? Why do you care so much what I do with Professor Shane?"

"I don't give a rat's ass as long as _Atticus_ comes clean about his mysterious motives."

"What are you talking about?"

"Why, don't tell me you don't know, _Bon-Bon_?"

"Know what?"

"Why don't you ask him yourself? I'm curious to see how he explains himself out of this one."

"What exactly am I supposed to ask him? Look, I get that you don't like him, Damon. You don't like _anyone_. But he's the only one helping me through all of this, so you'd better stop grilling him or else I'm going to grill _you_, got it?"

"No can do. Guess you'll just have to grill me."

His infuriating smirk almost made her want to do it.

* * *

When Bonnie finally managed to find Caroline, the girl was in a terrible mood. The first thing she told her was that Jeremy had gone missing.

_Great. _The party was already off to a great start.

"How does this keep happening? I'm really starting to think this town's cursed," Bonnie commented gloomily.

"Yeah and to top it off, Elena agreed with Damon, _yet again_, that it's probably nothing, that he's probably boozing off somewhere. I mean how stupid is that?"

Bonnie made a sympathetic face.

"Yeah, this is Mystic Falls, it's never _nothing _and Jeremy wouldn't bail on April."

Although he had bailed on her, Bonnie thought bitterly.

"And Elena just stormed off after I told her the truth," Caroline continued heatedly. "Like what did she expect me to say? That I suddenly approve of her unexplored feelings for Damon? Jeez! Why does she expect us to be _fine_ with that?"

A shadow crossed Bonnie's features but she shook her head and pulled herself together.

"So, now she's got stronger feelings for him?" she asked calmly.

"No, but she really thinks she does, which is _worse_. Oh and she blamed me for not supporting her through this "difficult period". Well, I'm doing my best! How am I supposed to support her when she's acting like a complete stranger?!"

"All right, let's calm down, love, you're making a bit of a scene," a smooth, silky voice spoke behind her and Bonnie frowned as Klaus made his way to Caroline and slipped a champagne glass in her hand.

"I'd better go find her," she said, wrinkling her nose. "If she's not being herself, I'll find out why."

* * *

"Jeremy!" Bonnie yelled, her heart in her throat.

He was standing over his sister, dagger pointing at her chest as Elena tried to stop the bleeding from her neck.

"Jeremy, she's your sister!"

But he was far gone, his eyes cast in a film-like haze, his expression hard, unyielding and downright murderous.

Bonnie had never seen him in such a state and it frightened her because he almost resembled a vampire.

"Jeremy, stop! You don't want to do this. This is not you."

"You don't know me," he muttered, his eyes glued to Elena's terrified orbs.

Bonnie took a deep breath and started walking towards him.

"Stay away," he growled menacingly. "This doesn't concern you."

"Why don't you let me decide that?" she asked gently, placing one hand over his shoulder and the other on the dagger.

The marks stretched out on his arm like inklings of an uncharted territory of madness.

She stared into his eyes and focused all her energy on those marks, trying to diminish their glow, trying to awaken the magic that would seal them off.

"It's all right, Jeremy. It's me, Bonnie. Your friend. I'm your friend. You don't have to do this, okay? You're only hurting yourself more."

For one brief moment, a flicker of recognition crossed his eyes and made him relax his grip on the weapon, but it was only a momentary weakness.

She was thrown across the room in a matter of moments. The hunter's strength was overpowering.

Before she lost her grip on the conscious world, she heard the sound of glass breaking, voices yelling and teeth sinking into skin. A pair of strong arms lifted her up and carried her over the sounds.

* * *

When she came round, she was lying on a sofa in one of the living rooms, icepack pressed to her head and a pillow under her cheek. A warm hand was pulling back the hair from her face.

"Matt?"

"Glad you're finally back, Bonnie."

"How long have I been out?"

"Half an hour or so. You took a pretty bad fall."

"Jer-" she began, jumping up, but Matt pushed her back down gently.

"Bonnie, relax. He's all right. Stefan and I took care of him. He's snapped out of his trance. He feels awful for what happened."

"But what caused it in the first place?"

Matt sighed, lowering his eyes.

"He killed a vampire, didn't he?" Bonnie asked, her voice wavering.

"It was a mistake. We'll make sure he never does it again. He doesn't want to, it's just-"

"The hunter's curse. I know. But you can't make sure he won't do it again, Matt. I saw the marks. They're growing. He's already in too deep. He'll want to -"

"No, he won't. I'll be there to stop him, okay? He won't do anything without me watching. I promise you."

Bonnie smiled weakly. She placed her hand on his.

"You're a good friend, Matt. But you can't fix everything."

"Well, neither can you," he replied, smiling back.

"Thanks for taking care of me back there."

"Ah...I, er, can't take all the credit for it. Damon brought you up. Told me to make sure you were okay."

Bonnie's expression darkened. "Damon?"

"Yeah, he, uh - don't get mad, okay? But he also gave you some of his blood so the wounds would heal quicker."

"He did what?!"

"He only gave you a little, it will be out of your system soon."

Bonnie groaned, shutting her eyes in frustration.

"I really don't understand him sometimes."

"Who does? He's...Damon."

"Ugh, one time I decide to actually come to one of these things and I get knocked out and fed vampire blood. Brilliant."

"Yeah, just your average day in Mystic Falls," Matt quipped, sympathizing.

* * *

She was going to find him and give him a piece of her mind. He had gone too far. She just didn't know where to start.

There were so many things she wanted to throw in his face.

One: He wasn't and never would be allowed to feed her his blood without her permission. Hell, he wasn't even allowed to touch her unless she said so. So there would be hell to pay for that.

Two: He needed to stop playing stupid mind games with Elena's head. She was already having a hard time being a vampire as it was. She didn't need to feel any more confused.

Three: How dare he start accusing Shane out of nowhere when the man had only been helping them from the start?

Four: He _still_ hadn't apologized for treating her like crap the previous week and now he was picking her up and healing her injuries? What kind of hypocritical, infuriating, assholish, reckless bastard -

Her phone started ringing.

"Bonnie! Are you still at Klaus'?" Caroline asked nervously.

"Um, do you mean if I'm still at this wretched pageant? Well, yeah, unfortunately. You were the one who made me lie down an extra hour, remember?"

"Oh, thank God, okay, Bonnie, listen to me, this is very important, is Damon still there?"

Bonnie frowned, growing suspicious.

"I don't know for sure, but I think so. Matt told me was talking to Mayor Lockwood..."

"Okay, here's the thing, I can't find Stefan anywhere, he took off and he's not answering his phone, because he's probably too heartbroken, but he needs to hear this, because I've just realized something and it might lead to potential disaster unless he knows and -"

"Caroline, slow down. What's happened?"

Bonnie had to sit down again.

There was a very strong possibility that Elena was -

"I mean Damon liked the red dress so Elena liked the red dress! Damon said she had to drink straight from the vein so she never could hold down any other blood! It all makes sense, Bonnie! It also explains why Klaus found Damon and Elena's sudden vampire bond so interesting."

- sired to Damon.

"Caroline, if this - if this is really happening, if this is even _possible_, we have to tell them. Damon too."

"I don't trust Damon with this information right now. Elena broke it off with Stefan and she's waiting for Damon at _his_ place, all vulnerable and alone and ready to fall into his arms. Do you think he'd miss out on that?"

_No._

_Yes._

_No_.

"Damon's a lot of things, but he wouldn't take advantage of her like that."

_Wait, why am I defending him? Caroline's right._

"Since when do you trust Damon not to do that? For all we know, he's probably deluded himself into thinking she has real feelings for him."

"She _does_ care for him, Caroline."

"Not the same way she cares about Stefan! Look, can you please just find him and delay him? Make sure he doesn't come back to the house until I find Stefan, okay?"

Bonnie groaned in frustration. "Fine, I'll try. But I'd rather just tell him -"

"Bonnie, please, not yet. I need to find Stefan first."

"Okay, all right, you do have a point. But please be careful, Care."

"You too."

* * *

She managed to catch him at the last moment as he was leaving the grounds, carrying his suit-jacket over his shoulder.

"Damon! Damon, wait!"

She rushed towards him although she didn't know what she was hoping to accomplish by stalling him for a couple of minutes. She didn't have magic on her side, not the kind of magic strong enough to stop him, in any case. And she couldn't do much to prevent a vampire from taking off and doing as he pleased.

He paused in his step and turned towards her, flashing her a condescending smile.

"No need to thank me, little witch. I'm always a gentleman."

"What are you - " she began confused.

Oh, _that_. Oh, he had a lot of nerve thinking she should be _grateful_ for _that_.

"Oh my God, you actually think you deserve my gratitude for what you did?!"

"Well, a box of Belgian truffles and a bottle of Pinot Noir will do too."

She gasped, scandalized.

"How could you think of force-feeding me your blood while I was unconscious? How could you even _consider _doing that?"

"Oh, I don't know, Bonnie, I guess I didn't want your blood to ruin that expensive carpet!" Damon snapped back, getting tired of her attitude.

"Oh, come off your high horse! It wasn't a serious injury! You could've called for an ambulance!"

"Oh, gee, sorry I didn't want to draw attention to little Gilbert having a psychotic break over his vampire sister! Sorry I stopped you from losing more blood instead of letting you bleed dry. In fact, I'm sorry I didn't let you lie there for all eternity. What _was_ I thinking indeed?"

"You're just lucky I haven't fully recovered my powers, because -"

"Because what, Bonnie? You would fry my brains out for _helping_ you? No good deed ever goes unpunished with you around, does it?"

Bonnie sighed, her shoulders sagging.

"I just don't want your blood, or any other vampire blood, in my system, all right? I don't care how many lives are saved, I don't want that stuff in me."

Damon scowled disdainfully. "That _stuff_, huh? You didn't seem to hate that stuff so much when you told me to feed Caroline last year."

Bonnie flinched. "I - I didn't want her to die, I was desperate -"

"So you'd use it to save Caroline's life, but not yours? Jesus, Bonnie, do you even hear yourself?"

"You don't get it; if I turn, I stop being a witch. Forever."

Damon paused mid-sentence and stared at her in surprise.

"Oh."

"Yeah, _oh_. Being a witch is who I am. I can't afford to lose that. I can't take that risk."

Damon sighed.

"No one's out to kill you, Judgy."

Her shoulders relaxed, somewhat. He was calling her Judgy. Good. She had to turn him around. She'd let her temper get the better of her and she'd forgotten her goal.

"Except for every other supernatural creature in this town."

Damon frowned. "They wouldn't touch you. We'd - we'd protect you."

Bonnie raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, Bennett witches are rare, can't afford to lose the one you've got," she retorted.

Damon smiled, although it didn't reach his eyes. "Something like that."

Bonnie almost felt a hint of disappointment, but it quickly died down.

"I guess - " she began, trying to find her words. Oh, God, this was going to be so hard to say out loud. But she knew she had to. And make it quick too.

"I guess I'm - I should be glad you...were there," she finished awkwardly. "Even if you did - what you did."

Damon narrowed his eyes suspiciously.

"So you _are_ thanking me, after all?"

Bonnie nodded her head uneasily.

"Right. I'm not buying it. You didn't come here to thank me. Matter of fact, you were scandalized by the idea mere moments ago. So what gives? What are you really here for, Bonnie? Spill it out."

_Damn it._

_Here it goes._

"Don't do it. Don't go home to Elena tonight."

Damon's entire expression changed from mirth to shock to anger in only a fracture of a second.

"So this is what it's all about? This is why you're following me?"

Bonnie looked down embarrassed.

"To make sure I'm not going to fuck my brother's ex in his own bedroom?"

"Damon, I know they broke up because of you -"

"That's right. _She_ broke up with him and _he_ broke up with her. _She_ made that call. Not me. I'm not the one who made her do it. And since she's your best friend, shouldn't you let her make her own choices?"

"Not when those choices have been clouded by-"

"By what? Vampire hormones? You think this has got anything to do with that?"

_Oh, Damon. You have no idea._

"Is it so ludicrous that she might have feelings for me?"

"That's not the point. I know she cares about you, Damon, but her feelings have been affected by the changes she's undergone-"

"You just can't accept that she would like someone like me, can you?"

Bonnie pursed her lips and shook her head.

"You're in denial. You can't see how much she's changed."

"Good. Maybe now she's finally being her true self. Ever thought of that?"

Bonnie looked away in frustration. Why couldn't she just tell him the truth?

"So don't worry, Bonnie," he added after a pause. "If anything does happen tonight, it will be all Elena."

With that he turned around and started walking away.

The force of his words hit her like a ton of bricks. Her head was reeling.

No.

No, she couldn't let this happen.

She had to prevent this, no matter what.

There had to be something she could do.

"What if I told you I don't want you to do it...because I..." she began frantically.

Damon shook his head, ignoring her pleas.

"What if I told you not to do it for _me_?"

_Me._

He froze mid-step. He couldn't have heard that right.

"What are you..."

"You heard me. What if my reasons were selfish?"

He almost wanted to laugh. Bonnie Bennett and selfishness didn't usually go well together.

_Me. Me. Me._ It was such a stark contrast to Elena's _You_.

He turned around slowly and gave her a piercing look. She was standing there with her fierce little expression, waiting for him to say or do something, something that would give her an inkling of what she was supposed to do next. It was almost as if she were begging him to go with it, to cheat his reason and take her charade for granted.

Almost as if she were trying to compel him to believe it.

He smiled and shook his head in amusement.

"Nice try, little witch. I admire your loyalty, but that was weak, even for you."

Bonnie felt her entire skin ignite with anger and hunger as she surveyed his full lips, curled up in one of his insidious smirks.

Oh, that was weak, was it? All right, she'd show him weak.

Without thinking too much about it, dropping all pretenses and restraints, she ran to him, closing the distance between them and it was as if he was waiting for it to happen because she collapsed into him and when her hands brought his head to her lips, his hands were already on her waist, drawing her closer.

Anyone walking by would have come across a funny sight.

It was as if they were fighting for dominance, their tongues and teeth clashing furiously, trying to outdo each other. He held her head so close to his that from afar it looked as if part of her was missing.

Memories from their night at the warehouse resurfaced and whatever had started then was continuing now, intensified, enhanced, augmented and magnified, shining brightly, consuming them both.

He didn't know what he was feeling; it wasn't happiness, it wasn't sadness, it was nothing like that, it wasn't even a _feeling_. It was just there, a raw mess of foreign sensations he couldn't control. There was lust, there was confusion, there was anger, there was damage.

When they finally broke for air, they both looked as if they had been away in a distant land and had just come back to reality.

Small tremors shook her body as she stared into his dark eyes. She wondered if the same want was expressed in hers.

The full extent of what she had done hadn't sunk in yet, but it would, any moment now, any moment...

In the heat of the moment, Damon wanted to pull her to him again and she almost leaned forward, but a sudden coldness overcame her senses and he noticed the way her eyes shifted from him to the ground. Her gaze was fearful. Her body was drawing away.

She couldn't trust herself around him right now, but Damon misunderstood her reluctance.

"Elena's lucky to have you. Nobody could ask for a more loyal friend," he said quietly, stepping away. He couldn't let himself believe her little play-act, no matter how convincing. She was willing to do everything for Elena. Even... even...

He didn't _want_ to believe it. This - this wasn't what he wanted.

He did not _want_ her.

Bonnie scrunched her eyebrows in confusion. "What are you...?"

He didn't leave much room for a reply, because the next moment, he was gone.

* * *

He was back, back where he should have been all along, back to her. Elena was waiting for him in the living room, all smiles and softness. She was wearing a lovely dress. The firelight was making her skin glow.

No dream or fantasy could live up to this.

This was the essential, no, _quintessential,_ moment of his life.

Someone had fallen in love with him, someone loved him, someone wanted him for who he was. Acceptance.

"Hey, where have you been?" she asked, eyes shimmering with affection.

"Nowhere," he answered, smiling.

* * *

Bonnie lay on the floor, her back against the bed, head in her hands, trying to shut herself off from reality.

_What have I done?_

_.  
_

* * *

They were dancing again, just like last time, just like every time, dancing around each other until they finally reached their destination.

Bodies close, hands clasped together, they swayed back and forth and she felt safe, finally accepted and loved for who she was.

The fight with herself was over. She could embrace this new state and let herself be embraced by someone like her.

Except, his eyes looked troubled and although he was holding her tight, he seemed a bit distracted.

"You okay?" she asked hoarsely.

"Of course. Why wouldn't I be?" he said, running his hands across her back and kissing the hollow of her neck.

Elena smiled and brought her lips to his.

She felt his mouth moving almost hesitantly at first, as if he was holding back.

Her tongue brushed against his boldly, and he smiled into the kiss. But his lips moved from her lips to her cheeks, then her eyes and finally to her forehead where they paused and hovered over her hair.

It was as if he was trying to encapsulate every part of her into this chaste, almost fatherly kiss.

His chin rested against her head and he held her to him in a vise grip, so tight she couldn't even hear herself breathing.

She wondered what he was thinking, what he was feeling.

He pulled away finally and kissed her forehead again.

"Let's take this slow. I don't want to rush into anything. I want to enjoy every part," he spoke softly, trying hard to look at her and see her and only her, no shadow, no darker vision.

Elena, flustered and disappointed, felt a new wave of affection for him, because he was being so kind and patient when all she wanted to do was tear his clothes off.

She understood him, or at least she thought she did and she smiled, knowing he was doing this for her.

"Thank you."

"You should go rest. You've had a long day," he told her, brushing her hair from her face. "Don't forget to feed, all right?"

Elena nodded her head obediently. Feed. Yes. She needed to feed soon.

"I'll be close by if you need me," he added in a final voice.

Elena felt her body resisting his words, wanting to stay with him longer, but there was a stronger pull inside of her, driving her towards the bedroom, away from him. She was too content to think about it now, but that didn't mean she wouldn't, eventually.

* * *

Hayley poured him another glass and settled down across from him. She narrowed her eyes when she caught his all-knowing smile.

"You seem very confident about this, but can you deliver?"

"I am and I can," Shane replied unabashedly.

"Words are just words, _Professor_."

"No, actually, words are more than that, words _are_ actions. I don't have to exert myself, Hayley. She already trusts me."

"So you're sure you can get the witch to do as you please?"

"In due time, yes."

"And you think you'll turn her against her vampire friends?"

"Oh, they're going to do that for me, one way or another."

"That seems like a pretty vague premise to me."

"Let me put it this way, Hayley -"

* * *

"Care, please, I told you I'm fine - no, he didn't do anything to me, no, we just fought as usual and he left. Sorry I couldn't do anything - no, stop it, you don't have to come over, just find Stefan for me, all right?" Bonnie told her friend on the phone as she climbed down the stairs.

She had to get out of her room and get some food in her stomach so she could process the events that had unfolded and see what little damage she could undo.

But more importantly, she needed to take a shower and wipe all memory of that kiss.

_Remember, Bonnie, you're not allowed to play teenager. It's a slippery slope..._

"Caroline, I swear, I am not falling over and my injuries have healed so can you just -"

She had to stop mid-sentence because someone was knocking at her door.

She pattered towards the hallway barefoot and peered through the front windows.

_Shit._

"Uh, Care, I'm gonna have to call you back - it's my oven..." she trailed off, hanging up, not even bothering to find a credible excuse.

_You don't have to open this door. You don't have to open this door._

She swung the door open and schooled her features into the sternest expression she could find.

"What are _you_ doing here?"

She couldn't help it though, couldn't help the hopeful tone in her voice, because he was here now and maybe that meant he hadn't acted on his feelings for Elena.

Damon leaned one arm against the doorway, keeping his head down.

"So, let me recap this so we're both on the same page. In the past month, I've been cockblocked not once, not twice, not thrice, but _four_ times. Four fucking times, Bonnie. Do you know what that does to a vampire in the prime of his life?"

She scrunched her eyebrows in confusion.

"What are you -"

"And at least twice, you were the culprit."

"I don't -"

"See, I can't have Elena, but I can't have fun with anyone else either. That seems to be the pattern, doesn't it?" he asked, lifting his head and meeting her eyes.

"Are you drunk?"

Damon chuckled.

"I wish. Look, safe to say you owe me big, little witch. So you'd better think of ways to pay me back."

Bonnie tried to steady her erratic heartbeats. No use having a tiny heart attack over this.

"I gather you didn't..." she trailed off, a small smile appearing at the corner of her lips.

"No, I went home, kissed Elena goodnight, tucked her into bed and now I'm here. Standing in front of you like the biggest fucking moron on the planet."

"Actually, for once, you're not being a mo-"

"So I'm asking you right now," he interrupted her impatiently. "How do you plan on making it up to me?"

Bonnie swallowed thickly and looked down at her bare feet.

"Damon..."

"There's no Alaric or Elena to interrupt us, so go on, little witch, tell me," he beckoned her.

Bonnie felt too aware of their bodies and the way they both emanated this nightly warmth, a warmth reserved for people whose desires had been foiled one too many times.

The whole thing was maddening; the way he looked at her, the way she looked at him, the way he leaned against her doorway, the way she stood so close to him that he only had to step forward to -

* * *

- even if they don't turn her against them, it's still to my advantage. Whatever they do, I still get to reap the fruits," Shane explained.

"I don't get it."

"Think of it this way; what is a witch's greatest enemy? The vampire, right? It's the darkness to her light, the only one whose blood can snuff her out completely. But what most people don't know is that a vampire can also ignite a witch's magic."

.

* * *

- catch her lips in a searing kiss and pull her body to him as he rushed inside the house and pushed her up against the kitchen counter, pausing only to lift her up so she could wrap her legs around him. He stared into her eyes for a moment, but when he saw that she was barely holding it together herself as she clung to him like a bird in a cage, he let go and kissed her hard, almost making her fall over, moving his hands up and down her bare thighs, trying to bring her closer and closer until he could somehow quench the first -

* * *

"Some bonds between vampires and witches are known to have led to an increase in the latter's magical scope and potential. It depends on what kind of bond we're speaking of."

* * *

- that was never going to leave him, because she was filling up every part of him with a cool, sweet liquid, but draining him of it at the same time, giving him only a taste before making him dive in for more. Soon enough he started pulling off her sweatpants and she began to unbutton his shirt, clumsily at first, stopping for some moments because the damn buttons just wouldn't budge and her fingers were too slippery. She was being that stupid, reckless teenager from her fantasies, the one she'd always envied, and no buttons were going to stand in her way now.

Damon chuckled, catching her hands in his and trailing kisses down her neck. Soon enough they were lost in it again and his shirt was off easier than expected. He raised her arms and pulled off her T-shirt and although in a way it was going quite fast, it was also excruciatingly slow.

It was peculiar, watching the shifts from timidness to audacity that Bonnie exhibited as things went further and further.

At one point, she stopped and burying her face in his neck she mumbled:

"Um, I don't usually do this - I mean I haven't done this many times - so I..."

"I don't mind," he replied, in between trying to find the right spot under her ear that he knew would make her skin tingle.

"Why would you?" she asked, stiffening slightly.

Damon rolled his eyes. She was almost adorable in her defensiveness.

"What would you have me say, Bonnie?"

"N-Nothing. Just do that thing again."

"What thing?"

"You know..."

"Actually, you'll have to be more specific."

"Damon!"

"Bedroom first?" he asked and she nodded, letting him unclasp her bra.

* * *

"So what you're saying is that, one of her vampire friends might help her get her magic back?" Hayley asked, raising a brow.

* * *

He was trying really hard not to come undone too soon, but she had just rolled over him and he was underneath her and it was becoming increasingly difficult to keep it up, seeing as she had grown more comfortable doing certain things that would ensure he wouldn't last long.

She looked so free and so radiant standing above him, swaying her hips with his, eyes closed, hands on his chest.

It had been a very quick transition from a slow make-out session in bed to suddenly...this. There was something tangible in the air.

He pulled himself up and started kissing her breasts again because she would make some very choice sounds whenever he bit into her nipples, but she pushed him back down again and something like an invisible shield kept him there. She started going faster and faster and he lost himself into the feeling of her taking complete control of him.

When the orgasm hit, she tilted her head, arching her back into him and he watched mesmerized as she gasped and made a strangled sound.

Her skin glistened with sweat and she smelt of hyacinths and sex which, coupled with her sudden generosity - she kept moving for him and trailed bite marks down his stomach - finally made him lose it and he came with such force that he felt part of his brain was going to burst -

* * *

"That's exactly what I'm saying," Shane replied, grinning.

* * *

- in an aneurysm. It wasn't just a feeling, he was experiencing several aneurysms at the same time, yet the pain only enhanced the pleasure more and prolonged his throes. He didn't have time to process it, he just let out a high-pitched sound that made Bonnie pop another one of his blood vessels. This time, though, he pulled her down to him and kissed her roughly and the electricity and pain moved from one body to the other.

.

* * *

Elena sat up in bed with an uneasy feeling in her stomach. She was restless. And hungry. Not a good combination.

Why was she hungry? She had fed on Matt some hours ago.

Yes, but Damon had said she needed to feed before bed. And she had to listen to him.

He hadn't specified it, though. He hadn't told her whom to feed on.

She went out of her room and started looking for him.

"Damon...? Where are you?"

His absence left her queasy and uncertain. Whom should she feed on?

Maybe she should get dressed and go out. Find someone to drink from for the night, because he had told her to feed.

So she'd do it.

Just this once.


	9. Chapter 9

_Wow, how about that episode (**We'll Always Have Bourbon Street**)? I mean I thought the last one was hard to write for. But boy, had I underestimated the TVD writers' ability to suck. _

_I think I managed to put my own spin on it quite well, considering the stuff I had to work with.  
_

_But, you know what, as long as it makes you happy and you come here and feel that Season 4 makes more sense, I don't care if it's almost impossible to rewrite these episodes :))  
_

_Seriously, you guys are the best and there's just no amount of love to express that. You have no idea how happy it makes me to know this story provides certain things the show doesn't. This fandom never fails to bring a smile to my face, you're so awesome! Many, many thanks to all of you who've read and reviewed.  
_

_As always, the anonymous reviewers deserve their due too: **Guest(1)** - thank you:) , **neki **- thank you so much, very flattered!, **Adm** - haha, well I'd be fine with that:)), **Guest(2)** - aww, thank you!, **Guest(3)** - thank you, glad you did:), **Guest(4)** - thank you, I feel you, these writers are trolling us for sure, **Mehr03** - thank you, updated:), **Alexis** - thank you, happy you liked it:), **guest2 D** - haha, you know I bet that won't be far from the truth, I bet even her own dad will find a way to use her, our girl has no luck outside of fanfics, **Vie **- aww, thank you! I was a bit worried about it, but glad to see people agree Damon should have gone to Bonnie :)  
_

_On another note, I have to admit I'm a lurker. I don't have a Tumblr account, but I do sometimes lurk on the Bonnie Bennett and Bamon tags and I saw some shout-outs of this fanfic and I just wanted to say how thrilled and humbled I am by all your support. Thanks to all Tumblr people for being so lovely.  
_

_As for this chapter, well, it's another tricky one. It might start off in a chipper mood, but be warned, angst is coming. Lots of it. Okay, maybe not lots of it, but you get the picture. This is not a very happy chapter, although there is plenty of hope, don't despair!  
_

_I'm very curious to see your reactions, of course :) _

_Enjoy!  
_

_P.S.: If you're surprised that Bonnie's "expression" subplot hasn't showed up in this chapter, don't be. It's coming up, but I'm doing it differently and I'd be spoiling too much if I introduced it here. Safe to say, there is a plan.  
_

_P.S. 2: Yes, Damon is a key part in Bonnie getting her magic back, but it's a bit more complicated than that and there's always a catch, of course. You'll see why in later chapters.  
_

_P.S.3: I'll be expecting your theories on Elena's subplot :P  
_

* * *

He hated mornings and everything that had to do with the sun rising. They always reminded him of something he was missing out on, some great rhythm of nature he was no longer part of. Light was only a luminous vibrant space that eluded him. Warmth, too, was traitorous, slippery, never quite _warm_.

But maybe this wasn't so half-bad.

Her body was curled up in a pool of sunlight and it physically hurt to stare at her for too long, but somehow she made it easier, because you remembered who she was.

Her weight next to his own gave him a sense of normalcy, almost as if this were just another boring Monday morning and they were just boring human beings, one more awake than the other.

He was sitting up in bed, fully-dressed, perusing her Grimoire with great interest, glancing over her sleeping form from time to time to check ...well, he didn't know, her rhythmic breathing? Her beating pulse? Her fingers clenched around the duvet? Her nose buried in the pillow?

It was so strange. There was no drama, no problems, no emergency, no worries. Every minute was going by slowly, peacefully, shattering his notions of time.

Maybe mornings _didn't_ have to suck. Maybe it didn't have to matter, early in the morning, who they were, what this all meant, what it was leading up to.

What's the point of ever thinking about these things when you can just enjoy this...normalcy?

"You're still here?" a hoarse voice asked, incredulous. Someone with his track record would definitely bail.

He rolled his eyes and put down the Grimoire on her nightstand. _Of course_ this would be the very first question she would ask.

It was hilarious how she was trying to cover herself up by "subtly" wrapping the sheets and duvet around her body. To say she was flustered was the understatement of the century.

She kept looking around her as if she had expected to find herself in someone else's bedroom.

"So you think I'd just come over, have my fun and leave without making you feel uncomfortable?" he asked, grinning.

"Don't tell me that would be a first," she replied, raising an eyebrow.

"I'm sorry but you're not allowed to switch to Judgy mode when you're wearing...nothing underneath that," he smirked suggestively.

Bonnie crossed her arms over her chest and adopted a stern pose.

"I'm not ashamed."

"Right, that's why you're trying to cover yourself with everything in sight."

"Excuse me if I don't feel like being naked in everyday life."

"Who says this is everyday life? I'm pretty sure that got canceled when we decided to bump uglies. Hell, I'm surprised the universe hasn't collapsed."

"Bump uglies? Really? What are you, in seventh grade? And why is it such a remote possibility that we -" but she stopped mid-sentence and froze up.

"Little witch?"

She looked up at him in sudden realization and horror.

"Oh my God. We had sex."

Damon raised an eyebrow in confusion. "Yes, Bonnie, that is correct. You were _there_."

"Oh my God. Oh my God. What did I do? What did _we_ do?! Oh my God." She got up and started pacing up and down the room, dragging sheets and duvet across the floor, working herself into a frenzy.

"Oh God."

"You know, this is a _tad_ insulting. I couldn't've been that bad," Damon commented, watching her amused.

"Would you shut up?! We had sex, you moron!"

"Yeah and you're acting like it's the Hindenburg disaster."

"That was _not_ supposed to happen, Damon. I was mad at you! You just took off and left me at that pageant like an idiot, not to mention you fed me your blood-"

"I did it to heal you! Not convince you to go to bed with me! Vampire blood doesn't work that way!"

He was starting to lose his patience with her. Didn't she know he had a _lot_ more on his mind? Didn't she know that he, more than her, had several reasons to regret this?

"I know vampire blood doesn't work that way! That's not the point! The point was that you had no right to do that! And we were supposed to talk about these things, not sleep together. And I don't even want to think about what Elena and Stefan-"

"What about Elena and Stefan?" he asked, a bit louder than intended, because the two were on his mind as well.

"Don't tell me you're secretly dating one of them," he added, smiling coldly.

"You know what I mean."

"Actually, I don't. Look, answer me this," he said, getting up and standing in front of her, preventing her from marching up and down the room.

"Did it feel wrong?"

She blinked in surprise. "What?"

He tilted her chin with his fingers so that she was staring directly into his eyes.

"Did _this_ feel wrong?"

Bonnie scrunched her eyebrows in confusion.

What was he asking her? If she had been comfortable? If the intimacy had...felt natural? She hadn't thought about it much the other night. She was always shy about these things and lacked in experience, but that hadn't prevented her from letting herself go. So maybe pent-up desire and undisclosed issues worked in their favor.

"Well, no - not in a physical sense," she began, trying to sort out her thoughts.

"Good enough for me."

With one swift move, he pulled off her covers, throwing them on the floor. She undressed him quickly and they collapsed on the bed again.

It was a bit faster this time around, a bit rougher, a bit messier, but he still stopped to look at her when she came undone because it was too vivid an image to miss. Better than any morning, sunrise, light or warmth.

He knew this wouldn't solve anything, but he didn't want to face reality just yet. He wanted to live in this moment for a while.

* * *

Elena woke up to the sound of birds chirping and for a moment, she was happy, because she felt human again.

It was that fullness, from head to toe, that feeling of being sated, nurtured, nourished. When you know you no longer need blood.

The ground had stopped spinning and she could finally look up and see the branches, dropping small rain drops on her forehead.

She snapped up instantly, almost pulling a muscle.

Why was she in the forest?

How had she ended up here?

Her hands, neck, T-Shirt and jeans were soaked in dried blood.

She stared at her bloodied fingers for what felt like an eternity.

Then she screamed.

* * *

"Okay, now we _really_ have to talk about it. This was the second time in the last 10 hours."

"And counting."

"Damon!"

"What? Objectively speaking, it could happen a third-"

"_Objectively speaking_, I am going to hit you."

"All right, all right. What do you want me to say?"

"I don't know. Something that would make sense."

"Well, let's not beat around the bush. We're obviously...okay with...each other."

"That's not beating around the bush?"

"Okay, we're _attracted_ to each other. Happy?"

"_No_. But I guess it's a _thing_. We like each other physically. But only physically."

"Right."

"Because you're a complete bastard in real life."

"And you're a judgmental pain in the ass."

"Not to mention, being friends with you would be a constant strain on my nerves."

"Trust me, I'd rather take your witchy migraines."

"Good."

"Good."

"About those migraines..."

"You're welcome."

"What?"

"Well, obviously, you got your powers back because of the great sex you had."

"And _you_ made the sex great?"

"Who else? You? Debbie Downer is more exciting than you are."

"I don't even know who that is."

"Seriously? You've never seen the sketches? Do you live under a rock?"

"Can you focus for two minutes? I didn't get my powers back. Not...fully. I mean I tried giving you a migraine earlier and it didn't work. I tried moving my alarm clock too, but-"

"Wait, you tried to witchy-migraine me _again_?"

"You didn't seem to mind it last night. In fact you told me to do it again."

"Oh, great, so now you probably think you've got yourself a "migraine-Damon" gift card."

"Call it what you want. The point is, I'm _starting_ to get my powers back and I'm not fully sure _why_ so don't take the credit yet."

"Right. Well you realize the obvious solution, don't you?"

"Enlighten me."

"We need to practice more so you _do_ get them back."

"..."

"Hey, you were the one who was pissed about being left out of the important conversations."

"So you're suggesting we should have sex until I can migraine you on a daily basis?"

"Seems legit to me."

"Right. You're gonna go back to the Boarding House and realize just how stupid that actually sounded."

"Fine. Suit yourself. Stay magic-less. I'm sure pedo-teach has a _much_ better plan."

"You're serious. You actually think this can happen?"

"Why not?"

"I don't know, aren't you completely in love with Elena? Or is that a thing of the past?"

"What does that have to do with it? You said it yourself, it's only physical."

* * *

But it _did_ have everything to do with it. It _was_ everything. Because whatever he told himself, he still felt guilty. It was a small comfort that it had just been something physical, something he had needed to purge out of his system (twice) and might need to purge again in the future, but the feeling that he had done something wrong was not going to leave him. It would never leave him. It was a part of him now.

Just like the want. The maddening, all-consuming want. He really wanted the witch and he wasn't ready to give it up yet. Not when it was so brand new.

He stepped inside the house quietly, hoping Elena would be at school, hoping to avoid a confrontation. She'd ask questions he wouldn't know how to answer.

But he didn't have to worry about that.

Stefan was crouched down next to Elena who was sobbing on the couch, covered in blood.

_Fuck._

* * *

"Where were you?"

"How could you let this happen?"

"She fed on someone, that's what happened."

"And she doesn't remember doing it. Doesn't remember who it was."

"She woke up with blood on her hands, Damon."

"Where were you?"

* * *

The want was dangerous. The want had caused this. The want had triggered someone's death. The want was deadly.

* * *

"You have to remember, Damon. What was the last thing you told her? You have to remember," Stefan pleaded.

"It doesn't _matter_ what I told her. She's _not_ sired to me, Stefan. Don't you think I would've realized that?"

"Tell me one thing she hasn't done that you've asked her. One thing."

"You've said some pretty idiotic stuff in the past, but this just takes the cake. I know what siring means. Do you think I was literally born yesterday?"

"Or maybe you just don't want to feel guilty. Because it's on you too, Damon. If she killed someone, it's on you too."

"Really? And where were you last night? Crying on Caroline's shoulder because the mean big brother got the girl? Why don't you just admit the truth?"

"Which is?"

"That you're actually relieved."

"Relieved?!"

"Sure. I mean one casualty can be covered up, but what if I had screwed your ex-girlfriend? I'm sure that would've struck a chord."

When Stefan's fist collided with his face, he realized he had hoped his brother would do that.

* * *

Bonnie received the phone call during class. Caroline said it was urgent. They had to meet up at the Boarding House. Elena needed help.

She needed her friends. It was an emergency. Something had gone horribly wrong.

For a moment, Bonnie panicked inwardly, thinking the girl might have found out about Damon's and her indiscretion, but she pushed the thought away immediately.

For one, she doubted Elena would want to see her in person if that were the case. And Caroline had sounded dead serious. It was probably much bigger than a one-night stand. And a one-morning stand.

Safe to say, she was worried, because she did not trust vampire Elena to listen to human Elena and she suspected that was the case now.

When she arrived at the house, Caroline had already brought a ton of comfort food, including all the ice-cream available in Mystic Falls, rom-coms and just about any fluffy thing she could think of.

Sure, only Bonnie would probably be able to eat, but the idea that she'd be surrounded by all those cliches might make Elena feel better.

"I also brought alcohol and blood-bags from the cellar. So you know, it's evened out," Caroline explained.

They all sat in bed, eating, drinking and watching _Bridget Jones' Diary_. Caroline and Bonnie held Elena, trying to get her out of the numb state she was in.

She had stopped crying, but she was thoroughly depressed.

"I'm sorry you have to suffer with me. You're not supposed to go through this. I am," Elena told them at one point.

"Elena, you're torturing yourself for what might be nothing. You probably just fed on someone, you didn't necessarily kill them," Caroline reasoned.

"Caroline, I know what I did, even if I can't remember. There was too much blood on me. I felt too good. Like I'd drunk enough blood to last me a week."

Bonnie handed her another blood-bag. Elena's only real comfort was that she could finally drink from blood-bags, as of this morning.

"What if I can only drink this stuff now because I drained someone?" Elena asked despondently.

Bonnie shook her head. "That's nonsense and you know it."

"Do you have a better explanation?"

Bonnie looked down in her lap guiltily. It was pretty hard to sit there and lie when she knew Damon had been the one to tell Elena she could drink from blood-bags. And she couldn't exactly commiserate when she knew that a part of what had happened had been her fault too.

If Damon hadn't "stayed over", Elena wouldn't have gone off the rails.

Whatever might have happened between the two, it would have been better than having Elena (probably) commit her second murder.

"No, but I have a better plan for the night," she said, taking out a plastic bag with some herbs from her bag.

Desperate times called for desperate measures.

"Is that...?" Caroline asked, eyes widening.

"It's spirit tea, okay? So you can calm down. It's...it will help us relax. She needs it. Trust me."

"Professor Creep give you that?"

"If you call him a creep one more time, you're not getting any."

Half an hour later, they were running around the house, singing the lyrics to _Born To Die_ like there was no tomorrow.

* * *

Eventually, they sobered down and ended up in the bathroom. Elena sat in the bathtub, staring at the cold tiles around her. The short-lived euphoria was gone. It hadn't been very strong to begin with. She'd been in a state of lethargy, she'd blocked out all bad feelings, but now everything was bright and clear again.

"What sucks the most is not remembering. Anything. At all. It's all a blank. And I don't know why."

Caroline sighed and placed her hand over Elena's.

"You'll remember. It will come to you. It has to."

"What if it doesn't? What if I never remember?"

Bonnie filled up her wine glass. "I'm pretty sure I'll get my magic back soon. All of it. And I'll try to help you remember, Elena."

Elena smiled sadly. "Thanks for being here for me, the both of you. I don't deserve it."

Bonnie looked away, trying to ignore how terrible her words made her feel.

"Of course you deserve it. You'd do the same for us," Caroline told her confidently.

Elena nodded her head.

"Where was Damon last night anyway?" the blonde vampire asked all of a sudden, sitting up.

"He was...out," Elena answered hazily. "He told me he was out looking for Stefan."

"Huh. Is that so? Cuz I was doing the same thing and I found him. I'm pretty sure Damon would have gotten there sooner, seeing as it's _his_ brother."

Bonnie just knew her cheeks were on fire. She just knew it. But she didn't dare look up.

"What are you implying?" Elena asked, frowning.

"Nothing, I was just curious."

"Weren't you the one saying my feelings for Damon disgust you? I thought you'd be happy he wasn't here."

Caroline pursed her lips angrily.

"How can you say that, Elena?"

"How can _you_ blame Damon for this?"

"Oh come on, Elena! You can't be _that_ blind."

"Blind about what? My feelings for him?"

"Your feelings for him are not a real thing and if you looked deep down, you'd know that."

"Care," Bonnie began warningly when she saw that Elena was glaring daggers at her. "Let's not do this right now."

"No, we're doing this now, Bonnie," Elena retorted angrily. "What gives you the right to talk about how I feel?"

"It's not what you feel, Elena. It's what you think you feel."

"Stop it! Isn't it enough that I'm going through this right now?"

"But you don't have to! It's _his_ fault! _He_ told you to feed on someone!"

"What are you talking about?"

"You're sired to him, Elena!"

* * *

Bonnie called his number a thousand times. Dialed it over and over again until she learned it by heart.

But to no avail.

Whatever he was up to, it was keeping him fully occupied. But she had to know, even though she shouldn't really care. She had to know if he was all right. The news must have devastated him.

She almost regretted not having told him the previous night. He might have taken it better if someone other than Stefan (or Elena) had cemented the idea.

* * *

Damon couldn't let himself answer the phone. The want had been his undoing. Because of him and her, Elena had lost herself. She had listened to him, had gone out to do what he had told her, had probably _murdered_ someone, and all that time he had been sleeping with her best friend.

* * *

When he arrived back at the house, Elena was lying in bed, pretending to sleep.

He sat down next to her and took her hand in his.

She squeezed it tightly, lacing her fingers with his, as a tear escaped her eye.

"Why weren't you here, Damon? Why weren't you here last night?"

He almost wanted to hate her, to hate her with the full extent of his being. But he couldn't hate the witch. No, it was too late.

"I know I'm sired to you," she added.

"Elena..."

"But I'm not blaming you for what I did. You didn't tell me to kill, you told me to feed."

"Elena. You know that's not exactly true. I'm responsible for what happened to you."

"I'm only blaming you for leaving me," she continued undeterred. "I can only blame you for that."

Damon's face broke in a grimace of pain.

"I swear to you, if I could go back and change -"

"No. Don't go there. Just...please. I need you. I need you right now, more than ever. Just be here."

"I promise. I will. I won't leave you again."

She smiled sadly. "You promised that before, remember?"

"This time I'll do right by you. I can't do right by my brother. I can't be selfless with him. But I _can - _I can fix this. I can absolve your guilt."

Elena raised herself on her elbows, looking at him in concern.

"What are you talking about?"

"Elena, I'm always going to take care of you, you know that, right?"

"What -"

"But I have to do this. I _need_ to do this. I have to let you go."

"What? Why? Damon, no, please -"

"You're sired to me, Elena! And I turned you into a - into someone you don't -"

"A murderer?" she finished bleakly. "Wasn't I one before?"

_That was still me. You killed Connor because of me. _

"Not like this."

"Damon. Listen to me. I wanted to kill Connor. I probably wanted to k-kill the second one too. I'm already a monster, with or without you. I've already lost myself. I can't lose you too."

"You're not a monster, Elena. Far from it. Monsters never realize what they are. Monsters never feel guilt. Monsters never feel lost."

He knew. He, _the monster_.

"And...you know you can never lose me."

"Then why do I feel I'm losing you right now?"

"Do you think I _want_ to do this? Do you think I'm _enjoying_ this? You're sired to me which means you've got no agency. It means nothing was ever real. And that's what kept me going all this time I was in love with you. That it _might_ be real."

"_Was_ in love?" she asked, her voice cracking.

Damon cupped her cheek and rubbed his thumb against her tears.

"It doesn't matter if I love you or not. I have to let you go."

Elena placed his hand over his.

"Damon, this _is_ real. I know it. I can feel it. Tyler told me; the way someone feels is not affected by the sire bond. What I felt for you before hasn't vanished."

"But it's been magnified," he finished for her. "I need to know how you feel when it's not."

"But you already know! It doesn't matter whether I'm human or a vampire. I can prove to you that my feelings are real, just give me a chance-"

Damon pulled her to him and his voice acquired an edge she had never heard before.

"Elena Gilbert. You are not going to know I did this, you are not going to remember my words. You will wake up tomorrow and you'll never know. But you are free. I am letting you go. You are going to go on with your life and forget you felt these things for me. You are free."

* * *

He vanished before she woke up from her trance, vanished before he could see the effect of his words.

His heart was breaking and no one could ever put it back together.

Because he loved the person he couldn't have and wanted the person he shouldn't.


	10. Chapter 10

_What's that you say? This chapter was published a bit later than usual? I warned you this would happen. Also, this took a lot of time to write, what with college and other obligations, so yeah, Wednesday night it is. _

_Good news, though: the winter holidays are here! more Bamon time! _

_Okay this is my do-over of Episode 9:** O come, All ye Faithful** and let me tell you, it took me by surprise too. Honestly, I don't know how to feel about this chapter. I'm overwhelmed. You've got to understand I am going through what you're going through as readers, because I never know where the show and my own imagination will take me.  
_

_Hopefully, I ended up in a good place with this one. You'll be the judges of that.  
_

_Speaking of which, who's got the best reviewers in the world? I do! Gosh, 28 reviews for the last chapter alone? You guys are love, that's what you are and if I could squish you all into one massive hug I would. I really would. But I'm afraid you'd die from asphixiation.  
_

_Many, many thanks to the anonymous reviewers whom I can't thank otherwise: **Guest(1)**: no YOU are amazing! so glad people like a slow burn, I myself am a huge fan of those:) thank you for the kind words:), **Guest(2)**: thank you!, **Guest(3)**: awww, many thanks :), **Guest(4)**: yay, someone's noticing my not-so-subtle "want" leitmotif, hurrah!, **Adm**: thank you:) wonder what you'll think of this one regarding Damon and Elena, **Alinda**: omg, that is the sweetest thing ever! aaaah, I have to admit I also look forward to writing this more than watching the actual show, thank you so much!,** Guest(5)**: that, incidentally, was my favorite line :)) and I'm glad you can live with this triangle because there's more of that coming up:), **Mehr03**: thanks for always leaving a comment, oh and updated:), **Bamonator** (brilliant name): awww am so humbled when I hear you guys like my fic more :) there are so many talented people on ffnet that I bet would write a much, MUCH better show than the one the current writers are putting out, but oh well, fanfics will have to do:), **guest2 D**: Oh God, don't remind me of that atrocity of a conversation. I've never felt more insulted in my life. They completely fucked up Elena's character in one stupid, cruel, OOC sentence that left me bitter and hopeless about this character's evolution. Sigh. And I totally agree, it is BEYOND me how she's still got friends with that attitude, but you know how it is, we care about people who don't care back. Thank you for the kind words regarding the last chapter. As for who Elena killed, all shall be revealed in the new chapter :), **Alexis**: Yey! So happy you did!, **Vie**: so glad you liked chapter 8 too, that one was probably my second favorite :) I feel very honoured to be included among the high order of writing Gods:)) as for Damon, well, he's a bit of both in my fic, selfish and selfless, that is, and the new chapter will shed some light on what was going on through his head at the end of the previous one and what the exact repercussions of his actions will be. and yes, TVD needs new writers like it needs blood!  
_

_Before I let you (hopefully) enjoy the new chapter, I'd like to point out to those of you who do not watch the show and only read this fic that I can't always cover every aspect of the episode, because that would take AGES. I usually assume you can fill in the gaps. What I don't include in the chapter is most likely left unchanged in the episode. _

_Of course, it really does help if you watch the episode or read a Wiki entry at least, so as not to feel confused:) If my fic is enough, then I'm very happy, but I hope I'm not causing any headaches :)  
_

_That being said, I'm curious to hear your take on the new changes I've made. And any opinions you might have about this underwhelming midseason finale.  
_

_Eagerly awaiting your reactions!_

* * *

He was having a dream.

A very good one, in fact.

It must have been a dream, otherwise she wouldn't be lying next to him, watching him sleep. Her fingers dove into his hair and massaged his scalp.

He almost wanted to purr.

"You know, you need to relax more. You're putting too much stress on yourself."

Damon smiled. "Not feeling very stressed right _now_."

Elena tugged at his hair. "Not yet."

His eyes snapped open.

_No._

He raised himself on his elbows and watched her warily.

"Elena, what are you doing in here?"

She frowned, as if she had not understood the question.

"I was watching you sleep. You look sort of peaceful. It makes me feel at peace too."

Damon's eyes widened.

"What do you remember about last night?"

"Last night?" she echoed confused.

"The talk we had? About the sire bond?"

She blinked surprised. It was as if a deep fog had descended on her mind. "Um, sorry, it's a bit early, I don't remember much right now..."

"Are you sure?"

"I wasn't feeling all that great last night. I must've blanked out. Sorry. I'm still - trying to - cope with everything."

Damon pursed his lips. This was _not_ happening to him. It couldn't. If he was being tempted a second time, he might not be able to resist this time around.

"So you don't recall anything I told you, then."

"You can tell me now, if it's so important."

Damon sighed and rubbed his eyes, as if trying to wipe away the cold, hard truth the morning had brought with it.

The frustrating thing was that first part _had_ worked. She had forgotten everything he had told her, just as instructed.

But the sire bond was still there, apparently.

_How?_

Was it because he had made her forget? Was it because he had used it as a form of compulsion? He'd thought it would be easier for her. He thought he'd cushion the blow.

Not so.

Oh, God, would he be able to do it a second time? And do it right?

What if it hadn't worked for Charlotte either?

"Damon? Are you okay?"

He looked up in surprise. He'd almost forgotten she was there. _Almost_.

"Yeah...I think I will be."

"Look, I know we didn't get to talk things out and I know now's not the best of time what with... me and Jeremy and everything else going on, but I want you to know that, no matter what this sire bond means, whatever I feel for you has not changed. I know you're insecure about that, but I know it's real. It feels _real_. Tyler told me..."

_There we go again,_ he thought bitterly. _The same exchange as last night, only more painful._

He walked up to her and cupped her cheeks in his palms.

"Elena. I believe you, okay? You don't have to go all _Notebook_ on me. I know you...care about me in your annoying, affectionate, selfless way, but -"

"It's not enough," Elena finished for him, guessing his thoughts.

Damon sighed, wondering why fate liked to play such cruel games.

"It _should_ be enough."

"Then let me _make_ it enough. Let me prove it to you. Here," she said, throwing him the bag she had stashed in a corner.

"What's this?"

"Come with me to the Lake House."

"That's either your best or your worst idea yet," he replied, trying to stop his mind from venturing off into forbidden places; the two of them, alone, sitting in front of the fireplace, with very few articles of clothing on -

"I like to think it's got a little bit of both," she said, kissing him softly on the lips.

He let himself taste her for one moment, before she drew away.

"You're getting far too good at manipulating me."

Ironic, really.

"Don't worry. We won't be alone."

"Oh?"

"Jeremy will be there. And Bonnie. She's teaching Jer...how not to kill me."

The witch's name caused a small fuse to blow up in his head.

"Wait, what?"

"Yeah, they're already there. Bonnie called me earlier to let me know -"

"She's doing _what _exactly?"

"I told you, she's helping Jeremy control his urges-"

"So you left a magic-less witch in the hands of little _Damien _Gilbert?!"

Elena flinched at the sudden reproachful tone.

"He's not possessed, Damon, if that's what you're implying-"

"That's exactly what I'm implying! Have you forgotten what he did last time she was in the same room? Oh, that's right! He almost got her killed!"

"Would you calm down?! Don't you think I know that?" Elena retorted, slightly overwhelmed by his drastic change of mood. "He wasn't being himself! He would never hurt her! You know how he feels about her!"

"_Please_, your brother "feels" more for his game station than he does for her."

Elena frowned, disconcerted.

"Where is this coming from? Why are you suddenly so angry? Bonnie isn't a _child_. Besides, I didn't let her go alone. Professor Shane is with them too."

Damon could have punched a wall.

"Oh, _fantastic_. I feel so much better knowing Professor Shadypants is lurking around as well. Next you'll tell me Freddy Krueger is joining the party."

Elena stepped away from him, startled by the unexpected coldness.

"What's gotten into you?"

_Is it about Bonnie?_ she wanted to ask. But she couldn't risk it. It was a thing of the past, wasn't it?

Damon sighed and shook his head. "Sorry. Ignore me. I'm probably overreacting."

"You know you can tell me-"

"I just don't like the guy, all right? He's bad news in my book."

"Well, then, come with me and you can confront him once and for all."

* * *

Tyler was on edge. This plan had to work. It _had_ to work, no matter the costs. He was the pack leader, he was responsible for them, they were his children.

He might never amount to anything else. He might never do anything more important with his life. He was certainly nothing special in other areas.

But he _could_ be a great leader.

A leader of free hybrids. That had a nice ring to it.

He had never aimed for heroics, but would they be so out of reach for him?

Caroline had agreed to help him, reluctantly that is, but he was glad to have her on his side, even with great pains, because after all, she gave him strength and hope. Wasn't she the girl in all those fairy tales he had obsessed over as a kid? Wasn't she the mysterious girl who gave the traveller magical powers? She had to be. She followed him wherever he went.

Still, he feared the day would come when that girl would say no.

And that day might be close.

She had doubts. Many doubts. Doubts she shouldn't have. Inevitably, some of those doubts were about him, too; whether he was doing the right thing; whether taking Klaus down was what he needed to do.

He couldn't blame her. She couldn't understand the extent of it. She couldn't understand what being sired felt like. She couldn't see Klaus as a monster.

Sometimes, she looked at him as if _he_ was the monster. Because, just like in those gruesome fairy tales, killing the dragon meant you were stronger than him. Maybe, even _worse_.

And it made him realize that one day she would say no. She would say no and then _leave_.

That is why, proving himself, protecting his pack, getting rid of Klaus, all of these mattered even more; they took on an almost otherworldly importance.

He sighed and hit cancel for the umpteenth time. His mom was so busy these days, he barely ever got a word with her. They hadn't spoken in... what was it again? Two days?

Trying her phone was useless. He needed to see her in person. He couldn't go through with this without letting her know.

* * *

The car stopped a couple of miles away from the house.

Damon was drumming his fingers against the wheel impatiently, already preparing some choice words for the witch who'd decided to lock herself up in the same house with two potential lunatics.

"Jeremy," Elena said, nudging him.

And sure enough, the young Gilbert himself stood in front of them, panting, axe in one hand, a dangerous, volatile expression on his face as he surveyed their arrival in consternation.

Elena started to get cold feet. Was this a good idea after all? Coming all the way here only to disturb him and make his life harder?

No, Jeremy had to confront her.

_You don't want your brother to end up like you, do you? _she thought sardonically.

"You stay in here, I'll go talk to the hothead," Damon told her, but just as he was about to get out of the car, he saw Bonnie carefully approach Jeremy from the corner of his eye.

Her sudden presence in such close proximity threw him off, although he'd already known she would be there.

She came from behind and pressing one hand to his shoulder, smiled at Jeremy softly, patiently.

Damon frowned. Why was it that Jeremy Gilbert got off the hook so easily for hurting her whereas he never got in her good graces?

Not that he cared, but it was a matter of principle. And this principle was not fair. It wasn't fair that she always came back to him. Why couldn't she just shake off the idiot? Would he _always_ be her weakness?

How hard was it to let go of one person?

_Oh. Right. Gilberts just have that effect on people. _

Maybe it was just pity. Maybe Bonnie just felt sorry for him.

But then, her other hand landed on Jeremy's and touched the axe, making it go weak in his hands, almost as if she had cast a spell on him. She whispered something in his ear soothingly.

It was intimate and warm and it made his stomach hurl. Not that he minded much, but he wasn't a fan of such public displays of affection.

Damon felt a pain in his fingers. He had been gripping the steering wheel so hard, his knuckles had turned white. He unclenched his fists.

The little witch could just as well go back to her pathetic crush. He had more important things to do.

* * *

"Well, I'm sorry to crash this festive party, I hear it's going swell," Damon quipped, stepping inside the house, looking around for any sort of sharp weapons Jeremy might apply on him when he wasn't looking. He wasn't taking any risks after witnessing him going after his sister only moments after inviting her in.

Shane looked up and smiled good-humouredly.

"Glad to see our dynamics haven't changed."

"I hope they haven't. I see you're trying to form another trio without me."

"Oh?"

"I feel hurt. I thought you, me and Bonnie had a good thing going."

"Right...a good thing, which, among other things included you trying to kill me."

"Don't get caught up in the details. The important thing is that we had chemistry. Little Gilbert, on the other hand, is a pretty dull individual, _even_ as a psychotic vampire slayer."

"Are you trying to get a rise out of me or is this just your lovely personality 24/7?"

"Both."

Bonnie's head suddenly popped in the door and her eyes landed on Damon for the first time. She quickly averted her gaze when he caught her looking.

"I hope you two are playing nice. We've already got enough drama to go."

"Oh, don't worry, Bonnie, with you around I'm sure the sun will come up," Damon teased, smirking.

She rolled her eyes, but didn't bother to reply or look in his direction.

"I think Jeremy's ready. At least, I feel confident enough to let her stay in the same room with him," she told Shane.

"All right. Let's get to work."

Bonnie silently followed him into the living room. Damon wondered why she was acting so unlike herself. He shrugged. Maybe it was just an impression.

* * *

"You told him?" he asked in disbelief.

Caroline looked down guiltily.

"I've had twelve hybrids sworn to secrecy for a month. I have Hayley and a witch risking their lives and you're blabbing my plan to him?" Tyler asked again, trying to rouse some kind of reaction out of her. She was just standing there, silently confirming all his worst nightmares, not even bothering to deny it.

"Look, all I'm asking you for is a little bit of time, okay?" Stefan told him, stepping up to him in what was meant to be a conciliatory move.

Tyler's nostrils flared. No, there was no time left.

* * *

They accidentally collided in the hallway. Damon's hands landed on her shoulders, spreading warmth through her body.

"Gotta be more careful, Bonnie. Or has Jer got your head in the clouds?"

She instantly pushed him off, looking away.

In fact, she made it her one goal not to look him in the eye. Instead she stared at his forehead and told him Elena was out on the docks.

* * *

"Last time I was here, I was so completely in love with Stefan. Now, it's barely a memory. Is that the sire bond? Or just that I'm so happy to be here with you?"

Damon looked out towards the deep, blue waters and let the silence envelop them. Her hand glided from his cheek.

"Are you happy to be here with me too?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

"I'm...yeah. I'd be happier if you were _you_, though."

"I remember you telling me you'd never seen me more alive."

Damon smiled sadly, as if those words belonged to another time.

"Damon?"

"I want all of you, Elena. Not just the girl who says Stefan is now a distant memory."

With that, he got up and left her to mull over his words.

* * *

As he made his way back to the house, he came face to face with Bonnie again. She was standing on the porch, talking on the phone in hushed tones. When she spotted him from afar, she quickly shut the phone and made to step inside the house.

"Ah-ah-ah! Not so fast little witch! What's gotten you so jumpy all of a sudden?"

Bonnie frowned. "Nothing. I have to get back inside."

She was about to go in again, but he stepped in front of her, blocking her way.

"You know, you haven't said a word to me all day."

"I'm kind of busy at the moment, if you haven't noticed. I don't have time to exchange insults with you right now."

"Oh, I think it's definitely time to share some unapologetic truths; case in point, you've been ignoring me and acting like a complete weirdo all day."

"A. Not ignoring you and B. You're the one making weird assumptions."

"A. Yes you are and B. They're totally legit."

Bonnie sighed, wishing he'd be less stubborn.

"You know, not everything is about you, Damon. I'm actually trying to help Jeremy, which yes, means that I can't pay attention to you _all_ the time, I'm sure you'll survive-"

"Oh, don't give me that. This isn't just about _Jerbear_. Not everything is about _him_. You've been sketchy all day. What gives?"

"Can we not discuss this right now?"

"Matter of fact, why _did_ you run to Jeremy's aid so fast?" he continued, ignoring her obvious reluctance.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I'm sure you know by now there's little you can do to help him. So why the Mother Teresa act?"

"Excuse me?!"

"Two days ago we were in the middle of a pretty decent naked session and now you're...blushing at every word little Gilbert has to say?"

"Oh, of course, cuz being his ex instantly puts me in some kind of openly romantic position. Have you ever thought that maybe I'm just trying to be there for a friend?"

Damon smirked. "Nope."

Bonnie raised an eyebrow.

"All right. Then have you ever thought you're being jealous?"

"Jealous?" he echoed, caught off-guard. "Of that _kid_?"

"The one and the same."

"Why would I be jealous of your eighth grade boyfriend? That would imply that I want to partake in the same silly high school shenanigans you two seem to enjoy so much and well, you know better than I, that I prefer our purely_ physical _thing."

Bonnie made a disgusted face.

"You're a moron."

"Hey your words, not mine."

"That's not what I meant."

"Then pray tell me, what _do_ you mean, Bonnie? Because you've been giving me the cold shoulder all day and I don't remember breaking our let's-just-have-sex pact."

"There was never a - God! Could you just stop being an asshole for five minutes?"

"Then just tell me what's going on with you!"

"I can't! There's nothing wrong, I just - I need to focus on Jeremy right now, okay?"

Damon smiled coldly.

"Fine," he replied, all traces of anger gone. "Let's focus on Jeremy, then, shall we?"

He grabbed Bonnie's arm and half-dragged, half-walked with her inside the house.

"Say," he began out loud, drawing the attention of both Shane and Jeremy. "Wouldn't it be much easier to, I don't know, _not_ dangle a vampire in front of the baby hunter like it's a juicy cheeseburger?"

"Let me go, Damon, or I swear -" Bonnie muttered under her breath.

Shane raised an eyebrow.

"You've got any other suggestions?"

Damon smirked. "Why not dangle the dessert?"

Bonnie managed to extricate herself from his grip, glaring daggers at him.

"Huh. You mean have Bonnie be the emotional detour. That _could_ actually work," Shane agreed.

Bonnie scowled. "I hate you."

Damon's smirk widened. "I know."

* * *

"That was some good thinking you did back there with Jeremy. For someone who constantly mocks me and my methods, you're very...intuitive."

Damon's smile did not reach his eyes.

"Compliments don't bribe me. You might've convinced Elena that you can lead us to the cure, but I'm not giving you the benefit of the doubt until you give me a location."

"Ah, but how little would my life value then to you, hmm?" Shane asked, chuckling.

"It's already at such a depressing low, _Professor_."

Shane smiled, leaning against the doorway, looking at Elena, Bonnie and Jeremy unpacking Christmas decorations in the other room.

"How about I raise the bar a little?"

"You can try."

"A little birdie told me about your little sire problem."

Damon was in his face in less than a second. "And who might that little birdie be?"

Shane's eyes travelled across the room towards Bonnie's figure.

Damon grimaced. "Ah. _That_ little bird."

"Don't worry, though, she didn't say much, I mostly inferred from the subtext."

"All right. You've got ten seconds to infer from this subtext," Damon replied, clutching his neck in a vise-grip.

"I know you tried - and failed - to unsire Elena. I - can help - you," Shane muttered, struggling with Damon's hold.

The vampire let him go instantly.

"Bar raised."

* * *

_Hey, mom. You're not answering your phone, so I guess I'll have to do it this way. Look, uh, I don't have time to tell you everything, but just know I'm doing my best and I'm gonna be fine... I won't be around for a while, but I'll let you know as soon as I can - I, I really wish we could talk face to face but I can't find you anywhere and I don't have much time left. I'm gonna take Klaus down. I can do it, okay? Have faith in me. I love you. Just, just call me back._

* * *

"I won't bore you with history lessons, but you probably know by now that sire bonds between vampires are very rare and only happen under certain circumstances."

"I hope that isn't all you've got, because I wasted a perfectly good opportunity to kill -"

"Patience, Damon. All will become clear."

"I'm waiting."

"Right, so, what does a sire bond really represent? Have you ever thought of that? Its meaning has been corrupted over centuries, but in the beginning, this sire bond was a more barbaric way of establishing dominance over a mate."

"A mate?"

"That's right. When a vampire wanted to hunt with another vampire exclusively, one of them would have to dominate the other in order for them to better survive. Ergo, a sire bond would be formed, either through the creation of the partner or the death of a former sired vampire. It's a bit tricky because this means there must have been an Original sire bond, but no one knows how that came to be. All we know is that, in time, that sire bond became what it is today."

Damon surveyed him critically.

"For someone interested in witches and a cure for immortality, you sure know a lot about the exact opposite."

"What can I say? I'm a Renaissance man."

"That's all fascinating stuff, but no word yet on how to _break_ a sire bond."

"Well, that's the trickiest part. You probably simply told Elena not to feel this way about you anymore. You tried to set her free, right? Think about it logically, though. You ordered her not to listen to your orders anymore. That's a paradox loop. She's still sired to you, because it needs to come from _her_. While it's true that you are the one who has to initiate the break, it is _she_ who must unsire herself."

There was a heavy pause, during which Damon went over what had been said.

"...how would that even be possible if she refuses to see the sire bond as something real?" he asked at length.

"Ah, good question. I'm afraid I'll have to go back to the history lesson. Back in the old day, when a vampire wanted to break the sire bond with another vampire, he usually did it for a practical reason. That practical reason being that they found a more suitable mate."

"So what you're saying is that I need to find _another_ vampire to sire?" Damon asked, rolling his eyes.

"You're missing the point, Damon. And looking too much into the past. Let me make it simpler for you; Elena needs to believe you really mean to break this sire bond because you're interested in someone else, or, to call it by its old name, a potential mate. But you have to mean it. Half of the reason you failed is because deep down you want her to love you."

"And what would you know about her feelings or mine?"

"Well, I'm intuitive too," he smiled.

"Why should I even believe that what you're saying is true?"

"_Don't_ then. No one's forcing you. But it's worth a try, isn't it? And you don't have a better solution, do you?"

"You're still not fooling me. I know you have your own agenda."

"Maybe I do, maybe I don't, but what would I really gain from dispensing this information? Nothing that could harm you. Just think about it. There must be someone whom you're interested in, someone who could help you break Elena's sire bond."

As if on cue, Bonnie Bennett walked into the room carrying two heavy boxes filled with trinkets. "One of you better help me with these."

* * *

"Hayley? Is it done yet? My patience is wearing thin."

"Almost. Tyler's girlfriend almost blew it, but I made sure she wouldn't get in the way. Klaus is probably ripping their hearts out as we speak. You'll soon have your twelve _corpses_."

"I hope that's not an accusation I hear in your voice. I'll have you remember we're in this together. And you were just as willing as I was."

"Right. But so far there have been no gains. Only losses. _Many_ losses."

"Au contraire. You've not allowed yourself to see them. I myself secured two birds with one stone tonight."

"You're not talking about that witch again, are you?"

"Don't worry, soon it'll be the witch and the vampire."

* * *

Damon sighed as he surveyed the starry night laying before him like an age-old tapestry, hung over an empty sky.

Never had this scenery felt more bleak and hopeless.

New and old complications coming together. It wasn't that he was feeling desperate. No, that was the problem, he was actually feeling hopeful.

But that was not right either, was it?

He'd been trying to avoid this pressing issue all day. And here he was back again. This is what he needed to do.

Elena and Bonnie. Bonnie and Elena. One needed the other to be free.

What a fucking mess.

The door to the terrace was suddenly drawn. Bonnie stepped out in the cold, shivering slightly.

Upon seeing him she almost wanted to turn back, but decided against it in the end.

"I...thought I should give them some privacy," she explained, pointing at Elena and Jeremy who were laughing and looking over family photos.

"So, not avoiding me anymore?"

"No. I should probably yell at you, but I'm too tired."

Damon smirked. "I do have that effect on people."

Bonnie rolled her eyes. "Shut up. You don't get to piss me off tonight."

She leant across the railing and stared at the night sky.

"It really is a sight."

"I don't know, I've seen better." He winked at her suggestively.

"Glad to see your mind's still in the gutter."

"So, ready to tell me what's been bugging you all this time?" Damon asked, nudging her in the shoulder.

"I thought I'd made it clear it was _you_."

"You know what I'm talking about. And you need to tell me."

Bonnie turned towards him. It was the first time he was addressing her seriously.

"I don't know why you're asking me something you already know."

Damon frowned. "I'll need you to be more particular, but I'm guessing it has to do with Elena."

Bonnie made a face. "When does it _not_?"

"She does manage to make herself the topic of conversation."

Bonnie snorted. "To put it lightly. But I'm not blaming her. She's the victim in all of this, after all."

"Then...you're blaming me?"

She sighed, turning away.

"I thought you'd do it. I really thought you would. Guess I'm a bigger moron than you are."

"Wait, are you..."

"She's still sired, Damon. _Obviously_. I'm sure you managed to fool Stefan, but it doesn't work on everyone."

"Is _that_ why you're so upset? You thought I'd taken advantage of Elena and kept her sired to me?" he asked, trying to squash the disappointment in his voice. She really did think the worst of him.

"I just assumed that -"

"You just assumed that I would enjoy abusing the girl I love, is that it?"

Bonnie shrank inwardly at his words. _The girl I love_. Somehow, it hurt to hear that.

"So you..."

"Tried to break the sire bond? What do you think? I'm not a fan of tough love, _Bonnie_."

Bonnie felt awful, to say the least.

"I didn't know..."

"Right, so straight to judging then. How very _you_."

"Look, I know you'd never be capable of something so low, although you're not exactly shy about other things. I just thought you'd find it hard to resist the chance to have Elena completely in love with you."

Damon swallowed thickly. The problem was, Bonnie wasn't entirely wrong. He _had_ been tempted. Very tempted. And he had found it hard to resist. The only thing that had carried him through had been the need to feel that his love and her love were real. For centuries on end he had been chasing the same thing.

And when it hadn't worked, when he had found out she was still sired, a small part of him had rejoiced. And he hated that part, because that part told him it was useless to chase after this ghostly notion of real love.

"Well, I guess I've got more self-control than I thought, because I tried to break it. And it didn't work."

Bonnie's face fell. "You don't mean - Oh God."

"Yep. So any time you're ready with that apology..."

"The sire bond can't be broken, then? You're stuck together?" she asked, panic-stricken.

Damon ran a hand through his hair.

"Not exactly. There might be a way... out of this. But I might need your help to do it."

"My help?" Bonnie echoed in astonishment. "Why would you need my help?"

Damon smiled to himself. "I suppose it needs a witch's touch."

"What are you-"

Just then, Damon's phone started ringing.

"Ah. Saved by the bell. Why, good evening to you too, dear brother. Okay, slow down, I don't understand... What are you..."

Bonnie watched in amazement as his face mirrored each reaction in turn; from amusement to annoyance, to confusion, to fear and finally, horror.

* * *

Klaus had one final destination in mind; the grand finale to an evening of bloody massacre.

It would be a sort of anticlimax, in a way. Killing an innocent woman was hardly anything too thrilling.

But anticlimaxes were his favorites, because they punched in a good dose of emotional turmoil.

And emotional turmoil was what he wanted to sow, after all.

He was left without his hybrids and Tyler would be left without a mother.

How fitting.

Except, well, his thirst for death would have to be quenched another time.

Someone had beaten him to it, unfortunately.

Carol Lockwood was not his for the killing. Not anymore.

He found her in the wine cellar, under a stack of crates, a dried up corpse in a small puddle of blood. Several bites on her neck and arms. More than one attempt to drain her, apparently. That was the sign of a beginner, wasn't it?

A sinister smile crawled across his face.

This called for an out-and-out climax.

"Stefan? Yes, I just thought you'd like to know I've found Elena's mystery victim. And she's _quite_ a treat."

* * *

"Listen to me, there could have been tens of other vampires - no, Stefan, I don't care if you saw the body, it can't be Elena-"

"She's the likeliest candidate. Face it, Damon," Stefan told him in a dead voice. "Elena drained Carol Lockwood."

"There's nothing to face, Stefan, because it's not -" but Damon's words never made it to the other end of the line, because Elena was now standing right in front of him.

Shaking violently, she steadied herself against the doorway.

"I guess...listening in on people's conversations is a perk of being...what I am," she told him, smiling brokenly as she felt hot tears run down her cheeks.

"Elena," Bonnie intervened quickly, "it wasn't you, it couldn't have been you, you would never do such a thing, vampire or not. I mean it's Tyler's _mom_. Klaus is probably trying to mess with us, he probably did it himself-"

But it felt as if she was trying to convince herself that it wasn't true.

"Get away from me!" Elena shouted when she saw that the witch was trying to take hold of her hand.

"You too!" she added, glaring at Damon. "The both of you, leave me alone!"

She looked at them as if they were at fault, as if they were her enemies, conspiring against her behind her back, even if deep down she knew it wasn't true.

"Elena, please -"

"No! Stop it! Stop trying to tell me otherwise! I know I did it. I...I remember. I remember now."

* * *

_Night time. Cold. About to rain, but still dry. Empty road. Cars passing by. Bench. Sitting. Teeth clattering. Lost. Thinking. Daze._

_Damon away. She alone. In love with Damon, maybe._

_Stefan - blurry images of their younger selves._

_Then, a warm hand had extended from a car's window._

_"Elena? What are you doing alone out here in this weather? Has something happened?"_

_The woman had smiled so invitingly that she had gotten in without thinking too much about it. The mother figure took many forms and she accepted them all, because she needed a mother, she needed her mother.  
_

_She hadn't even recognized Carol at the time. Never would until the end._

_"Please, not home. Not right now," she had pleaded._

_The woman had obliged. Her place then. She admitted she felt lonely. Tyler was always away. She would have liked to have a daughter like her._

_They spent an evening together in the kitchen, drinking hot chocolate, which Elena mostly spat back in her mug.  
_

_Carol had confessed she had at one point thought Tyler and her would have made a good couple._

_Those were the days._

_Then it had all happened so very fast._

_A blur, really. Just like the rest of that evening. Elena had offered to do some washing up, smiling in her sweet way, but exhaustion had made her slip._

_One broken salad bowl later, they were both kneeling on the floor, picking up bits and pieces._

_Carol didn't even get a cut. Not even a shallow one. She didn't need to.  
_

_The mere possibility was enough. The temptation, the idea that she was inches away from a shard, moments away from having her skin burst open and the red, hot liquid would gush out on her tongue -_

_She had bit into her arm, gently at first, and Carol had shouted so loud that Elena had, in fear and panic, shoved her against the counter and knocked her out._

_Then two bites in the neck, one next to the left ear, second next to her collarbone. Then a long one from the jugular, because she had missed it the first time._

_Then - a tunnel, a swirling mass of pleasure and new sensations. She had been overwhelmed by this absolute tranquility. This absolute completion.  
_

_Her head was swimming in blood. She couldn't see or hear or do anything else, but sit and enjoy and breathe it all in. The slow and steady depletion of life.  
_

_Somewhere in between, her more rational, practical side had dragged her down a flight of steps and dumped her lifeless body in the cellar, the body that she no longer associated with Carol Lockwood.  
_

_After that, she had stopped functioning properly because a newborn vampire who had fed so arduously needed her rest.  
_

_She felt she would never crave blood again.  
_

_She felt free.  
_

_And she had walked and walked and walked until she had fallen over among the leaves. And that is where she had fallen asleep._

* * *

"We need to find her, Damon!" Bonnie kept shouting, growing more and more desperate.

"Don't you think I know that? But someone has to stay here with Jeremy so he doesn't get the idea to chase his sister down!"

"I'll do it. Just go, go and make sure she's safe!"

* * *

Elena had run away into the night, into the forest, once again.

She didn't look back, couldn't look back.

This was it, this was the last step they'd all warned her about.

She had been ready to die on the bridge with her parents. She had been ready to die twice, that night in the car with Matt. She had been ready to die a third time, standing on the bridge in the sunlight.

The bridge that followed her and never let her die.

But she didn't want to die. No, of course not.

But what were the alternatives?

Even Stefan, even he had told her _this_ would happen.

She would spiral out of control. They all did.

Someone like her, someone as self-sacrificing, kind and loving, someone who always tried to do good, when pushed beyond the last frontier would prove to be more terrifying than the most horrid of criminals.

Because she could only exist in extremes. Either the martyr, or the executioner. There was no in between.

And once that final step was taken, what or _who_ was left, martyr or executioner?

Either you chose to remain human and live through it all, live through the guilt, the pain, the hatred or you switched it off, you switched off your humanity.

And you could finally breathe. Breathe because there _was_ something in between after all.

There was _this_.

Elena ran without looking back. She ran until she finally found what she was looking for.

A gas station. The first one on the road. A haven.

She slipped through the glass doors and squinted at the bright neon lights.

"Excuse me, Miss, may I help you?"

_Switch._


	11. Chapter 11

_Hello, my lovelies! Back from winter break:)_

_Hope everyone's had a good one. I've still got the Christmas Blues._

_But I missed all of you and I missed writing for this fic. Thank God for the new TVD episode. Not because it was particularly good, but because it gave me reason to write :)_

_This one's obviously for **After School Special**. Another chapter with spectacular changes and many, many twists you'll have to read carefully to spot out._

_It's another monster of a chapter, in length I mean. I don't know how well I've fared, but I think I tied up most plot points. I'm a bit nervous about your feedback, because, like Chapter 8, this one's a bit...on the controversial side, to put it lightly._

_Hope it's still your cup of tea:)_

_Now that I'm done with that, I can tell you that my best Christmas present this year was reading your lovely reviews and smiling like an idiot all the way through. I'm really humbled by your support and passion for this story and I hope I never let you down. It's so rare to find people so engaged and dedicated to a set of characters. Most people in real life tell me I put too much value on fiction, but there can be no other way for me. I'm happy I've found similar people:)_

_As usual, it's time to thank the anonymous reviewers: **Mehr03**: as usual, thank you:), **Casper**: yeey, the switch was scary, I had intended that :) I'm glad the plot twist is so popular cuz it's followed up in this chapter and it's going to get messy:) glad you like my sire bond explanation too, I just see it more reasonable this way, **Adm**: I see my sire bond version is appreciated, thank you:) and yes this is def a slow build between Bamon, cuz even if they already slept together they have a lot of emotional ground to cover, **Alinda**: thank you:) **Vie**: thanks for a double review and all the support, it gets me through the episodes:) so glad you're enjoying all the twists and turns. Afraid this chapter won't delve right back into the sire bond. That will come a bit later, but when it does, it will be intense:), **Alexis**: haha, thank you:), **Guest(1)**: thank you, updated now:), **Guest(2)**: Professor Shane has a complicated agenda, is what I can tell you so far. You'll have to read and find out :)_

_I hope that's everyone. If I've made any omissions, feel free to send me messages:)_

_Anyways, eager to hear your thoughts on the new chapter!_

_P.S.1: Yes, this chapter features Elena bit more than usual and I know she's not a favorite among us, but she's there for a reason and you'll see the importance of it in the greater scheme. Also, I quite like this arc I've written for her. Hope you do too *fingers crossed*_

_P.S.2: After reading the chapter, most of you will be wondering if Shane is bipolar. Is he trying to put the vampire and witch together (via sire bond theory) or is he against it? I wish I could tell you now why he seems so contradictory about it. But if I did, yeah, I'd spoil quite a lot. Pay attention to the way he talks about Damon to Bonnie. There's a double-edged sword there. Safe to say, he needs the triangle to happen (as in Damon, Bonnie and Elena)._

_P.S.3: Anyone notice the "trust" parallels?  
_

* * *

Shauna and Ray Dempson were driving back home after a long weekend at Dunham Lake Resort without the kids, and safe to say, they were not very eager to return to their day-to-day routine. In fact, they were thinking of heading back for a full week.

"Can you imagine the look on Hannah and Martin's faces when we call and tell them they have to cook their own dinner and wash their own jeans?"

"Oh, man, classic! First, they'll act like they don't care, but give them half a minute and they'll be in tears!"

They both laughed raucously at the idea and might have continued laughing for the rest of the journey, had Ray not suddenly slammed the brakes in the middle of the forest.

It's true that he had thrown back a couple of beers and Shauna was tipsy from the complimentary cocktails, but neither could be blamed for not seeing the young woman who had simply materialized in the middle of the road.

They had been a hair's breadth away from hitting her, but Ray had managed to swerve on time.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?!" Ray hollered at her, getting out of the car shakily. Shauna was panting by the side of the road.

The young woman looked them up and down with something between agony and disdain.

Her eyelashes were still wet from previous bouts of crying.

Shauna instantly softened when she saw how lost and desolate she looked.

"Ray! Give her a break! She's completely shaken!"

"She almost got us killed!" Ray retorted angrily. "What were you doing in the middle of the road?"

Elena wiped her eyelashes and pulled back a few strands of hair.

"I'm sorry. I just needed a drink."

"Well couldn't you have waved from the side of the road like a normal person?!"

"No. You wouldn't have stopped."

"And what makes you think I'll give you a lift now, after scaring the living shit out of us?"

"Ray!" Shauna beckoned him.

Elena shook her head, smiling sadly.

"I told you, I don't need a lift. I need a _drink_."

With that, she yanked his head and sank her teeth into his jugular with relish.

Her entire body relaxed as she felt the waves of blood tip the roof of her mouth. It was so satisfying to finally drink, damned be the consequences.

Shauna started screaming in terror as she stumbled away from the car.

Elena saw her from the corner of her eye and growled. She had miscalculated _her_. Next time, she would have to find someone wifeless, preferably.

Or...

Ray's body dropped limp to the ground and Shauna felt a small pang of remorse at abandoning him so quickly, but her regret was short-lived.

The young woman was in front of her before she could blink.

"Get away from me you little _whore_!" Shauna yelled, running back, terrified.

"Who the hell are you?!" she spat angrily, trying to gather up courage. She was not going to die there. She had kids to return to.

Elena frowned, taken aback by the woman's temper.

She took a step towards her.

"I'm Elena Gilbert."

It was quick and clean. Her neck snapped like a twig.

"And now she's dead. Like you."

* * *

"Carol Lockwood always said that togetherness, in times of tragedy, leads to healing," the Sheriff spoke, barely holding in her tears.

She was standing in front of dozens of students, mourning the death of their beloved mayor Lockwood.

The "gym memorial" had been her idea.

"That one community is stronger than a thousand of its members," she continued, welling up.

The students passed on candles for the wake. Everyone there was regretting the loss one way or another, but no one felt it more painfully than Tyler Lockwood himself, who was sitting next to Caroline, looking completely devastated.

"But how does a community stay strong after losing its leader?" the Sheriff asked, looking back at Carol's portrait.

The doors to the gym flew open quite unexpectedly.

"That community finds a new leader," a soft but cutting voice finished for her.

"Oh...Elena, I didn't see you there. Why don't you come inside?" the Sheriff beckoned her.

Bonnie Bennet, who was currently in the audience, instantly stiffened. Caroline noticed her strong reaction.

"Hey. You okay?"

"Yeah, it's nothing," Bonnie replied, keeping her eyes glued to the girl in front of her.

She was the only one there who knew about Carol Lockwood's real murderer and that knowledge, coupled with the fact that Elena was now here, standing in front of them, showing no signs of a recent breakdown, made her fears grow and multiply.

What was she up to? What was she doing here?

Damon and Stefan had been looking for her everywhere.

No one imagined she would come here, of all places.

"Sorry I'm late. I just wanted to write down some words about Carol. May I?" Elena asked as she walked towards the stand.

Sheriff Forbes seemed mildly surprised at the request, coming on the spur of the moment like that, but she couldn't deny her the right to grieve. She knew Carol had always been fond of Elena and vice versa.

"Uh, sure thing, Elena. But make it quick, all right? Others need to speak too," Liz told her, stepping aside.

Elena took out a small sheet of paper from the pocket of her jeans.

She looked up at the crowd and spotted Tyler.

"Many of us here today know that Carol Lockwood was more than just a mayor; she was an _open-minded_ friend. A friend who was always there if you needed a hand. No matter who you were. She was always ready to give something up, if it meant making someone else...happy."

Alarm bells started ringing in Bonnie's head.

Was she going to confess to what she did in front of all these people? Was she going to reveal what she was?

No, she couldn't be that self-destructive, could she?

"In fact, she helped me out a couple of times in the past and I never got to thank her properly," Elena continued, glancing at the portrait with a trace of a smile.

Bonnie frowned. There was something off about her, something that hadn't been there before. It wasn't just the guilt. The tone of her voice. It was almost...cajoling.

"So Carol, if you can hear me now, wherever you are, thank you for everything," Elena said, looking up. There was a mischievous glint in her eye.

"I'm sure your _sacrifice_ for this town will not have been in vain."

That seemed to cause the reaction she had desired.

Tyler Lockwood jumped up from his seat, stricken with grief, and walked out of the room without looking back.

"Okay, that's - I think that will do Elena, thank you," Liz interrupted her, a concerned look on her face.

"Are you okay?" the Sheriff whispered in her ear as the girl brushed past her, but Elena continued walking, following Tyler out of the gym.

* * *

"Damon? She's here - I don't know why, but she came to school. And she's a mess. I think she wants to have a confrontation with Ty-"

"Wow, wow, wow. Slow down, Bonnie. You're telling me the girl we've been chasing for three days is now in the same building with you?!"

"Seems like it. And she's way out of it. I don't even know what to do."

"Okay, calm down, we'll figure this out. Is Barbie vamp with you?"

"Yeah, she already left to look for her. But she doesn't know, Damon. She doesn't know about Carol and I _want_ to go after her too but my dad's here -"

"Wait, your _dad_?! What do you mean your dad? Isn't he a traveling salesman or something?"

"Yeah. But he came back. Apparently, he's the interim mayor."

"You're kidding me."

"I wish."

"_Your_ dad is the new mayor. He does know he's setting himself for a painful death, doesn't he?"

"Gee, I hadn't thought of that. Thanks for bringing it up."

"Well, guess we'll have to postpone our naked session for another weekend."

"Could you be serious for a moment? This is not good news."

"I was being completely serious, actually. Well, the fact that I'm stuck here with Tweedledee does make it a bit ...difficult, but I'm sure I can trick Tweedledum into covering for me."

"If you're referring to Jeremy and Matt -"

"Hey, it's not my fault you instantly thought of them."

"Damon, please. I'm not up for this right now."

"What? It's been rough for me too, you know, waiting here for things to _happen_. I don't like not doing anything. And this Lake House is driving me nuts."

"I don't know, you sound like your usual _chipper_ self to me..."

"But now I can come back."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, Elena, obviously. She's...still sired to me so I'm the only one who can make some sense in her head. And I need to take care of her. She's gonna spiral down and it won't be pretty."

"Are you sure it's the right thing to do? Leaving Jeremy to train all by himself? I mean Klaus did say -"

"Since _when_ do we listen to anything Klaus has to say?"

"Since he practically blackmailed us?"

"I wouldn't call it -"

"Oh, no, he only threatened to out Carol Lockwood's real murderer unless you trained Jeremy to kill vampires. No, I guess that's just a polite request."

"You know, sarcasm is not your best feature."

"Like it or not, Damon, we owe him for taking the blame. And what would you prefer, to have Elena convicted or let Jeremy become a murderous psychopath?... Actually, don't answer that, I know what you'd choose."

"Okay, yeah, I'm not a fan of the _Jerbear_, I think I've made that obvious. I'll always care more about Elena's welfare than his, but it's not like I'm leaving the kid stranded. Matt's here too and... he's better at controlling his thirst now. He won't go off the rails. Not on my watch, all right?"

"If you leave right now, you know that's gonna happen."

"No, I don't. Because believe it or not, me being here doesn't make that much of a difference. It's you he's carrying a small, pathetic little torch for. Not me."

"Look, Damon, you're the only thing standing between Klaus and his plan of using Jeremy as a living map. You're the only one who can help him keep his humanity."

"...you're asking _me_ of all people to help someone remain _human_?"

"...yes."

"Why?"

"Because you seem to know a thing or two about that."

"..."

"Can't you appreciate I'm trusting you with someone I -"

"...go on. Someone you what?"

"Someone I care about."

"I'm sure you _care_ about every miserable person in this town. Should I also babysit them too?"

"Come on, don't be like this. We're in the same predicament. Stuck with the Gilberts, remember? We're both trying to get them on the right track."

"I see. So when I say I'll always choose Elena, it also means you'll always choose Jeremy."

"That's not - Wait, why are _you_ suddenly upset?"

"In fact, right now, you're choosing Jeremy over Elena."

"What are you talking about? I'm doing this for Elena too. Keeping you there will ensure Klaus' silence."

"Oh, come on. You really think anyone will believe Saint Elena, Mystic Falls sweetheart, drained the mayor? No, you'd rather Jeremy was safe and sound than let me help his sister."

"How _dare_ you insinuate -"

"I'm only stating the facts. Unless...you're okay with me leaving Jeremy fend for himself."

"..."

"Thought so."

"I'd appreciate it if you stopped putting words into my mouth, Damon. You know very well I'm not choosing one over the other. If anything, I'm choosing to help the _both_ of them."

"No, what you're doing is deluding yourself into thinking you're _not_ as selfish as I am."

"You know what?! I give up! I'm trying to tell you I trust you, but you choose to take issue with Jeremy instead. That's fine! Don't listen to me. Listen to yourself. You'll know deep down what you have to do."

* * *

The phone clicked shut. Damon stared at it for a long while, tempted between calling her back and never calling her again.

That was the thing with Bonnie; sometimes you wanted to be around her, other times you wanted to strangle her.

Admittedly, he shouldn't have gotten angry and he shouldn't have taunted her. He knew Jeremy was a touchy subject.

But he hadn't been able to help himself.

He didn't really understand how it had escalated so quickly. It had started with Elena and had ended up with her brother.

By now he knew he was at least a bit bothered by her blind attachment to this whiny kid, but Jeremy had never felt more like a thorn in his backside than in these past few days. Living with him 24/7 was definitely testing his patience. And now that he knew the witch's feeling were not so unrequited, after all (Jeremy kept asking him when Bonnie would return), he couldn't help but revert to his cruel insults.

It's not like he thought a witch and a vampire would ever work out or that their superficial attraction could lead to something more, but it still felt like a slap in the face that, after sleeping with him, she still kept pining for that little jerk.

Not to mention that every time he teased her about their late night encounter and morning aftermath she always felt uncomfortable or changed the subject.

Which was fine with him, but _she_ wasn't supposed to give _him_ the cold shoulder, if that was the case.

He still needed her to un-sire Elena.

And she wasn't allowed to dismiss him so quickly. She wasn't allowed to tag him in the "friend" category without a look back.

Because he knew very well what "I trust you" really meant and he didn't believe it. Not one bit.

"Are you coming? To watch Jeremy?" Matt asked him as he ran towards the lake.

Damon sighed.

_You'll know deep down what you have to do._

* * *

"Tyler?" Elena called, walking down the corridors. "Tyler, are you still here?"

Silence.

"This might be your only chance. Come out before I'm gone."

No one, not even a stir.

"I know you want revenge. We have unfinished business, after all."

"I couldn't agree more, Elena," a voice spoke behind her.

She hadn't seen Rebekah coming.

* * *

When she woke up she was leaning against a row of books in the library and April Young, of all people, was staring down at her with tear-stained eyes.

"Elena? Are - are you okay?"

"April? What are you doing here?"

"I'm sorry, I know it's not okay, but you've been hiding things from me and Rebekah is helping me find out the truth."

"You want to find out the truth from Rebekah? Not a good place to start," Elena said softly, trying to raise herself.

"I already know you're a vampire," she blurted out nervously.

Elena eyed her carefully.

"Oh. _That_. I suppose it had to come out. I wish you could've found out...under better circumstances."

She raised a hand towards April.

"Help me out?"

The girl quickly pulled her up, but Elena was waiting for this opportunity and she pinned the girl's arms behind her back, holding her own around her neck.

"Guess you don't know that much about vampires," Elena told a struggling April.

She forced the girl to walk out of the library.

"I know you're watching, Rebekah. Unless you want your little friend to join her dad, you'd better show yourself."

The blonde vampire didn't make her wait.

She stared at Elena with a half-raised eyebrow.

"Are you honestly expecting me to believe Elena Gilbert will hurt the poor, helpless orphan?" she scoffed.

Elena tightened her grip on the girl.

"Oh, don't make me laugh, darling," Rebekah purred.

Elena narrowed her eyes. She suddenly slammed April into the nearest wall and held her up by the neck until she turned blue.

Rebekah's smile vanished gradually.

"Katherine?" she asked in disbelief.

But there was no humor, no warmth, no playfulness in those eyes. Oh, there was mischief, there was bitterness, but nothing like the careless ease with which Katarina would usually play this game.

"Guess again."

Rebekah smirked. "So it is _you_, after all, Elena. My, my, it seems _someone_'s switched off their humanity. I've lived to see this too. I'm sure I'll like you even better now."

"Leave me alone and April walks out of here unscathed."

"Why do you want to be left alone so much, Elena? Is it the anger? Is it pointless remorse? Is it the guilt wracking you? Whatever you did had to be bad if you...turned it off."

But Elena's face remained impassive, despite the slight crease in her forehead.

"Don't beat yourself up. We all do it from time to time. I try it every fifty years or so. We all like to think it actually _works_."

"What do you want with me? It can't be just revenge."

"Ah, already brighter than your old self," Rebekah remarked. "You're right Elena. It's not just you. I want to take revenge on _many_ more, your boyfriend included. But you know, your little makeover does change my plans quite a bit."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning I've found a better way to hurt Stefan Salvatore."

Elena slackened her grip on April.

"I'm not going to help you, whatever you have in mind."

"Oh, yes, your bone is with Tyler, isn't it? Is that why you were calling him out? To take _revenge_?"

And suddenly, the pieces finally clicked in her head and she grinned maliciously.

"Oh, dear! Was that _you_? I would've actually pegged it on my brother, but I guess life is full of surprises."

"Stay out of this, Rebekah. This is between me and Tyler."

"Pathetic. Even with your humanity off, you still seek punishment. How utterly disappointing."

But then a new idea entered her head and her entire face lit up.

"You know what? Maybe we can help each other, Elena. How about that? I can give you Tyler and you can help me break a few hearts."

"And how exactly do you plan on doing that?"

"Simple. Caroline's scouring the corridors looking for you, I'm sure. Let's give Tyler a reason to come save her."

Elena seemed to weigh the proposal in her head.

"And what do you get out of it?"

"Oooh, clever you, once again! Well, let's add Stefan to the mix and see. Do as I tell you and Tyler's all yours."

* * *

"Damon got under your skin again, didn't he?" Shane asked, watching her walk up and down the room.

"No. It's just - he's acting out, as usual. Now he's talking about leaving Jeremy when he knows how dangerous that would be. Sometimes I think he just puts up a fight to make me lose my patience. Hell, he probably enjoys every minute of it."

"Maybe, but I'm sure he doesn't bother to "put up a fight" for many people. Damon's auto-response to feelings is rejection and sarcasm. You can't blame him."

Bonnie scoffed. "What are you implying?"

"I'm sorry. I thought it was pretty obvious. He does...like you, you know."

Bonnie stared at him as if he'd slapped her.

"It's not like that! We're not like that, we just - sometimes we're friends, I guess, but then, we're back to never agreeing on anything -"

"Sure, that's what they all say."

"But in my case it's true -"

"Look, I don't know what happened between you and I don't wanna stick my nose into other people's business, but there is _something_ going on. And I'm only asking because I'm concerned about your magic."

"My magic?"

"You know what we've been talking about. The special kind of magic I've been showing you?"

"The Expression?"

"Yes. The very same. The magic that does not depend on a connection with the spirits."

"What about it?"

"You know it's a very volatile but very personal type of magic. And you know it's heightened by certain external ...stimuli."

Bonnie made a face. "You can't possibly mean -"

"A vampire is a pretty stimulating creature, don't you think?"

"That's ridiculous -"

"Answer me this, Bonnie. Has Damon ever fed you his blood?"

She was about to say no, but then she realized - Miss Mystic Falls. Of course. He had force-fed her to save her.

"Has he... ever made you feel something very powerful? And was the blood in your system at the time?"

Bonnie felt naked, all of a sudden. As if Shane had delved into all her secrets.

"No, not that I recall," she answered firmly.

Shane shook his head, smiling. "That's fine. You don't need to tell me. But I want you to understand that this kind of stimulus can make you lose control. The Expression feeds on it. And you need to trust me on this before it gets any stickier. Vampires are...the best and the worst thing that can happen to you."

"I don't understand, are you telling me to stay away from Damon or are you trying to convince me he has feelings for me?"

Shane chuckled.

"A little bit of both. I think he does care about you. In fact, he might be a good influence. He might even unlock some...hidden potential, if he hasn't already. But there will come a time when he might stand in your way and undo all our work. And I want to prevent that."

Bonnie gave him a strange look.

"What I'm trying to say, I guess, in less magical, old-fashioned terms, is that I don't want to see you get hurt."

"Why do you think I'll -"

"Because he's still in love with Elena."

* * *

"What do you want me to tell him?"

"Oh, whatever would make him most miserable. Anything that might shatter his heart into tiny little pieces and make him lose all hope of ever being with you again. Think you can manage that?"

Elena threw her a look. "You've missed quite a bit while you were gone."

"Oh, so you have new material? Wonderful! Can't wait to hear it."

"And Tyler?"

"Will be here soon. Unless you want me to compel him to skip town."

"...no. I'll do it."

* * *

"So, what do you think I deserve in return for reuniting you with your "epic" love, Stefan?" Rebekah asked playfully as she circled the table. "Hmm? Maybe a name, or a location. Or both if you're feeling generous. If not, I'm afraid my generous offer will be drawn too."

She placed a firm hand on Elena's shoulder, making sure she would feel the nails dig into her skin.

But the girl seemed impervious to it. She was staring ahead with a blank expression on her face, not even minding Stefan's presence.

She had his complete attention, his eyes roaming over every inch of her hungrily, although his heart was breaking at such a painful sight.

He tried to grab her hand. She flinched and pulled away.

"Don't touch me," she muttered.

"What have you done to her?" Stefan asked Rebekah.

"Me? She's been like this ever since I found her. Suppose she's in a state of shock? Although you'd think what with it being her _second_ murder she'd mind it less."

Elena clenched her fists, but said nothing.

"Elena, please talk to me. Please. I know you're down there, somewhere. I know the real you is still inside, even if right now, she seems out of the picture. The real you would rather die than hurt anyone and you have to believe me that is still you. Always will be. No matter how many -"

Elena turned to him, annoyed.

A cold, chilling smile turned up the corners of her lips.

"You know what I've been doing these past three days? I've been practicing. At first I was very sloppy, because you never take into account if she's a screamer. Or if the guy has a gun. Or if there are children in the back. And you're never ready, until you're halfway through. And then it gets so easy, you wonder why you were so nervous in the first place."

She said all this in such a soft and gentle voice, you'd think she were telling him a bed night story.

Stefan felt a shiver run down his spine.

"I didn't kill all of them. In fact, I didn't _want_ to kill them. I don't want to be like _you_. I'm not a _Ripper_. But practice is practice. And I wanted to get better at this. So you wouldn't have to _fix_ me anymore."

Stefan shut his eyes in utter misery.

"You switched off."

"I'm fine now," she continued, ignoring his emotional turmoil. "For the first time in ages, I'm okay. I feel content. And I don't want you to ruin that for me. I don't want you standing in my way."

Each word was like a silver bullet to the heart. The mere fact that she'd turned off her humanity was devastating enough.

He looked up at her with wide eyes.

"This isn't you, Elena. You're saying all of these things now because you're trying to hurt me, to hurt yourself. To push me away in order to punish yourself for everything you've done, real or imagined. I know it because I've been down this road myself and I've pushed _you_ away. And I only sank lower and lower. But you never gave up on me-"

Elena rolled her eyes impatiently.

"You don't get it, do you? I don't _want_ any other road. I'm not even pushing you away. You can give up on me or keep pining away. I don't care. I'm finally being who I'm supposed to be."

"Prove it to me, then. Because the more you talk, the more you betray yourself, the more you betray how wrong this new self feels to you-"

"You're right. Words are meaningless," she said turning towards him. "Actions speak louder. So instead, I'm going to _do_ something. I'm going to harm the person you love most in this world. I'm going to go down to the Lake House and I'm going to break Damon the same way I broke you."

Stefan almost flinched. He did not expect it to shock him, but it did. It hit him with the force of a hurricane. And he could not recover.

Elena raised his chin with her fingers and made him look in her eyes.

Then, softly:

"I want him to suffer just as much as you do. I want him to feel what you're feeling right now, what you'll feel tomorrow and the day after. And I want you both to regret the day you met me. I'm done being the go-between for your sibling rivalry. You two have toyed with me for two years. My turn now."

Stefan felt large cracks breaking his carefully-crafted composure. He felt himself slowly fall apart.

And he realized in horror that he would rather she loved one of them, than neither.

And the truth of such an unbearable reality almost undid him.

He felt hot tears tinge his eyelashes.

"Is that proof enough for you?"

* * *

Minutes later, Rebekah had the name of the mysterious professor who knew the location of the cure and in very little time, April and Caroline, followed closely by Kol and Shane, entered the library.

"April, darling? Great job in getting Caroline here. You may leave us now."

* * *

When Bonnie saw April collapse on the floor, blood gushing out of her abdomen, she knew she was done for.

There was no turning back from this.

Her magic had done this.

No. _This_, this foreign, unlimited, uncontrollable magic had done this.

And it had become a part of her because she had let it absorb her, she had given it a shape, _her_ shape. She had felt the Expression twice as powerful within her when she had cast the spell, but Bonnie Bennett, twice as weak.

That was the problem; she had let this new magic take over the old. Even if the old was dead, it was _hers_.

In other words, she had allowed the magic Damon had ignited to harm her own.

A dreadful thought emerged and was swallowed quickly by an onslaught of others; what if she lost herself completely in it?

She shook her head, scrambling to her feet. She had to get help.

Shane was probably alive, but April Young was about to die in his place.

A protection spell that demanded human sacrifice. It made her skin crawl. It made her hate Shane for putting her in this position.

Luckily, she didn't have to make another human sacrifice to save April.

Stefan came on time.

* * *

"Turn," Rebekah told him simply.

Tyler blinked, confused.

"But I will kill them if I do."

"That's what I'm counting on."

* * *

Elena sighed in frustration, looking right and left. Tyler had eluded her yet again.

Stefan still felt the urge to protect her, despite everything.

She had tried dodging him, because she didn't want to get distracted, but seeing as he was always in her way, she had smashed his face into the nearest trophy display and had made a run for it.

She hadn't seen him since but she knew he would be on her tails soon, so she had to be quick about it.

Retracing her steps, she walked towards the other end of the corridor.

She heard a faint growl in the distance and someone whimpering.

Caroline.

Tyler wouldn't be too far away.

She found the both of them in the gym, Caroline trying to prevent his turning, while Tyler kept pushing her away, telling her to leave.

Elena ran towards the blonde girl and extended her hand.

"Caroline! Come on! You can't help him right now!"

Caroline looked back at Elena, tears in her eyes.

"I can't just leave him like that!"

"Yes you can and you have to! You'll only harm him more by putting yourself in danger. Come on! We have to find another way to help him!"

At length, she let herself get dragged outside by Elena.

Caroline put her arms around her and let out a sob, but before she could say anything further, she was pushed roughly across the corridor and the doors in front of her were sealed shut.

Elena walked towards the turning hybrid.

"So, just the two of us at last."

Tyler looked up at her through blood-shot eyes.

"E-Elena?"

"Don't be so surprised. You knew this was coming. I'm ...doing you a favor."

"What are you - argh! Leave! You shouldn't be here!"

"No. This is exactly where I need to be. You're at your most vulnerable right now. Which means you'll be at your strongest soon. I'll wait."

"Aaah! Elena! Get out of here! I don't want to kill you!"

"Why not?" Elena snapped. "I'm not even worth killing now? Or is that your revenge? Letting me live with it for all eternity."

"Revenge - what are you talking about?" he asked through pants and screams of pain.

"Don't you _want_ to take revenge?"

"Revenge for what?!"

Elena studied his face carefully. Her eyes widened slightly.

"You don't know, do you?"

"Know what?! Arrrgghh!"

"They haven't told you, have they? They're covering it up."

By now, Tyler was not listening anymore, but Elena was determined to tell him. Damn the consequences again, she had to let him know.

This would be her last act as a vampire and it would be a freeing one.

"They haven't told you the truth, Tyler. Your mother -"

"I know she was killed! I know it wasn't an accident!" he yelled back, his voice going hoarse.

With the last bit of humanity left in him, Tyler ran towards his mother's portrait and crashed his head against the glass, crying and howling madly.

And that is when Elena Gilbert felt a twinge. Something in her suddenly cracked.

She watched him roll on the floor, driven insane with grief and pain. And something made her stop. Something stopped her from telling him.

It was brief and momentary and it was gone before she knew it, but it gave Stefan and Caroline ample time to barge in through the doors and prevent her suicide.

* * *

"I will get her that cure, even if it means teaming up with Rebekah. Even if it means teaming up with all the hounds of hell. I will do anything to get her back."

"Stefan, you can't force Elena to change into what she was by feeding her some potion-"

"I need to do _something_, Caroline. She never gave up on me. I'm not giving up on her."

"Even if-?"

"Even if she's stopped loving me. Even if I stop loving her."

* * *

"You don't want to see me get hurt? I almost killed someone today!" Bonnie shouted over his words, not letting him defend himself. "And you stood by and did nothing! You would have let me kill April!"

"But you didn't kill her, Bonnie! And you saved a life! Sometimes that's the best magic can do!"

"Black magic, you mean!"

"This isn't black magic. You know that because you've felt it yourself. This magic isn't good or bad, it's up to you what you use it for. It's completely in _your_ control. And you've already come so far! A month ago I wasn't sure if you'd be able to find the Expression within you. And now look at you. You're strong, beautiful and powerful. All you need to do is learn to master it better until you can discover the full extent of your powers. And then you'll be invincible. You'll never have to depend on anyone and you will never have to kill or sacrifice those you love. If you work with me, you can unleash even greater power-"

"Stop, please. I can't do this right now. I - I need to be alone. I need time to think. April almost died."

"I understand, but that wasn't your fault, Bonnie. If it was anyone's fault, it was mine. I didn't prepare you enough for this."

"I don't need preparation! I don't want to be invincible! I don't want to have greater power! I only want _my_ magic back."

"You already have it."

"No! This isn't my magic. It's gone further than that. Why did you make me dig deeper when you knew it wasn't right?"

"It's not about what I want, Bonnie. It's about what _you_ want. Do you think I jumped straight to this possibility when I first met you? Do you think I didn't try to reconnect you with the spirits? Do you think I didn't try any other kind of magic there is? Why do you think I hypnotized you all those times? The only magic you ever responded to..."

"...was the Expression," she finished for him, horrified.

Shane took her hands in his. "Bonnie, listen to me. This has the potential to save lives and help the people you love. What if I told you you could use it to activate the cure?"

Bonnie stared at him, wide-eyed.

"I know it sounds impossible and I can't promise much, but I _can_ promise I will do my best to help you get there. If and only if you want to."

"How -"

"I will dedicate every waking hour to your training. And I will make sure accidents like these never happen again. I swear it, Bonnie Bennet," he said, placing her hands over his chest. "I swear it on my life, which I owe to you."

Bonnie wanted to pull away, but his eyes and voice were too mesmerizing to resist. The Expression ached for her to say yes to his promise.

"I need time to think about this," she repeated, stepping away from him.

Shane knew he had to be careful and patient with her. She'd been through a lot for one day.

"Of course. Of course you do. It's a lot to take in. I understand. But please, call me when you're ready to talk."

"I'll - I'll try."

"And forgive me. All I can tell you is that it hurt me more than it hurt you."

"I doubt it," she mumbled turning away to leave.

"Bonnie?"

"Yes?"

"I hope you can still trust me in the future. Because I trusted you with my life."

* * *

Bonnie dialed his number, waiting patiently for him to answer. Yes, they had argued and yelled at each other and yes, they had both been unreasonable, especially him, but it would all work out in the end if they really listened to each other. If they took the time to hear each other out and not focus on all the problems that enveloped them, maybe their...connection could be salvaged.

And she desperately needed someone to talk to. She wanted to tell him about the Expression. She wanted to tell him how she really felt about Jeremy.

Hell, she was sure she even wanted to come down there and talk to him in person. Because ever since that night they'd shared together, she hadn't felt completely whole. All the regrets and fears she had pushed back were returning with a vengeance now and all she could think and feel was that they had made a mistake and yet, she knew she needed to see him or hear his voice and she didn't want to question why.

But her dial was rejected on the fourth ring.

And in that moment, Shane's words also came back with a vengeance.

_He's still in love with Elena._

* * *

Damon stopped digging and sank the shovel in the soil as he reached for his phone.

Bonnie.

Bonnie Bennet.

The same Bonnie Bennet who had told him he would know deep down what to do. The same Bonnie Bennet who had trusted him to keep Jeremy from becoming a monster.

And now he was digging a grave for Jeremy's first kill of the night. One of many to follow.

Well, he reasoned, at least he had stayed.

No.

It would have been better if he had left.

He wouldn't have actively helped Klaus to strip Jeremy of his will. He wouldn't have silenced his conscience.

And more importantly, he wouldn't have enjoyed it. He wouldn't have enjoyed tearing down the boy Bonnie Bennet was still in love with.

A second caller appeared on his screen.

_Elena Gilbert._

The choice was easy this time.

* * *

"I was down there, in the lowest, darkest place of my mind and I was sinking and I knew I'd never get back up after - after Carol. But _you_, the memory of you brought me back. I was going to give up, but I realized I couldn't. Not while you were still alive. I knew that if I was going to disappear off the face of the Earth I had to tell you this first," she said, making sure her voice cracked just the right amount towards the end.

Damon listened to her with bated breath.

"And you can say that it's the sire bond. You know what, maybe, maybe it is," she added, laughing softly. "But I'm telling you, it's the most real thing that I've ever felt in my entire life. I love you, Damon. I love you."

Elena waited for the words to sink in. She wondered if she had timed them well. She wondered if they had sounded genuine.

Damon himself was at a loss for words.

He had forgotten all about Jeremy, Bonnie, Klaus, the dead vampires, everything. She always had this effect on him. He desperately wanted to believe her and he did. For the first time, he allowed himself to believe it.

Because she had come back for him. And that meant she was giving him a chance to save her. She was putting her life in his hands.

"Look, I'm gonna get this cure for you. And I'm gonna have to do things you're not gonna like."

"Damon..."

"But listen carefully. Get in your car. Right now. Come to me."

Elena smirked gleefully.

Hook, line and sinker.

"I'll be there soon."


	12. Chapter 12

_hello, my darlings! long time no update, I know, but I told you I'd be late sometimes. Well, better late than never :)_

_I'm unfortunately going through a period of rough exams and hence, you may expect late updates in the future as well. The important thing, though, is that I will update, sooner or later. You just have to be patient, which I know you are, because who are we kidding here? You guys are fantastic._

_Another problem I'm facing is that these chapters are getting ridiculously long. It's sort of daunting. I hope I can tame them back into 5000-6000 words (not likely)._

_As you can imagine, they take quite a lot of time and effort to finish, which sort of makes it harder to update. I hope I can shorten them, otherwise I might go insane from writing a novella a week._

_Still, complaints aside, all of this is pretty much worth it since I have you guys. Your support and enthusiasm get me through difficult times and propel me to write, so thank you so much for that. I don't know what I'd do without it._

_ Many thanks to all the wonderful reviews so far (244 was not a number I ever thought I would reach) and to the anonymous ones as well for sticking to this story: **Guest(1)**: yep, keep the faith intact because Bamon is definitely coming (hint, hint, this chapter); **Guest(2)**: Aww, thank you so much for the lovely words, I do try to add twists and turns to make it both my own and a tie-in with the episodes, so I'm glad it's working so far!; **Guest(3)/Lilly Angel88**: Yey, so glad you liked the hypnosis scene because there is more of that coming up this chapter:) As for Elena, it's quite daunting to make her interesting again after the shit TVD put her through, but I'm happy I'm getting there and yeah I'd love to see the humanity switch on screen too, it would be quite entertaining:) Thanks for the lovely review:); **Vie**: hahah, method to the madness indeed :) I'm glad you're conflicted about Elena, that's the kind of reaction I was looking for. Yeah, poor Stefan's got a bit more suffering to go, but he finds comfort in his blonde Original, so there's that; **Casper**: oh gosh, so flattered and touched by your review! I've always wanted someone to call me a gentleman and a scholar at the same time:) I'd love to write for the show, it would help pay the bills and I'd be able fix some of those plotlines (namely, Bonnie's), but fanfiction will have to do for now:) It's very satisfying to see that this Elena is getting good feedback as I really do believe the character has a lot of potential that's been squandered by the writers. Also, trust motif noticed, yey! Hope you enjoy the new chapter just as much:); **Guest(4)**: Well, I don't know what Shane was implying about her on the show, but in my fictional universe, a lot of these questions should be cleared up, at least partially, in this chapter. And don't worry, Bonnie's not going anywhere. As for the comparison between Katherine and Elena, I suppose it's inevitable, but I'm trying to distinguish Elena a bit from her doppelganger. And if you're eager for team Bamon, this chapter should do it for you:);** amanda melo**: so sorry for the wait! updated!; **michelle3737** (I couldn't send you a message so I'm replying here): wow, thanks for reviewing so many chapters, you rock! :) I'm really pleased you appreciate the little twists and parallels to the episode, I myself love stuff like this, ergo why I enjoy writing it so much. Thank you for pointing out that detail about Carol, I had completely forgotten about it and feel pretty stupid, but I suppose I can't really fix it now, so we can maybe create a scenario where she stopped taking vervain for a while:)) Plus, Elena hit her head pretty badly during their struggle and that alone would have killed her. Anyways, thanks a lot for dropping by for each chapter:)  
_

_Okay, I hope that's all of the anonymous reviewers. I'm always worried I've missed someone. If I have, you know I love you and your commitment to this story.  
_

_Now, important notices about this chapter:  
_

_1. This one ties in with **Catch Me If You Can**. I mention the episodes every time so there won't be any confusion if someone comes across this story after season 4 has ended.  
_

_2. Reminder: the scenes from the episode that aren't featured here stay the same. As in, Stefan and Rebekah discovering a "new team" in the chase for the cure, Stefan and Rebekah bumping uglies and other small scenes (Matt, Rebekah and Kol etc.) You probably understand why I can't write about every single one. I need to prioritize.  
_

_3. The story is getting in serious AU territory, especially concerning the cure. You will see why and how.  
_

_4. There's a Kill Bill reference in there somewhere. It's pretty blatant, but I couldn't resist. :)  
_

_Well, nothing left to say but enjoy and share your thoughts in the reviews!  
_

* * *

Matt's scream pierced the pitch-black cover of the night.

One of the newborn vampires Klaus had prepared for Jeremy tackled him to the ground and ripped into his throat.

He couldn't see anything at all; the weight that was holding him down felt more like an impossible fabrication of the night than a real creature. He could hear the thick branches and the leaves rustling in the wind above him, but anything else was closed off from him.

He had given up hope of ever getting back to the cabin.

The warmth of his body was gradually being replaced with a glacial coldness.

A thin layer of ice was spreading from his wound to the rest of him.

But then, quite suddenly, he realized it wasn't ice. It was Elena. She was standing above him, holding a hand to his neck.

The newborn vampire was lying motionless some feet away.

"You're gonna live, but you need to get out of here," she told him, with an undecipherable expression on her face. There was something soft in the shadows around her eyes, but a ferocious light, devoid of any restraint, shone in them with equal conviction.

Bringing her bloodied fingers to her mouth, she lapped the red liquid hungrily.

Matt understood at once and got up shakily, trying to cover his wound.

"Go!" Elena shouted angrily.

Matt did not have time to question what was happening. He ran towards the cabin without looking back.

She watched him go with a pang in her chest. She had spared Matt. She had had no reason to. She certainly hadn't spared the others.

But she had done it, either way, she had saved him.

Maybe that is what she was meant to do. Spare the humans, kill the vampires. Vampires had done this to her, after all.

She saw more newborns approaching from the woods. But she was prepared.

Elena grabbed the nearest fallen branch and splitting it in half, aimed the pointed end at the oncoming vampires.

She had her own strategy. She hadn't learnt how to rip out hearts yet, but she could break their necks and stake them afterwards.

_They're too many,_ a voice inside her head warned her.

"Maybe. But they're younger and I'm angry."

She growled and ran towards them, twisting their necks one by one.

* * *

"What the hell..." Damon trailed off as he came across one of the vampires staked to a tree. His body hung limp against the trunk, his arms and legs dangling in front of him.

He approached the spot warily, watching out for any unknown presence.

This definitely wasn't Jeremy's work. The kid could barely hold a stake right. He doubted Matt was any better.

So that meant either Klaus or another vampire had gotten there before him. And they had been busy; three more newborns were suspended behind him.

* * *

Jeremy stood over the sink as Elena gently pulled his hair back.

"Where were you?"

"I was taking care of something. I'm here now."

He splashed more water over his face.

"Klaus can't do this to me, Elena. I - I can't do this. They're too many. I'm not strong enough and I don't want to be a murderer-"

She pulled his head towards her and gave him a stern look.

"Hey. You don't have to be or do anything. I'm taking care of it."

Jeremy stepped back, alarmed at the harshness of her tone.

"Taking care of what?"

It was then that he finally took notice of her appearance; she was sporting a rather ugly bruise under her collarbone and had small cuts and marks all over her hands and cheeks. Not to mention the blood on her jeans.

"What happened to you? What did you do?"

"Nothing. I just...stalled them."

"Elena, are you all right?"

The girl smiled, but it did not reach her eyes. She pulled her brother into a stiff embrace.

"I'm fine."

* * *

Bonnie lingered in the doorway, unwilling to step inside, unwilling to leave. She was drawn almost instinctively to him. He was safe. He was the only one who knew.

Shane stood up, a small smile plastered on his face.

"I'm glad you came back."

"I didn't - I didn't plan on doing it."

"But?"

Bonnie looked down, embarrassed.

"I don't have anyone else to turn to...about this."

Shane nodded his head in understanding.

"Your father - he's not ready to comprehend the kind of power you wield. And the others...?"

Bonnie sighed, as she finally stepped inside his office.

"The others have bigger problems right now."

Shane chuckled, shaking his head. "You mean Damon Salvatore has bigger problems."

Bonnie scowled. "That's not what I-"

"I know you better than you think, Bonnie."

She narrowed her eyes at him, but did not try to contradict him. She had tried reaching Damon all morning and safe to say, she had not been successful.

"I was right about him, wasn't I? He's still..."

"You said you would dedicate every waking hour to my training," she interrupted him sternly.

"Ah, yes. I did. And I'm going to keep that promise."

* * *

Elena jumped up from her seat when she saw him come in.

She was at his side in seconds. Damon pulled her in a tight embrace, closing his eyes in relief.

"I'm such a moron. I shouldn't have told you to come. I didn't know this would happen. Are you okay? For a minute there..."

"Damon, calm down. I'm fine. I got here in time. No harm done," she told him softly, playing with the hairs at the back of his head.

When they parted, he could still feel her fingers at the base of his nape, her nails digging into his skin, and a peculiar sensation of nausea overcame him, but he shook it off, thinking it was only the night's adventures.

"We have to get Matt out of here, though. He'll be the first to go when night falls."

"I know, I'll make sure he gets home-"

"Jeremy, too. This isn't the place for him anymore."

Damon frowned. "What do you mean? He's a hunter."

Elena shook her head. "He's not going to waste his time with these ones. It'll just make it worse for him in the long run."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying I've got a plan."

Damon raised an eyebrow.

"Hear me out, at least."

"Elena, we don't have time for plans - he needs to kill vampires to complete the Mark, there is no in-between. There is no shortcut."

"Actually, there is. Killing an Original is the equivalent of killing over a thousand vampires. It's the definition of a shortcut."

Damon's eyes widened in astonishment.

"Are you serious?"

"Why not? Imagine how much easier it would be for Jeremy to complete the Mark."

"Are you insane?!"

"Because having him slaughter thousands of newborns is saner?"

"Elena, I know you don't want him to turn into Connor, but this isn't the way to do it. He will _die_ trying to kill an Original. He can barely kill a newborn. It can't be done."

"Three of them are dead already, so they're not invincible. You know that. And Jeremy will not be alone in this. We - _You_ will help him all the way. Trust me on this," she said, squeezing his hand.

Damon stared at her as if she had really gone mad. Something was not right about this. The sudden ease with which she had planned all of this alarmed him. Killing an Original, pitting her brother against certain danger - it all felt unnatural, unlike her.

Then again, she was sired to him, he recalled.

He gritted his teeth, miserably. Was she becoming more like him with each passing day?

"I know it seems farfetched now, but we've been through worse and we survived," she pressed on, bringing his hand to her face.

Damon sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"I somehow doubt we'll survive this."

"We will, because we have each other, remember?" she told him, pressing a kiss to his palm.

Damon's expression softened. He could hardly refuse her anything when she was being so affectionate. Sometimes he wondered who was sired to whom.

"So, what are we supposed to do now?"

Elena smiled. "We have to get ready to fight. You, me and Jeremy."

Damon furrowed his brows in confusion.

"Didn't we just agree he won't -"

"Not the newborns. The Original."

Damon stepped away from her and really looked at her for the first time since he'd come in.

She looked and acted the same, but she was different. Something vital within her had changed.

"Elena, what did you do?"

She gave him a concerned look. "Don't you trust me? Damon, I only want to make things right-"

"What did you do?"

She sighed, looking away. "I found Kol's number on Jeremy's phone. They were friends in Colorado. He's on his way."

"You _what!?_"

"He doesn't want the cure to be found, so he has every reason to help us kill the newborns. And the three of us can finish him off."

"Do you realize what you've just done?! Kol is going to rip Jeremy's head clean off, right after he's done staking us to each other!"

"Calm down, he's not going to kill us. He's carrying the last White Oak Stake. I saw it on him when he came to help Rebekah at school. He probably stole it from her. If we get that Stake, we can easily- "

Damon ran a hand through his hair in frustration.

"It doesn't work that way, Elena!"

"Look, if we work together, we'll not only give Jeremy a chance to complete his Mark but we'll also get hold of the last White Oak Stake. Don't you want that?"

Damon shook his head vehemently.

"You have no idea the kind of danger you put us in."

"We're already in danger! Why can't you just trust me on this? Kol won't expect our attack and even if he does, he won't kill Jeremy, because he knows the hunter will haunt him for eternity, and he won't try to kill me, because I'm too valuable to Klaus-"

"Do you even hear yourself? This isn't _you_, Elena. You would never risk lives. This is the sire bond talking and I can't -" he stopped and shut his eyes in frustration.

Elena was more than happy to play along with his theory. In fact, it gave her the upperhand.

"Then you know it's what _you_ would do, Damon. _You_ would come up with something like this. Because deep down, you know we have a chance. You know it could work."

Damon groaned, trying to think of a way out of this, _any_ way that wouldn't involve facing Kol.

But the only way out was through.

"If he's coming, then I'll be ready to meet him. But you're staying here, Elena."

Her composure faltered slightly.

"What? But I have to-"

"You're not coming with us. You're taking Matt home."

"Excuse me?"

"I said I don't want you to come."

"But I can help you!"

"I said _no_."

The words had a final note to them, a note she couldn't ignore. She stood her ground for as long as she could before the sire bond melted her resolve and she grudgingly had to give in.

Damon hated having to use it on her, but she had given him no choice.

* * *

She was running fast.

Her feet were carrying her almost without her knowing across the vast meadows, into the forest.

The sea was not far away. She could already smell the waves crashing on the shore, even though she could not hear them. The scent was stuck to her skin. That of snow and sea.

In those moments, she resembled a small bird, fleeing her nest. The nest being the village she was so desperately running from.

Looking back, she could see the snow-tipped mountain cliffs, rising in the distance like mythical giants who guarded their land down below and crushed any who disobeyed them.

At other times, she would have stopped to admire the scenery because it was such a beautiful sight.

But she was being chased down and any second lost would mean bridging the gap between her and her attacker.

Her breath came out in short puffs of steam. It was early spring, but the weather had not improved by much. Her light travel-wear would not hold her for long. And her aunt would surely despair that she had not taken warmer clothes for her journey.

All these fragmentary thoughts came to her in flashes; images that vanished before she could grasp them.

The only thing she could picture clearly was his face, namely his eyes.

Their cerulean blue had turned a deep amber and now, they were following her.

As she sank deeper and deeper into the forest, she could sense the barrier lifting, like a veil drawn from the world. The sun had gone down.

Bad. Very bad.

She wouldn't be able to reach the sea on time. Which meant she had to find a safe place in the forest to cast concealing spells over for the night.

He was coming down from the mountains like the prince in the stories her mother had told her as a child. Except this one was a monster, not a prince.

A monster she had helped create. A monster she still loved, despite his betrayal.

It was love that had been her undoing. She had been the only one to climb up the mountain to him. No other villager had dared. They called him a mad recluse. The Dark One. The one who tempered with unnatural forces.

But she had gone to him, because she had never met someone like her. She had believed herself alone in that place, alone and forlorn in her secrecy. And yet, here was another to whom she might reveal her nature.

He was not a witch, but he understood exactly what she was. He had told her he was an unfinished work, but that he was meant to become something greater, much greater than she could possibly imagine. And that something only _she_ could beget.

The notion that she, for once, was essential to someone, that she was half of him, half of this great, new creature - it had opened up a new universe for her and she had trusted him completely, had given up everything to help him create the spell, to grant him immortality, but now - now everything had been torn asunder.

Leaning against a tree trunk, she exhaled deeply.

She knew that, if it came down to it, she wouldn't be able to kill him. She couldn't bear watching the amber in his eyes go out.

If he was going to kill her, the only thing she could do was imprison him.

It might not hold him forever, but he would at least be alive. And away from... _her_.

Suddenly, she flung herself from the tree and let out a sob of agony.

How could he have betrayed her in such a way?

It was clear to her now that he had never loved her. That he had only used her for his own selfish means. She had already given him everything he wanted and now, he was getting rid of her because she no longer held any value to him.

But even this she could have borne. She could have borne his indifference, his coldness, his callousness, she could have borne them all if she had not seen another side to him, a side which he only ever showed _her_. That woman. The one who had snatched his heart.

The one he truly loved.

He had never meant to share his immortality with a witch. And he had told her so, when he had demanded she help him turn his lover immortal as well.

She had refused, crying bitter tears of anger. She had told him she would rather die.

And now, she would get her wish.

"Bonnie!" a sharp voice called her from beyond.

She turned, frightened at the sound, and saw a man running towards her from the same village she had fled. Ready to ward him off, if necessary, she prepared to cast a blocking spell, but upon closer inspection, she realized who she was.

"You..." she breathed out in relief.

His hands were on her shoulders, trying to subdue her shock.

"Bonnie, are you all right?"

"Where am I?" she asked in a daze.

"We've been here before, Bonnie. Remember?"

She scrunched her eyebrows in confusion.

"The mountains, the passage. Your ancestors. This place is familiar to you," Shane insisted.

"Is this a dream?"

"A memory, let's say," he replied with half a smile.

"Who - whose memory?"

"Yours."

Bonnie started shaking in fear. "Why am I trembling?"

"Because you're afraid of _him_."

"Is - is _he_ coming after me?"

Shane brushed her cheek softly. "I'm afraid so. And he's not alone. He's bringing _her_ with him."

Bonnie looked around desperately.

"I need to go. He's going to kill me."

"No, listen to me, Bonnie. Listen," he said, holding her to him. "You, and you alone, can change your fate."

"My fate?"

"You don't have to follow the same well-trodden road as the ones before you."

"What are you saying?"

"I know you think it's too late, but you cannot give up on him. You _cannot_ let her take what is rightfully yours."

Bonnie stared at him, wide-eyed.

"She took him from you. She did this to you. But you love him, don't you?"

"I - I don't know -"

"You gave him the gift of immortality and it changed him. He turned away from you because of her. But you can change that. He is still yours. Always has been."

Bonnie shook her head, trying to push him away.

"I don't believe you -"

"Bonnie. Take back what is yours," he said, slipping the small dagger into her hand.

"I can't kill -"

He pressed the blade into her palm. "Not him. _Her_."

No sooner had he said these words, than Bonnie suddenly heard footsteps behind him.

His presence could not be masked. She was far too used to it.

She drank him in as he stood there, watching her intently.

"Damon."

He made no move towards her.

"Go to him," Shane whispered in her ear.

Bonnie almost took a step towards him, but a second figure appeared at his side, as if his own shadow had come alive.

Her eyes were soft and inviting, but her mouth curled upwards in a disdainful smile.

"Qetsiyah," the woman greeted her, eyeing her with interest. "There is no need to run from us. We don't mean you any harm. We only come in peace."

She held one hand over Damon's shoulder, as if to make sure he would not escape. He didn't seem to want to, however.

In fact, he was watching them calmly. As if he had no part in it at all.

Bonnie stood transfixed to the spot for half a minute before she found the strength to speak.

"Shane. I want to wake up."

"Not yet."

"Please. I want to wake up."

The professor smiled patiently.

"Then do it, Bonnie."

"How?"

"You know how. Finish it."

She looked down at the dagger in her hand and back at the two figures in front of her.

"Bonnie. _Take back what is yours._"

It was tempting, she realized, to kill her. It was tempting to get rid of the only obstacle in hers and Damon's path.

But would it make him love her?

She hesitated for too long.

"Bonnie!"

The last thing she heard was Shane calling her name before she collapsed in Damon's arms in defeat.

* * *

Her eyes opened and she gasped as she woke from her trance.

She felt cold sweat on her forehead. Her palms were clammy and her muscles tense. Her entire body hurt from exhaustion.

Shane sighed despondently and handed her a glass of water.

"It's all right. Here."

She held a hand to her head. Her forehead was burning.

"You're not focusing enough. I need you to be more open, Bonnie."

"What happened?" she asked, leaning back in her chair.

"You experienced an imbalance in the Expression."

"An imbalance?"

"You're fighting back, which is natural. You need more time. Look, you can't control it unless you let it engulf you. Embrace it and subdue it."

Bonnie set down the glass.

"Embrace it?! What if I can't subdue it? I can't take that risk. I almost _killed_ someone."

"You almost killed someone because you _hadn't_ embraced it! Don't you see? This training is not in vain. I can help you. But you have to let me."

"I _know_ you want to help me," she retorted and the glass started to shake violently on the table, "but it's too much power and I'm afraid that no matter what you do, I won't be able to-"

"Bonnie, look at me," he said, taking her hand in his. "I'm here with you. You don't have anything to worry about. You are strong, you are focused. You are in complete control. You know what you have to do." He paused. "Take back what is yours."

Bonnie watched him, mesmerized. The lull of his voice induced a sweet numbness to her senses. She could hear his words, but their meaning was lost to her.

She chanted after him: "You're here with me. I'm in complete control."

The door to his office was suddenly flung open.

The Sheriff and Mayor Hopkins burst in, unannounced.

"Atticus Shane, you are under arrest for partaking in the suicide of the Council Members."

* * *

"Listen, you can't go in there with me," Damon told him, pointing at the now abandoned bar.

Jeremy raised his eyebrows in surprise.

"What are you talking about?"

"I need you to wait out here. But be on your guard and have your sling ready."

"I thought you wanted me to kill those vampires."

"So did I...but I think someone beat us to it."

"What do you mean?"

"Look, you have to trust me on this. If I give you the signal, come in and do not hesitate. If I tell you to run, run. Got it?"

"I don't understand, why are you being so-"

"Because we have an Original on the premises."

* * *

"I just thought you should know that your brother is making sure you - _we_ never find the cure."

"Is that so? I'm sure he's just having a little bit of fun."

"At the expense of your vampires. He's killed them all. He doesn't want Jeremy to complete his Mark. And he'll stop at nothing to sabotage us."

"Yes, well, he's always been the unruly one, I'm afraid. But he does fear me. He knows I can put him back in his coffin in the blink of an eye. He _will_ stop if I tell him to."

"So you'd take that chance?"

"...you think he fears this legendary Silas more than he does me?"

"I think...that when the time comes, he will look out for himself. He won't _care_ if you put him back in his coffin."

"What are you getting at, Elena?"

"A deal. Help me kill Kol or do it yourself. And in exchange I will take the cure and give you my blood to make hybrids."

"What makes you think I need your consent? I may feed you the cure and take as much blood as I want."

"Then let me rephrase. I will take the cure and _stay_ human."

"I see. I must say, I am quite impressed. You're not the daft simpleton I thought you were. You remind me of Katerina when she was in her prime."

"So, do we have a deal?"

* * *

"How noble of you. Putting someone else first, for once. I hope little Gilbert was worth it. Because you'll be stuck in that chair for a long time."

Kol paused in his speech and smirked at Damon's writhing figure.

"Very good, darling. Now stab yourself a little bit further."

Damon winced in pain as he drove the knife into chest with renewed force.

"If you're gonna kill me, do it like _man_."

Kol seemed insulted by the idea.

"Oh, I don't want to kill you. I just want to make sure you can be compelled. See, my big brother has forbidden me from doing you or the Gilbert boy too much harm. But that doesn't mean we can't still have our fun, does it?"

He patted Damon on the shoulder lightly, increasing his pain.

"Now, where shall we start? I have so many questions and yet so little time at my disposal. I know! How about you tell me more about your Professor friend, hmm?"

"He's not a _friend_," Damon spat, struggling against the knife.

"No? Then he must be an enemy. And yet, you are both searching for the cure. Why aren't you on the same side?"

Kol forced him to stare into his eyes. His pupils shrank.

"Answer me."

"He...doesn't care about the cure. Just – just wants Silas," Damon told him reluctantly.

"Whatever for?"

"To – to raise the dead."

Kol whistled in appreciation. "I suppose that is one way of ending the world. And yet you idiots still think it's a good idea to wake him."

Damon glared at him.

"But he's the chief idiot, I'll give you that. Still, he's smart enough to know that a headstone alone cannot wake such a powerful creature. So, what else has he got?"

Damon's stomach suddenly dropped. He realized that the next words coming out of his mouth would be:

"A Bennett witch."

"Bennett?" Kol echoed, pausing mid-step. "Now why does that sound familiar?"

Damon looked down at the knife as it twisted close to his heart. He swallowed a groan, shaking.

He had to change the subject. Fast. The last thing he wanted was for this psychopath to suddenly develop an interest in Bonnie.

"Look, whatever you've got planned, Klaus is gonna give you hell if you-" he began weakly.

"Ah, my brother! Of course! The little _hex_ who tried to kill Nick," Kol beamed, thoroughly pleased with the discovery. "For that alone, I like her. It's too bad she did not succeed. Well, getting rid of an Original is a task fit only for another Original, don't you think?"

Kol grinned, bemused, patting the inside pocket where he kept the Stake.

Damon sighed inwardly. At least he was back on his deranged track.

"_Then again_, she might be strong enough to wake Silas. It must be why you offered her name so promptly. The Professor is using her as his trump card, isn't he?"

"She's not involved with him like that. Besides, he's barking up the wrong tree. She's lost all her powers, so you'd both be wasting your time -" Damon began, trying desperately to dissuade him.

"Of course _you_'d tell me that, you lot want her all for yourselves. So selfish. You _must_ learn to share."

"I'm telling you she's got no-"

"Why don't you let me be the judge of that? In fact, I should probably pay her a visit. See exactly what she's made of."

"What are you going to do? Force her magic back? Cuz that worked so _well_ for your mother," Damon spat angrily, trying to get a rise out of him. Anything to distract him.

But Kol had never liked his mother very much. She had been a remote memory for so long that when she had finally extinguished, there had been no regrets, no old wounds.

He only ever wanted to live in the here and now. That was the only consolation.

"On the contrary," Kol replied, in complete nonchalance. "It worked quite well seeing as she is dead."

Damon swallowed thickly. He began to feel a tightening in his chest and it was not the knife.

"And really, Damon, I thought you were a bit brighter than that. All that sarcasm must be a cover-up. Why would I want to enable a Bennett witch? If she is Shane's secret weapon, I am going to finish her off, naturally."

Damon growled, trying to set himself free, but only managed to dig the knife in deeper. White, hot rage consumed him. He wanted to rip Kol's heart out and squeeze every last ounce of blood from it. But if he let his anger cloud his judgment, he might make matters worse.

Schooling his features into disdain, he scoffed:

"What kind of moron are you? Killing a witch is the _last_ thing you want to do. If you think she can wake up Silas, then you obviously realize she can put him back to sleep, don't you? No wonder you're scared of some legend. You haven't even thought this through. Face it, _kid_, you're out of your depth."

"Mummy" might not have worked on Kol. But pride certainly did. His nostrils flared in anger and his lopsided smile turned into a scowl.

"Careful, Damon. I might slip and kill you, all the same. _Kids_ are prone to making mistakes."

Damon saw his own hands move against his will. He felt the knife's tip scratch his very heart. Every beat was like a step closer to the blade and it made him want to stop it altogether. It made him want to finish the job himself. The tension was unbearable. It was like having your heart pulled out only halfway and then abandoned midair, like a trophy, an artefact in a museum.

"Do you feel that?" Kol asked, kneeling down to his height. "_That_ is the split-second before you die. It is, literally, your last moment. And it is a luxury often taken for granted. Its brevity is a blessing. Imagine having to live in this moment for... an eternity."

Damon felt every atom of his being revolt in fear and dread at the idea. His hands tightened around the handle but there was nothing he could do. It was pure torture, to be so close to ending his pain and yet so far.

He inhaled sharply and closed his eyes. He just wanted it to end. But Kol was bent on keeping him this way, between life and death; the most miserable state.

"This is nothing, however, compared to what Silas will do to you, to all of us," Kol added, his voice no longer playful.

Damon met his gaze, begrudgingly, but what he saw disturbed him more than any of his threats and games. There, underneath the facade, he witnessed the purest form of terror. The most unsettling part was that he knew the same terror was reflected in his eyes.

"And the cure?" Damon asked hoarsely. "You don't want it?"

"Didn't I already tell you I have no reason to stop being an immortal?"

"Not...not for you."

Kol raised an eyebrow, amused. "Go on."

Damon struggled to speak, feeling the rasp of the blade every time. "Easier to - to get rid of _humans _than Originals."

Kol chuckled. "So you would have me turn my beloved family into mere mortals. I'll admit, you're not all dull, Damon."

Damon almost smiled in return. He didn't know if he could take it any longer. He felt his heart was going to give up soon.

"What about you?" Kol asked. "Don't tell me you really want the cure for Elena?"

Damon remained silent, avoiding his prying eyes.

"Face it, you fancy her more now than when she was human. And she's more partial to you as a vampire, isn't she? Give her back her humanity and she will flee into your brother's arms without a look back."

Damon shook his head.

"It's - it's not about that."

"Oh, right, of course, it's about giving Elena a chance at a normal life, away from all this blood and debauchery. How _cavalier_."

Damon snorted, trying to distract himself from the ache in his chest. "I'd say that boat sailed a long time ago."

"But we both know the truth," Kol continued, undeterred. "We both know you'd much rather get rid of that "normal life". You'd rather she stayed this way."

"Which means," he added slyly, "you wouldn't mind getting rid of our little hunter."

Damon scoffed, looking away in distaste.

"Tell me the thought hasn't crossed your mind, then. Tell me you haven't considered it. Because I will know you are lying."

Damon gritted his teeth and remained silent, but something about his eyes, something about the curl of his lip betrayed him.

Kol frowned, tilting his head sideways.

"Well, well, well, it seems you really _do_ want Jeremy dead. And here I thought you'd at least put up a fight."

Damon scowled. "Does the kid annoy me? Sure. Is he a moron? No question about it. But why would I want him dead? He's Elena's only family."

"Yes. That's why you_ shouldn't_ want him dead. And yet - you wouldn't mind it all that much, would you? Despite your precious doppelganger."

Suddenly, Kol grabbed his chin roughly and forced him to look up.

Damon saw the Original's pupils dilate as he stared into his eyes.

"So tell me, Damon Salvatore, why are you so eager to let little Gilbert kick the bucket?"

Damon wrestled with the words bubbling up in his throat, but it was pointless, by now, to put up a fight.

"S-She loves him. She still loves him. And I - I can't stand it."

Kol blinked in surprise. "Surely you can't mean his sister."

Damon inhaled sharply, trying to clamp his mouth shut. But it wouldn't do.

"Bonnie. B-Bennett."

Kol's eyebrows rose considerably. "The Bennett witch?"

Damon tried to pull his chin away, but Kol seemed intent on keeping eye-contact.

"So that's why you were so keen on keeping her alive! It all makes sense now!" Kol exclaimed in delight at the unexpected discovery.

"Oh, this is rather fun! I had no idea you were mixing with her kind."

"I can't blame you, though," he added, smirking knowingly. "Have you ever drunk from a dying witch? There isn't a better taste in the world. You see, there is a moment, right before they perish, when the final stroke of magic leaves their body and you can literally taste it in their blood. It's quite _vivid_."

Damon groaned as he tried to move his hands from the knife once more. Kol was standing right next to him and yet he couldn't touch him.

"Oh, don't make a fuss, darling. It's rather painless. She might even enjoy it."

"If you touch her -"

"Oh, I _will_ touch her. Be sure of that. I told you, you must learn to _share_."

"She is _mine_," Damon growled, eyes ablaze.

Kol raised an eyebrow in interest.

"Is that so? The more incentive to drop by."

"Then you'd better hope I never find you because I will _end_ you."

"Tisk, tisk. Sensitive subject, I see. You must be quite attached to her. A terrible mistake on your part, really. The doppelganger is already your weakness. And you've just provided me with another."

"Why don't you fight me like a man and find out just how _weak_ I am?" he spat acidly.

"What? And miss all this drama? Not for the world. I haven't had this much fun since 1848. And that was one insane year."

"Oh, do tell," Damon drawled bitterly.

"I would, I really would, but I'm afraid we've run out of time. With each passing moment, we are one step closer to finding the cure and I simply can't have that. Have no fear, though. I believe you'll enjoy this little game of ours."

With a sudden movement, Kol drew out the knife from Damon's chest.

The Salvatore brother exhaled in relief. His hands were still stuck in a praying position where the knife had previously been.

"I don't wish to be unfair. So, I will give you a choice, Damon Salvatore."

"Choice? What choice?"

"I thought it would be obvious. I cannot let them live. Jeremy and Bonnie, that is. At least, I can't allow for the _both_ of them to carry on. So the choice is simple; either I compel you to kill the hunter...or I compel you to kill the witch."

Damon's eyes widened as the full extent of his words sank in.

"You can't-"

"Actually, I _could_ spare myself this trouble and make the choice for you. But I am giving you this chance. Use it wisely, Damon."

"Why should I believe you? You'll make me forget, either way," he spat.

Kol grinned. "Proven wrong, I see. You're quite sharp."

"So why are you making me choose?"

"Because that's the whole point, you silly goose! It's a _game_! And I adore games. I thrive on them."

Damon was at a loss for words. He stared blankly ahead, trying in vain to summon the courage to do the right thing. Problem was, there was no "right" in his current predicament.

"You have my word I won't go back on it. Once you've chosen, I won't change it. A game's no fun without rules. "

Damon felt cold sweat trickle down his forehead.

"So what will it be? Will you go after Jeremy and break Elena's heart? Or will you kill the witch you so fondly call yours?"

Damon knew this was an impossible choice, which is why Kol had come up with it. Whatever he chose, he would make someone suffer. And if he chose to go after Jeremy, Bonnie would never forgive him either because she was in love -

"Time is ticking away, darling. Make a choice. _Now_."

But in the end, it wasn't quite so hard.

* * *

Bonnie was pacing the interrogation room up and down, trying to calm her nerves.

It was not working.

She was still reeling with the double discovery of Shane's agenda and his crimes. He was an insane murderer who wanted to bring back the dead. And she had trusted him with her magic.

"You're saying if I help you raise Silas you can bring my grams back? Don't play on my guilt, Shane."

"I'm not playing on anything," Shane told her serenely. "This is the truth. You told me what happened. Your reckless use of magic is the reason-"

"_Don't_."

"-is the reason those spirits are torturing her on the Other Side," he continued undeterred.

"Don't," she repeated angrily.

"Hurting her again and again and again."

"I said don't!" she bellowed at him, making him falter.

A sudden wave of magic hit his body and his hand started contorting painfully, as the bones inside it cracked and broke.

"Aaaarghhh! My hand!"

Bonnie looked on nonchalantly. It was as if her powers were a separate entity, focused solely on hurting him.

"You c-can't stop, can you? All this power that you're feeling - you actually l-like it, don't you?"

A wicked smirk sprawled across her face as she watched him scream in agony. He was finally getting what he deserved.

"Bonnie! What are you doing?"

Her father stood frozen in the doorway, shocked at the sight of his daughter's cruelty. The howls erupting from Shane's mouth did nothing to appease her.

"Get out of here," she barked at him in a voice that wasn't her own.

Throwing the glass of water on the floor, she lit a fire across the room, barring her father's way.

"Bonnie, stop!"

"You can't reason with her, mayor. She's lost control," Shane warned him, standing against the wall so the fire wouldn't reach him.

"Bonnie? Baby? Baby, please," her father tried again, his expression softening.

Bonnie watched him intently, but did not respond.

"Do something!" mayor Hopkins shouted angrily at Shane.

The Professor smiled to himself as he realized this was the perfect opportunity to test her progress.

"Bonnie," he began carefully. "Bonnie, look at me."

Her eyes found his by instinct.

"Now take a deep breath," he continued with the words she knew so well. "I'm right here with you. You are strong. You are focused. You are in complete control. You know what you have to do. _Take back what is yours_."

A single image broke through her walls; a path in the forest and Elena holding a hand over Damon's shoulder.

"Take back what is yours," he repeated firmly.

The practiced mantra took control over her. The fire quickly died down.

"That's it, that's it."

The fire disappeared completely and so did the pain in his hand.

Shane smiled in satisfaction.

One small tear escaped her eyelashes and rolled down her cheek. She knew what she was capable of. There was no going back.

Without looking at Shane or her father, she walked out of the room, intent on doing what she was meant to; take back what was rightfully hers.

* * *

"If you still want the cure and your brother in one piece, you'd better come and stop him yourself. Otherwise, Jeremy and I will have to kill him," Elena told Stefan through the phone.

"Where are you right now?"

"The underground tunnels, but I've lost track of them. If my brother dies, I'm taking yours out."

"Wait- "

With that, she hung up on them.

Rebekah smiled ruefully as she gave him his phone back.

"She's quite something, isn't she? I bet you still think the girl you love is in there somewhere."

"I - I have to keep hoping."

"Why? Face it, Stefan, you can't force yourself to love her like this. The Elena you loved is gone."

"She didn't give up on me."

"No, she didn't. In fact, she had your brother to comfort her."

Stefan's nostrils flared.

"Indulge in your little fantasy, if you will. For now, though, you'd better do as she says. We don't want to lose our hunter."

* * *

"Damon, stop! Please! Please, try to stop!" Jeremy pleaded desperately. "Think of what you're doing!"

Damon came out of the shadows, eyes devoid of reason. "I told you to kill me when you had the chance."

"I know this isn't you! I know you want to fight the compulsion!" Jeremy continued, holding the gun in front of him. "Not for me, I know you don't care much about me. But do it for Elena. You care about her, don't you? You love her."

A small spark shone in his eye at the sound of her name. It was an echo of a distant memory. It was gone in the next moment and he took a step closer to him.

"And y-you care about S-Stefan too, don't you?" the boy added, hands shaking.

Damon kept walking.

"And Alaric? Or - or Bonnie?"

The vampire abruptly looked up, as if he had recognized the name.

_Bonnie..._

He paused midstep. He felt as if he had forgotten something important.

"The witch...Kol..." he mumbled under his breath.

"Damon?"

"The Bennett witch."

Jeremy frowned, confused. "Bonnie?"

Damon couldn't shake her off. There was something important he needed to remember about her. Something to do with Kol and danger.

"Kol...is going to kill her," he realized, at length.

"Who?"

"Bennett...witch...danger," Damon rambled on. "I have to protect -"

"Bonnie is in danger?" Jeremy asked concerned, lowering his gun.

But Damon was too weak not to take advantage of this opening and he pulled the weapon from his hands, throwing it away.

Before he could blink, Jeremy was tackled to the ground.

At the last moment, Stefan Salvatore arrived at the scene and broke them apart.

He struggled to keep Damon away from Jeremy, but seeing no other way, he broke his brother's neck, incapacitating him temporarily.

* * *

"Easy there, buddy."

Damon blinked as the ceiling slowly came into view and the blurry mess standing over him turned into his brother.

Every muscle in his body ached. Every breath made him groan.

He lifted his head from the ground with some difficulty and met his eyes.

"Stefan."

"You lost a lot of blood."

Raising himself on his elbows, Damon scowled at the state of his wound.

"So you _bled_ me out?"

"Well, I didn't have much a choice. Kol's compulsion is still in effect. So, you need to stay locked up. We don't have any vervain...so, this was the only way I could weaken you."

Damon coughed, wiping the blood from his forehead.

"I'm sure you're all torn up about it," he quipped.

Stefan sighed. "Whatever our differences, I'm not here to punish you. It isn't your fault Elena's...the way she is."

Damon thought he was talking about the sire-bond.

"But you still resent me for it. Because it always comes down to me somehow," he replied bitterly.

Stefan looked away. He couldn't deny it altogether. If Damon had been there that night, Elena might not have switched off.

He still remembered Damon's words. _One casualty can be covered up, but what if I had screwed your ex-girlfriend?_

He hated his brother for making him choose between murder and cheating. He hated him for making him feel selfish and small for choosing the former.

He hated him for making him doubt Elena. Because if he _had_ been there that night, Elena might have slept with-

"We need to go after Kol. Make him de-compel me," Damon interrupted his train of thought.

"Oh, right, cuz that'll be a piece of cake. In fact, I'm sure he'll offer to do it himself."

"_Fine_. What else do you have in mind? Because I can't stay locked in here-"

"Well, you have to. Otherwise you're gonna go off on another murder spree and I might not be able to stop you. And who knows who you'll end up hurting next time. It might be Jeremy, it might be anyone else standing in your way."

Damon sighed, resting back on the floor, exhaustion and blood loss taking its toll on him.

"I can't let you out. Not until we find the cure."

"I get it. And...Elena? Is she okay?"

Stefan smiled bitterly. "She's more than okay."

"Tell her - tell her I'm sorry. Tell her I'll be fine."

"I don't think it'll make much of a difference, but sure. Any other requests?" he drawled, getting up.

"Yes. Bonnie."

Stefan scrunched his eyebrows in confusion.

"Bonnie?"

"Kol is after her. He knows she can unlock the cure. He wants her dead."

"How...?"

"He compelled it out of me."

Stefan crouched over his brother and studied his face carefully.

"What else did you tell him?"

"I don't know. I only remember telling him about Bonnie."

Stefan nodded his head absently.

"Please," Damon began, coughing up. "Let me see her."

Stefan looked down at him in shock.

"I need to see her."

"You need to see _Bonnie_?"

"Don't worry. She won't let me out. She'll know it's for the best. I just need to see her."

"Why?"

"I need to know she's all right."

"I can make sure she's-"

"_No_. I need to see her. I can't explain it."

Stefan would have wanted to ask more questions, but Damon persisted, so he took out his phone and dialed her number.

She answered on the third ring. Apparently, she had been looking for him too.

* * *

Stefan ran into her on her way out. She was going home.

He had been torn between seeing her and passing by unnoticed and he was almost glad the choice had been made for him.

"He's going to be fine, in case you were wondering. He'll just have to stay locked up in the cellar for a while. You can't go in there, though, since you're..." he trailed off, uneasy.

"Sired is the word you're looking for," Elena replied coolly. "Tell me, did you bleed him dry?"

"There was no other _way_."

"Of course there wasn't."

"Elena..."

"It's fine. It makes things easier for me."

"Easier?"

"I don't even really have to break him. You'll do it for me. You both will. As long as I'm here, you'll always hate each other."

Stefan swallowed thickly. He had prepared himself for something like this, but it still hurt, every single time, because it was true.

"You know, you once told me you would never turn into Katherine."

Elena smiled, shaking her head sadly.

"And I haven't. She would have chosen you."

"You don't mean that."

"Sure I do. You just don't believe me because you've never seen me like this; not in love with you."

Stefan pushed past her, trying to keep it together until he reached his room.

"Send my greetings to Rebekah," she called after him.

She paused at the door and looked back towards the stairs. He was gone. A sigh threatened to escape her lips but she swallowed it and buried it deep down.

There was no point in feeling. She didn't want to think about him. She wanted to erase him completely. She wanted to erase the both of them from her mind and heart.

Dispelling these thoughts, she swung the door open and was met face to face with none other than Bonnie Bennett.

They both looked equally surprised to see each other.

"Bonnie...what are you doing here?" Elena asked, caught off-guard.

"Elena. I - Stefan called me."

"Did he?"

"I came as soon as I heard. Is he-?"

"Jeremy's fine. No major damage."

"And Damon?"

Elena smiled. "You can check for yourself. It's why you came, isn't it?"

Bonnie stiffened. "He asked to see me. That's all."

Elena raised an eyebrow. "Well, that's new."

Bonnie remained silent. She was sure that encouraging this new Elena was like baiting a wild beast to come out.

"Are you going let me in?" she asked, at length, in a tone that indicated she was done explaining herself.

Elena silently moved aside and let her pass.

The witch looked over her shoulder one last time as the door closed on Elena. Their eyes met briefly, but it was enough for Bonnie to remember what Shane had told her:

_Take back what is yours._

* * *

Lying in bed at home, Elena opened her diary to a blank page and started writing a list; a list which she had been meaning to write for a while.

_Death List Four__:_

_1. Kol Mikaelson_

_2. Rebekah Mikaelson_

_3. Elijah Mikaelson_

_4. Klaus Mikaelson_

She already felt she could scratch number one. After all, Klaus himself had promised her he would take care of him.

But she resisted that temptation.

It was enough for now. Killing the Originals one by one would give her life purpose. It would make up for their countless murders and bloodshed. It would make up for her own.

If any act could redeem her, it would be this.

* * *

Bonnie stopped at the cellar door and called out to him.

"Damon? Are you in there?"

Her voice woke him up with a start. He had almost dozed off.

He struggled to lift his head in order to see her face through the bars.

There she was; olive skin, dark hair, glowing eyes, full lips. She had never looked more beautiful to him. He knew it was ridiculous, to find her so bewitching at a time like this and in such a place. But maybe these particular circumstances indulged this fiction, because for a second there, he almost believed her beauty could somehow fix him.

But the word was not right. It wasn't her beauty that would fix him. It was something within and beyond her. Something that had made him tell Kol she was his.

"Bonnie."

"Are you okay? You look awful."

He smiled. Trust her to see the bright side of things.

"I've...had better days."

"Why are you lying down?"

"I'm reacquainting myself with the floor, what do you think?"

Bonnie sighed in relief. Sarcasm meant he was fine.

"Do you really have to stay in here of all places? It's not exactly...homey."

"Well, doctor's orders. Plus, I can't leave. I'm still compelled, so I have to stay put."

"I'm sure you could stay put in any other room in this house."

"Nope. This is the only place that will hold me down."

Bonnie frowned, as if she didn't believe that, as if she didn't want to think he was stronger than his compulsion.

"Are you bleeding?" she asked, standing on her toes to get a better look at him.

"Don't worry about it, just lost a lot of blood."

"I'll get you a pack."

"Don't bother; the freezer's empty. I can smell it from here."

Bonnie groaned, leaning her head against the bars.

"So I can't even help you."

"Why would you want to do that?"

"Well, you're the one who wanted to see me."

"You think I called you here so you can mother me?"

"Then tell me."

"I - I needed to know you were okay. I was sort of worried Kol might have gotten to you."

"Kol?"

"He's going to come after you, Bonnie."

"What-"

"He told me. He knows that you can help us find the cure. And he won't stop until he gets to you and I'm locked up in here so I can't protect you-"

"Okay, slow down. You don't have to protect me. I can take Kol on my own. He won't be able to hurt me."

"Bonnie, I know you like to think your magic's getting better, but this is an Original -"

She sighed, brushing the hair out of her face.

"Trust me, I can take him down. I've discovered that today."

"Right, I don't care if you've got all those one hundred witches back in you, he's still a psychopath who will stop at nothing to get what he wants-"

"Look, he won't get anything out of me, okay?! I promise, I won't let him."

"And I promise to fix cancer. Doesn't mean I'll make it happen."

"Damon, I'm serious."

"So am I!"

"Then what would you have me do? Stay here with you until Kol accidentally falls on the White Oak Stake and dies?"

Damon chuckled. "That's actually not such a bad idea."

"Why do you care so much, anyway? Why do you want to protect me so badly?"

"I thought we'd already established that," he replied evenly.

She scoffed. "Bennett witches might be rare, but they're not extinct."

Damon rolled his eyes impatiently.

"You know damn well that's not why."

He almost managed to stand up, before he collapsed from the effort once more and rolled on the floor, in a fit of coughing.

"What happened?" she asked in alarm.

"Nothing, just me trying to break a few more bones."

"That's it, I'm coming in," she said, pulling on the latch.

Damon's eyes widened. "Like hell you will! Do _not_ open that door, Bonnie."

"I won't let you out. But I can't just stand here and watch you fall apart."

"Sure you can. Bring some popcorn and make yourself at home."

"You know I don't enjoy seeing you suffer."

"That's debatable."

She pulled the final lock and pushed open the heavy metal door.

Damon was crouched in a corner, hardly able to move, much less to escape.

She shut the door behind her quickly.

"Great. Lock yourself in with a vampire. I'm sure that will pan out well."

"Oh, shut up. You're harmless. I don't even need magic," she said, kneeling down next to him. "I could probably nudge you and you'd fall over."

He turned to her and let his tired eyes rest on the soft lines of her face.

For a brief moment, balance was restored.

She placed a cool hand on his forehead, soothing his burning headache. Then she took out some napkins and carefully rubbed off the blood stuck to his temples.

"You're in worse shape than I thought."

"It's fine... I just need to get my strength back."

"I know," she said, rolling back her sleeve.

Damon stumbled back in shock. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Giving you what you need. Come on, you'll starve otherwise."

He shook his head vehemently.

"No. No way. I wouldn't be able to control myself in this state."

Bonnie rolled her eyes.

"I wouldn't be offering unless I knew I could make you stop."

"You can't-"

"Yes, I can. Will you just trust me?"

"I trust you, but I don't trust myself."

"You don't have to. Just stop thinking about it. Just do it," she persisted, taking out a hair clip and scratching her palm with it.

Having blood offered to him so freely undid him. When his teeth sank into her skin, she let her head fall back and released a sigh.

She knew this would only indulge the Expression, but she reasoned that it was more important, for now, to help Damon.

The sensation was a mixture of pleasure and pain she had become accustomed to.

As her blood slowly breathed life back into him, he grew bolder and stronger and he pulled her closer to him, his hands moving across her skin with something akin to impatience, as if the act of drinking was preventing him from doing other things.

Bonnie breathed in sharply, trying to stay focused. It was becoming increasingly distracting and pleasant.

"Okay, stop. That's enough," she told him when she no longer felt capable of losing more blood. Her vision was becoming blurry.

But he moaned into her mouth and continued to drink, regardless.

Shaking her head, she pulled her hand away and pushed him on his back with a wave of magic.

Damon thought he saw stars. Nothing ever beat warm blood from the vein.

He licked his lips and savoured the sweet taste on his tongue.

A sudden need to grab her and sink his teeth into her again almost overwhelmed him, but he stopped himself when he remembered what Kol had told him: _You see, there is a moment, right before they perish..._

He shuddered in disgust and anger at the thought of almost taking her life.

All the blood she could give him was worthless if he didn't have _her_. Her as a whole. Her as everything.

"Why - why are you doing this? Why do you care so much?"

"I thought we'd already established that," she replied, echoing his words with a smile.

His hand reached her face and cupped her cheek.

"I'm sorry I tried to kill Jeremy. I'm sorry we argued - I knew you were right."

Bonnie shook her head.

"It wasn't your fault. You never meant to hurt him. You were compelled."

"That's not exactly true. I might've been compelled, but Kol was right; I _want_ to hurt him."

"Why?"

Damon raised an eyebrow. "You really can't tell?"

Bonnie frowned. "Not unless you tell me."

He sighed. "Come on. You, him, fuzzy feelings."

Bonnie doubled up. "You think - you think I'm in love with him?"

"Well, aren't you? You said it yourself, you know how it feels to chase a Gilbert."

"Yeah, I know what I said but I would be a hypocrite to continue thinking that after I slept with you."

Damon raised himself in a sitting position.

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying, I don't sleep around. And I don't kiss people randomly. I only do it if it means _something_ to me. And it obviously meant something since I didn't regret it, even when I should have."

Damon sucked in a breath.

"I'm saying that I didn't feel for Jeremy what I feel now. Whatever this is, I'm not going to deny it anymore. I can't. And I don't care if it doesn't make any sense. I don't even care if you don't feel the same-"

She wasn't able to finish her big confession, however.

He had pulled her to him and crashed his mouth on hers, burying one hand in her hair and locking the other around her waist, making sure she couldn't escape him.

Bonnie was so startled she opened her mouth and allowed him entrance.

But she quickly found her footing again and kissed him back with the same need. She did not even mind that she could taste her blood on his tongue.

In fact, she found she even liked it.


	13. Chapter 13

_Well, I'm back to a somewhat normal length, thank God. Otherwise I don't know how I would have updated. I know it's another late one, but I'm in the middle of exams so I am writing this while revising. I know that's not exactly wise, but I'd feel too bad not to update this regularly since I love this story so much._

_This chapter's for **A View To Kill.** And I have to admit, it wasn't a bad one. We got a lot of Bonnie and family interaction and just Bonnie being plain awesome, Expression or no Expression. I also liked the other subplots. Of course, I punched my pillow in anger several times after Kol's death, but you can't have everything, can you?_

_Sigh, he was brilliant. Moving on._

_I love how this fanfic has become our comfort, our go-to guilty pleasure after each episode and I want to thank you all again for being so immensely supportive of this insane attempt of mine and for not giving up on me or this story. Your reviews light up my day and make me forget that college is still not over._

_Anonymous reviewers, here we go: **Casper** - it was a bit of a risk I was taking, exchanging Elena's lines with Stefan's, but I felt it was necessary since in my story, she's the one undergoing this big change, not Stefan. However, this doesn't change the fact that Stefan slept with Rebekah, so obviously her words got to him in a way that made him want to let go, if only for one night. Remember that in a previous chapter, Stefan said he would help her get her humanity back even if he stopped loving her. I'm happy you think her evolution weighs more and that she appears consistent :) As for that last line, it was meant to be alarming and confusing, and you'll see a continuation of that in this chapter. Oh and I'm happy to answer each reviewer because we get to dissect fiction which is the best :); **amanda melo** - that's very kind of you, thank you:) I hope Julie leaves this show soon and lets someone with a fresh perspective take over; **Guest(1)** - Very honoured you'd much rather read my version than watch the show. I hope it makes sense without watching the episode because I don't incorporate everything, in any case, thank you:); **Guest(2)** - more Bamon coming right away:), **Heleana220** - happy you enjoyed it:) Bamon really is amazing, I mean it practically writes itself. Expect more in the new chapter:); **Guest(3)**: you're awesome too, thank you:); **Guest(4)**: glad you liked the final scene but confessions are not over yet :) you'll understand when you read the new chapter:); **Jeannetta** - haha, wait till you get to chapter 8 :) the message deleted scene was a favorite of mine as well; **skye **- wow, that is a spot-on description of Elena right now._

_That being said, I leave you with the new chapter. Enjoy and make sure you share your thoughts in the reviews!_

_P.S.: Rebekah is practically absent from this chapter. I loved the scenes between her and Stefan and their little 80s dance, but I'm afraid I had no time and space for her. Mostly, I had nothing to add. Hope you don't mind, but the story's still centred on Damon and Bonnie, with a smaller interest in Elena and Stefan. Rebekah will probably turn up soon, though._

* * *

This was the second time he was waking up with her by his side. But it didn't feel like the second time. It felt like the first time all over again. Despite the fact that they had spent all night talking, he woke up with the same feeling of deep intimacy, as if they had been stark naked.

Half her body was in his lap, but the weight was soothing, as if he had someone to keep him in place, someone who wouldn't allow him to run away.  
And he realized, she had done just that. He hadn't felt the urge to kill Jeremy all night.

He heard Bonnie's muffled groan as she moved against his body to find a better position to rest.

He had pulled a rug under them earlier, but she couldn't have been very comfortable, either way.

Damon hadn't planned on her staying; nor had she.

But they had discovered they were both quite spent. After hours of talking, they finally fell into each other, exhausted.

She hadn't even questioned what would happen if she let her guard down next to a compelled vampire and he himself hadn't even indulged the notion that he might harm her. They weren't being reckless; they had simply stopped caring at that point, because they had shared too much to worry about this too.

Damon had told himself he would think about it in the morning.

Well, now it was morning and he had _no_ idea what he was supposed to do.

Her presence there made it impossible to think about the future. He liked how things were, he didn't want to change them. He liked their bickering, he liked her anger, he liked their passion, but he didn't want to dwell on long-term. Maybe because there was no long-term for him. Maybe because he couldn't erase who he was, who he had been for over a century. So many years had gone by, so much had happened, he had lived two lives and neither of those lives had made any room for change. How would now be any different? How could this even exist, this bond between them? How could they function together?

He was the broken shell of the person he used to be.

What could he possibly bring to a... well, relationship was too much. It seemed wrong. They were different.

What _were_ they anyway?

The verb didn't suit them. They weren't supposed to _be_. They were supposed to _do_.

They had been doing plenty of things lately and they hadn't really stopped to think about it.

But then again, maybe that was better. They didn't have to know _why _they were doing these things as long as it felt good. Bonnie had said so herself; she knew it didn't make sense, but here they were.

Resting his chin on her head, he kissed the top of her hair. Somehow it didn't matter right now.

They would figure it out, whatever this was. They had bigger problems, anyway.

Tapping his fingers lightly against her spine, Damon breathed into her ear:

"Wake up, little witch."

She stirred slightly.

"Time to face the music."

Bonnie turned away from his voice, still half-asleep.

Damon chuckled. He pulled up her chin and kissed her softly.

Her eyes blinked open as their lips touched.

She pulled away and smiled drowsily.

"Your lips are chapped," she informed him matter-of-factly.

"Yeah well, your hair looks like a bird's nest," he replied, sticking out his tongue.

She slowly disentangled herself from him and ran a hand through her locks.

"Wow, I feel sore everywhere..." she mumbled, rubbing her neck.

"Funny, you said the same thing last time we woke up together," he quipped, smirking.

Bonnie made a face.

"Hey, you walked straight into that one."

"I did, didn't I?"

She got up shakily, flexing her benumbed arms. "Last time I'm sleeping on the floor."

"Yeah, you and me both," he commented, leaning against the wall. "I prefer your bed."

Bonnie looked around the cellar in dismay. "Somehow, it looks worse than last night."

"I don't know, I think it's got its charm," Damon replied, watching her as she stood in the middle of the room. She seemed to give off a soft glow that surrounded the room in a golden halo, but it wasn't just her natural beauty. The Expression no longer wanted to stay hidden, and Damon had no way of knowing that, as Bonnie had skillfully avoided the topic during their talk the previous night and had given him only scant details about her newfound powers. She had certainly omitted the part where she had almost fried Shane alive. But she had not left out, to Damon's immense satisfaction, the part where she had discovered how crazy the man really was.

"I'm glad you're finally seeing him for the asshole he actually is."

"Oh, shut up, you didn't know better. You only had theories. And most of your resentment was personal."

"Actually..."

He went on to share with her his own knowledge of Professor "Shady Pants".

"And you never got to telling me this earlier because...?"

"I tried to, but you wouldn't give me a chance. You were really defensive about him. Plus, we were in a fight. Well, we're _always_ in a fight, but you got the point."

In the end, they had both agreed jail was the best place for him.

"What are you thinking about?" Bonnie asked, interrupting his train of thought.

"Oh, you know, the usual; how to put down the idiots in this town while locked in my own cellar."

Bonnie chuckled. "Well, Shane's taken care of."

"Yeah, one less sociopath to worry about. Now what do we do about the one left?"

Bonnie sized him up. "I don't know, I wouldn't call you a sociopath. Just very immature."

"Ha ha. You must think you're _hilarious_."

"Well, you walked straight into that one," she quipped.

Damon was going to miss this light banter.

"Hey, what's wrong?" she asked, concern etched across her face.

He had turned away from her and was holding his palms against the wall, almost as if he were trying to push his way out.

"Uh, you need to leave. I'm - I'm getting my strength back and I'm - I think I'm trying to get out. I'm already thinking about ways to kill Jeremy."

Bonnie bit her lip. "Are you gonna be okay?"

"Peachy," he mumbled, feeling half his body protesting against the other as he made to sit down again.

"I'm gonna check in on you later, okay?"

"I don't suppose you could stay at the board house."

"My place is safer. Kol's not invited, remember? Plus, dad's called me over twenty times... I really have to talk to him. He's probably worried."

"Ouch..."

"Yeah, I'm not looking forward to it. He's being annoyingly over-protective. Remind you of anyone?"

"Oh, I'm already liking your dad. Tell him I approve."

"I'm sure he'll be thrilled to know he's got the approval of a Salvatore."

Damon smirked to himself, wondering what Mayor Hopkins would say if he knew his perfect little daughter had slept with a vampire.

But other such amusing thoughts were dispelled when he realized Kol would be waiting for her.

"Wait. Before you go..."

He got up and started going through the crates along the walls. There was a lot of useless junk stored there, but it wasn't a cellar for nothing.

He found a small, dust-ridden bottle and uncorking it, bit into his wrist and let the red drops fall inside.

"What are you doing?" she asked in alarm. The sight of his blood stirred something deep inside her and she felt vulnerable, all of a sudden.

"I know you hate vampire blood and I know you still resent me for feeding you, but - if Kol or anyone else injures you and you need help right away, I wanna know I did my part."

"I can't -"

"It's for _healing_ purposes, okay? I'm not trying to turn you or some other crap like that. The last thing I need is you being undead."

Bonnie shook her head.

"I can't take that risk. If I ingest it and -"

"You'll only take it if you're critically injured, okay?"

He slipped the bottle in her hands and, much to her surprise, Bonnie felt her fingers coil around it effortlessly, as if she had no qualms about its contents.

Even her protestations were short-lived.

"I guess it can't hurt if I only..." she trailed off, eyeing it fearfully.

The dark red liquid shone through the dust and made her skin tingle.

"It's only a back-up plan. Think of it as a first-aid kit."

Bonnie nodded her head, stuffing the bottle inside her jacket.

"I can't stress this enough, but I need you to stay out of trouble, okay?"

Bonnie made a face. "Stop worrying. I've got this under control."

"You know I can't stop worrying and - yeah, I really hope so, Judgy."

He sounded so unlike himself, so un-Damon, that she almost smiled.

"Now go before I compel you to let me out...or anything else in between."

And he was back to Damon.

* * *

"Hey, Care, what's up?"

"Oh, thank God, Bonnie, I need your help. I'm running a bit late, could you go and see if there are enough balloons in the gym?"

"Are we hosting a clown convention?"

"I wish. Decade dance. But I'm totally swamped. I need my wing man. I tried Elena, but she's - she's being weird. I don't think she's ready to engage with the rest of us yet."

"She won't be for a while..."

"Has she really switched it off, Bon?"

"Seems like it. I don't buy it, though. I mean not even vampires can tune out emotions, but she's doing her best to prove us wrong."

"Yeah, well, she won't be able to keep it up for long, I should know... Listen, Bonnie, I know we never got to talk about your dad, but I'm here if you wanna let it out -"

"It's fine. _He_'s fine, he's just...dad and that means he's going to overreact to stuff. I'm actually kind of avoiding him now."

"Is that really a good idea?"

"No. But I need to clear my head before I face him."

"Why? What have you done?"

"N-Nothing, he's just worried about my powers."

"_Should_ he be worried?"

"...I'll head out to school to check on those balloons, yeah?"

"Bonnie."

"Not right now, Caroline. Please. I need time to figure this out."

"Fine. But don't expect me to drop it."

* * *

"Well, newsflash, the well-being of this town is not your job! It's _mine_ and I've been doing fine without you getting involved," Bonnie spat angrily as she marched down the corridor, pushing away balloon decorations.

Her dad really knew how to rile her up. Canceling the dance and reinstating curfew were only the beginning.

"You've been doing fine?! Would you like me to read you all the names of the people that have gone missing or died in tragic accidents in your senior year alone? Head straight home, please. We're having a family meeting."

"Dad -"

"No, Bonnie. I know you don't agree with me, but I think you owe me this after the stunt you pulled last night."

"Stunt? What are you-"

"I spent all night waiting for you to come home. The least you could do is show up."

Bonnie sighed, stifling a groan. He had a point. She had gone off to see Damon without even bothering to let him know where she was.

She had become so used to being on her own that checking in with an adult regularly was now something she would have to relearn.

Stuffing the phone back in her pocket, she decided she'd better do as told, when she was suddenly pushed up against the wall by a firm hand circling her neck.

"Well, well, aren't you a sight for sore eyes? I can see why Salvatore is so possessive of you."

Her back ached from the rough thrusting and she felt her pulse go haywire under his deft fingers.

Kol's black orbs scanned her from head to toe, sending a shiver down her spine. The Expression was tingling inside of her, ready to come out again. And she had the perfect opponent.

But the name Salvatore drew her attention.

_Damon_.

"What do _you_ know about that?"

"Oh, ask him yourself, darling. I'm not the messenger. I'm the executioner."

"You're making a mistake."

"I don't think so. See, they can't get to the cure if you're too _dead_ to find it, even if you are such a pretty little thing."

"Suit yourself."

The next moment, he was writhing on the floor, screaming in pain as his bones were being crushed repeatedly and every nerve in his body exploded.

* * *

Stefan sighed as he realized that, rejecting Elena Gilbert's call would only give her the satisfaction of knowing she had gotten to him.

He had just gone through a rough morning of post-sex regrets with an Original and talking another into babysitting his brother; he really did not need any more drama.

"If you've called to let me know how much you don't care about anything, then save your breath-"

"I need you to dagger Rebekah for me," she interrupted him coolly.

"Excuse me?"

"I wouldn't be asking, but you two seem to be close and she's got the last dagger. It seems like the logical solution."

"Why would you-"

"Jeremy's going to kill Kol. And I don't want Rebekah coming after us, plotting revenge. It's in your interest too. No hunter, no cure."

Stefan felt as if he'd been levelled to the ground. It was becoming a habit with her, as of late.

"And you just thought of springing this up on me _now_?"

"I wasn't sure about it before. But now I've got Klaus on my side so I'm feeling a bit more confident."

"_Klaus_?! What do you mean he's on your side?"

"It means we both want the same thing. Now, I know you can't dagger her yourself, but you can distract her long enough for Matt to do it."

"If I'm getting involved in this, I want to know exactly what -"

"Look, I don't have a lot of time on my hands, so any questions will have to wait. Safe to say, if we do this, Jeremy will have completed his mark."

"You mean if Jeremy kills Kol, he also kills all the vampires he's sired."

"Glad to see your mind's still in the game."

"That's thousands of vampires, Elena."

"Yeah, two birds with one stone. We get ourselves a hunter and the undead finally stay dead. Problem?"

"No... no problem. I'll do it."

"You sound reluctant. Don't screw this up."

"You're asking for my help, you're in no position to order me," he replied curtly.

"Maybe I'm not, but Klaus is. So make sure you don't piss him off."

"Wait, you still haven't told me what he has to do with-"

But she had already hung up.

* * *

Thirty seven. That's how many cracks in the ceiling Damon had counted so far. No matter how much he stared at it, though, he couldn't tune out Klaus' insufferable chatter. The man was bent on having a conversation and not even Damon's stubborn refusal to participate seemed to deter him.

His mind was too absorbed in thoughts about Bonnie, Jeremy, his brother, Elena... It had no room for an Original's temper tantrum.

But Klaus wanted something from him and the sooner he indulged him, the sooner he could go back to quietly dreading the fate of those he cared about.

"...and when I turned a room full of bar flies into vampires for Jeremy to slaughter, you let Kol kill them."

Damon raised himself on his elbows.

"First off, I didn't let Kol _do_ anything. If you wanna point fingers, why don't you take a look at yourself? You're the one with the brother problem, not me."

"Then whose great idea was it to saddle Jeremy with a conscience, hmm?"

"Oh, I'm _sorry_ I didn't want him to stake Elena in her sleep."

"Ah, yes, for the love of Elena..." Klaus trailed off, smiling to himself. "Tell me, do you think her new persona much improved?"

Damon glared at him. "It's an improvement as long as she's not dead."

"Because I confess her radical change is quite fetching. Katerina would have been proud."

"She's nothing like Katherine, never will be, sire bond or not," Damon spat in disgust.

"Sire bond?" Klaus echoed. "Oh, I nearly forgot. I suppose there's that too."

Damon looked up at him confused. "What do you mean- "

"Oh, you don't know!" Klaus exclaimed, a grin spreading across his face. "Either they haven't told you or you're too blinded by your devotion to her to see what she's done."

Damon raised himself in a sitting position.

"What are you talking about?"

"Come now. I'm sure you already know, deep down. I'm sure you've noticed. A girl like her wouldn't be able to stand all that guilt."

Damon felt his stomach drop.

He suddenly remembered those fatal words he had once told Bonnie:

_Oh, we do fight back, Bonnie. We do the next best thing; we switch off our humanity. When the guilt gets too much, we make it go away. It's so easy, you can't even sense it. You don't even remember what was before._

"No."

Klaus chuckled. "I'm afraid so."

"No."

"Think hard, Damon. Who is Elena Gilbert now? Is she the one you've known all along?"

"No. No, it can't be."

"Or can it? We always think our loved ones will never change."

"Why would she do this -"

"She's not meant to be a vampire, Damon. It's why she gave up her humanity. She's on a self-destruct mission."

It all made sense now. Her callous manner, her contradicting choices, her indifference, Stefan's anger.

"Stefan..."

"Is blaming you for this, you're right. Indirectly, of course, but it's enough to break all bonds of trust, isn't it? For one girl. One puny, simple-minded girl. Well, not so simple-minded anymore..." he trailed off with a wicked grin on his face.

Damon shut his eyes in pain.

"We need to find the cure. We need to find it fast. She can't stay like this."

"Ah. Spoken like a true man of action. Don't worry. We all want the same thing, for Elena to be human again. After all, not only will she turn into the sweet, kind imbecile she used to be, but your brother will finally have her back to himself. You must realize that is inevitable. Are you ready to give her up when the time comes?"

Damon stared at him with an undecipherable expression on his face.

There were many conflicting feelings inside of him, fighting for dominance, and nothing seemed right to him anymore.

"I - I want her to be human. I want her to have her life back."

"Without you in it?"

Damon felt the sharp stab of jealousy. What if Stefan took the cure too? What then?

It would mean a happily ever after for them. They could start a family, raise their children, grow old together and die in peace. Whereas he would still roam these parts with the memory of her loving gaze and warm lips on his.

He hesitated for a moment.

"Without me," he finished bleakly.

He loved her too much not to be selfless. He wanted her to be happy, first and foremost, even if that meant he would be out of the picture.

He'd always wanted that. He'd always been selfless with her. He wouldn't stop now.

Klaus hummed pensively.

"Well, I suppose I know now."

"Know what?"

"How she manages to overlook every horrific thing you've ever done. I assumed it was just willful ignorance or something pathological. But I suppose it's this idiotic nobility of yours."

Damon frowned, staring down at the cold-hard floor. He felt dizzy and there were too many cracks to count.

"It must be her greatest weakness; forgiving so easily," Klaus continued serenely. "But I suppose there'll be no more of that _now_."

They were both silent after that, but something kept tugging at Damon's conscience. Something was bothering him. Something Klaus had said.

"I don't want her to forgive me," he spoke, at length. "I don't want her to overlook them. That's not what I want. I want - I _need_ her to remember what I've done. I need her to keep me from doing it again. I -"

He shut his mouth, realizing whom he was opening up to.

Then, a second realization hit him like a hurricane.

He already had someone like that. He already had what he wanted.

He had Bonnie.

And what was worse, she was also what he _needed_.

* * *

"You've proven yourself to be a lovely host, Elena. And a far more interesting character than I had previously envisaged," Kol murmured as he took the glass she offered.

Elena rolled her eyes.

"Let's not play dumb. I'm only doing this for my brother. It's why I haven't put vervain in your drink."

Kol raised an eyebrow, amused.

"Brutal honesty only enhances your charm."

"Let's cut the pleasantries short. Make your case; tell me everything you know about Silas."

"So forceful and demanding. You need _me_, darling. Not the other way around."

"No, we need each other."

"I fail to see that, love."

Elena leant over the counter towards him. "Klaus was going to put you back in your coffin, did you know that? I made a deal with him. If you behave, you won't have to go down under."

Kol shook his head, smiling.

"You're lying."

"You're right. He was going to kill you."

The Original stood back, watching her with interest.

"You know, I never knew Katerina well, but you come a close second."

"Katherine likes to run away from things. I like to face them head on," Elena replied, staring into his eyes.

"I don't know, all you doppelgangers look alike to me, no pun intended."

"So, back to Silas."

"You really think you're in control, don't you, _little Petrova_? But you're just an inferior copy."

He hadn't seen the knife coming. With a swift motion, she plunged the blade into his palm, pinning his hand to the table.

"Aaargh!"

"I told you, I'm _not_ Katherine."

Kol wanted to raise his hand to take out the knife, but he found he was incapable to lift the blade. It had been soaked in vervain.

"Sorry, it's in the water system," Elena replied, shrugging her shoulders.

But he was still an Original and only one hand would do. He grabbed her by the neck forcefully and brought her face close to his.

"You will pay for this, you little Gilbert bitch!"

Elena almost flinched at his words, but did not betray her fear.

"If I do, Klaus will have your head."

Kol laughed bitterly.

"No, you're not Katherine. She would _never_ put her fate in Klaus' hands."

* * *

"Bonnie, where are you? I called like seventeen times. Kol is in our house. We need you."

* * *

Bonnie couldn't believe the nerve of her father; bringing Abby into this without even telling her. Some family meeting.

Two absentee parents suddenly wanted to right all the wrongs in one night. They were both ignorant of what she could do, of how strong she really was.

They didn't even seem to _care_.

All they cared about was proving how incapable she was of taking care of herself when most of her life she had done just that; she had been the responsible, mature adult who had never shrunk from her duties, despite their constant neglect.

But no, now she was reduced to a little girl again. Abby didn't think she could handle dark magic and her dad - her dad didn't think she could handle anything.

It drove her _insane_.

They had no idea who she was, what she could do. And being underestimated by her own parents really drove it home.

"You _don't_ understand. I don't belong to the spirits anymore. I've found a new way to practice. It's unconventional and even unpleasant sometimes, but I can control it. And I don't have to rely on _any_ of you to do it."

"You think that's the key? Independence?" her mother asked wanly.

"It's better than being punished by some vengeful creatures on the other side."

"They are not punish-"

"Like hell they aren't! I am done serving them. I belong to myself. I am free. And I am in complete control."

"That's not what Shane said," her father intervened.

"You're going to take his words over mine? The lunatic who killed twelve people?!"

"Witches have been talking, Bonnie. Your sense of freedom is only an illusion. This professor taught you dark magic, magic that feeds on you, magic you can't _handle_," Abby told her sternly.

"Just because you couldn't handle your own doesn't mean I can't handle mine!" Bonnie suddenly snapped.

Abby stared at her wide-eyed.

"Bonnie -"

"No, I'm done being told what to do! I'm strong enough to make my own choices. Jeremy has already sent me ten messages. He needs my help. And there's nothing you can do to stop me from going."

She turned away and started towards the door, but Abby suddenly lunged at her from behind and put her hand over her mouth.

Bonnie, however, hadn't let her guard down.

A powerful wave of magic hit Abby Bennett in the back and she collapsed on her knees, holding her hand in pain.

"I'm sorry, mother."

With that, she was gone.

* * *

Bonnie leant against the wall, listening in on the conversation happening inside.

Klaus was threatening to burn down the Gilbert home.

"And then, when you try to flee for your lives, I'll kill you both without blinking!" he spat angrily.

"We had a _deal_, Klaus. You were going to finish him off, either way, don't go back on it now," she heard Elena reply acidly.

"I was going to make him suffer on my own terms!"

"No, you weren't! You knew you had to put him down, there was no other way, and now you're angry that we got to him first."

Then Bonnie heard a scream - Jeremy's - as something was hauled across the room. It was a stake that had been meant for Elena.

Klaus wasn't playing anymore. He was livid. And he would have killed them had he had his way inside.

Bonnie took a deep breath, trying to calm her nerves. She wasn't exactly sure this would work. She had to be ready and she would have to act fast.

She'd only be allowed seconds to get the spell right.

Her hand suddenly moved to the pocket inside her jacket. She felt the small weight close to her heart.

Bonnie pulled out the small bottle.

She recalled what Shane had told her. The Expression fed on immortal blood. She had had Damon's blood in her system that night when she had first discovered this magic.

And she would have it now too, in order to defeat Klaus.

Without thinking much further, she threw back the bottle and drank its contents.

The blood tasted sweet and sour. It was electrifying.

She walked calmly inside the house.

"Jeremy, invite Klaus in."

* * *

"Would you stop pacing up and down the room?" Elena told her brother, irritation seeping into her voice. "It _will_ happen. Tell him, Bonnie."

The witch was sitting on the sofa motionless, completely exhausted from the blocking spell she had cast on Klaus. The Original was now stuck in the Gilbert living room and would remain there for a solid three days. They had retreated to the boarding house where they waited for Jeremy's Mark to be completed.

"It took time for Finn's line to die off. Remember? It'll work," she offered absently.

She wasn't particularly eager to see what would happen. She wasn't proud of herself, or of what they had done. For some reason, she had a bitter taste in her mouth, but she told herself that all she needed was a good night's rest.

"What if it doesn't?" Jeremy asked, midstep.

"Come on, where's that Gilbert optimism?"

Bonnie's head snapped so fast she was sure she had pulled a muscle.

Damon Salvatore was standing in front of them, his usual smirk in place.

She had nearly forgotten, in the midst of it all, that Kol was dead and the compulsion had, therefore, worn off.

His eyes first landed on Bonnie, who was closest to him. He hadn't noticed Elena's presence in the room as she stayed half-hidden in the shadows, so he felt no qualms in closing the distance between them and pulling her into in a hug.

He let out a sigh of relief as he held her body to him. Not until finally seeing her in person had he been completely sure she was still alive.

Bonnie was too shocked to speak. He had never been this open before.

The embrace was brief, but it elicited a gasp from Jeremy.

That is when Damon looked over Bonnie's shoulder and noticed Elena in the corner.

She had been watching them with interest from afar and there was a mischievous glint in her eye, as if they had supplied her with much needed knowledge.

"Elena..." Damon trailed off awkwardly, stepping away from Bonnie.

"Do I get a hug too?" she teased, smiling a small smile that reminded him of the girl he had fallen in love with. And for a moment there, he was ready to forget what Klaus had told him.

For a moment.

When she pulled his face to hers and kissed him fully on the lips, he realized the Original had been right.

They broke apart when someone came in through the front door.

Stefan.

Elena smiled ruefully. Perfect timing.

* * *

"Bonnie! Bonnie, stop!" he yelled after her as she walked further and further away from him.

"Go back inside, Damon. Jeremy's Mark will start acting up soon," she yelled angrily.

"Then come back with me!"

"No."

"Why not? Bonnie, this is ridiculous!"

"Just let me be! It's been a long day."

"Yeah and we started the morning together, remember? Or is that a distant memory now? Will you at least stop and talk to me?"

She kept walking.

Damon rolled his eyes. "You know I can catch you in half a second. Don't make me do that."

She sighed, shutting her eyes in frustration.

"Fine. Talk."

"I thought Kol had killed you, you know that? I worried like crazy. And now you're walking away?"

Bonnie avoided his eyes.

"Okay, if this needs to be said, fine. I care about you. I probably have feelings for you. Scratch that, I _do_ have feelings for you. Enough to feel like shit for an entire day because you were not there. Is that the confession you wanted?" he let out breathlessly.

"I don't want any confession. Just because I told you how I feel, doesn't mean you have to-"

"God, Judgy, I told you because I wanted to. Stop turning everything into argument."

"I'm not trying to pick a fight with you, Damon. I - I know you care. You've made it pretty obvious you do. I just can't do this right now."

"Can't do what?"

"_This_. This whole messed-up triangle. I'm not up for it. Maybe you and Stefan are better equipped."

"Bonnie, she kissed _me_ -"

"That's not the point, Damon. I'm not upset that you two kissed. I'm not in middle school. It's just that -"

"Just what?"

"I don't want to be someone's second choice. I don't want to be the back-up option. I don't want to be the girl you go to when she breaks your heart."

"You're not-"

"Oh, come on, Damon! You can't deny it! You might care a lot about me, but you know you _love_ her!"

Damon clenched his fists in frustration. He wanted to argue, to explain, to justify himself, but she was right - she was tragically right.

He was at a loss for words.

"Just as I thought."

"Bonnie..."

"Look, I get it. I'm not blaming you. I would be a moron if I did. I know how hard it is to get over someone. I know your feelings are strong. I don't expect them to just stop or fade away. That would be an insult to your character. I know all of that. Hell, I probably admire it. I guess - I guess I loved Jeremy less."

She chuckled. "It's so ironic how you were jealous of him. Guess he wasn't the problem."

"Either way," she continued, "you love her and I can't - I can't be in the middle of that. I've been the other girl before and it hurts, it really hurts."

Damon lowered his eyes. He knew exactly how much it hurt. He'd always been the second choice.

He took a step towards her.

"I'm - I'm trying to let her go. I need time."

Bonnie smiled in sadness. "You have to do it for yourself, not me. Do you really want to let her go?"

There it was again. The ill-fated question. Klaus' own words came back to him.

It had been so easy to tell him he would give her up for his brother. But giving her up altogether, giving her up for _himself_ - that, that was hard. Very hard.

Bonnie shook her head.

"It's fine. I understand."

"Bonnie -"

"I have to go. I'll check on Jeremy later. I just really have to be by myself right now."

"What about us?" Damon asked softly.

"We're good. We're...friends. Friends who care about each other. But I have to stop caring about you more than a friend."

She gritted her teeth, holding back the tears. She would certainly _not_ cry in front of him.

Damon grabbed her arm suddenly.

"I don't want that. I don't want to be just friends."

"Well, you can't have both," she said, pulling away. "You can't be involved with me and love her at the same time."

With that, she spun around and started walking away.

He wanted to call after her. He wanted to stop her. He wanted to find the right words to make her stay.

He wanted to tell her she was right; he couldn't have both. But the prospect of not having her was unthinkable.

He was trapped in an impossible predicament because he couldn't give either of them up.

_I want you. I need you. I can't do this without you._ Words which, unfortunately, applied to both women.


	14. Chapter 14

_I know, I know, it's Wednesday (well, nearly Thursday) and I'm only now updating. I think I've mentioned before that I'd be late, occasionally. This is one of those occasions. I hope no one's losing interest. It's just pretty damn hard updating weekly. Especially if you have a life going on. I'm more than happy to write, I just need some extra time._

_But I'm glad I got this out before the new episode. This one's for **Into The Wild **and it was one of the most difficult episodes to write for, because well, those who've seen it know what I'm talking about, Bamon-wise. _

_I hope I did a good job. I have to say I'm not very pleased with this chapter, but the plot didn't give me much to work with. I think this week's episode will give me more material. I do feel sort of bummed out, though. I feel like I could've done better, but you'll be the judges of that.  
_

_Your reviews have been so lovely and helpful, I have no reason to complain. Btw, 309 reviews? You guys are insane and I love you. _

_Anonymous reviewers, here we go: **Guest(1)**: Glad the conversation at the end had the warranted effect :) And yeah, I am just as frustrated they did literally NOTHING with Kennett. Missed opportunity indeed. Thanks for the support, tackling both college and this fanfic has proven quite a feat:); **Alexis**: aww, thank you :); **Guest(2)**: wow, thanks for the ample review and commentary:) Completely agree with you on the sire bond part, it's been made pretty clear her "love" is a direct consequence of that. I'm glad you approved of Bonnie walking away. She really does need someone to put her first. Damon is going to make some progress this chapter in that concern, but he's still got some growing to do. As for Elena, I swear, as I was watching the episode I thought that's what my switched-off Elena would say and do, so you know the writers are really treading water. Thanks again for the interesting thoughts on the show and my story, I'll keep in mind to delve more into Bonnie's motivations (some of them stem from the fact that she wants to know how exactly this immortal witch is connected to her); **Guest(3)**: Oh, I totally feel you in regards to Damon. I was completely taken with him circa season 1 because he was such a walking contradiction, but come season 3 I was seeing the cracks. I don't understand why the writers claim season 4 is a return to season 1 Damon. Season 1 Damon would never say he doesn't give a crap about Bonnie Bennett, the witch he thanked for saving his life. I seriously think Damon needs a fresh start. Some would say he belongs with Katherine, but I think he needs to stay far away from the Petrovas. These women have inadvertently ruined his life. He definitely needs someone like Bonnie to take him away from that mess. Thanks for the kind words, I'm happy you like my version so far:); **Guest(4)**: well, Damon's certainly in a difficult position; as you mentioned, giving up on someone you've loved for so long is hard. Before he can let go, he needs to understand he's not betraying himself and who he is. The idea of choices will be prevalent in this chapter; **Vie**: haha, I think that's EXACTLY what Damon wanted to say, but couldn't because men. I mean they say we're fickle, but they're a lot more undecided. But I guess that's Damon's tragedy. There's hope, though. He's slowly but surely getting on the right track; **Guest(5)**: Aww, I'm so happy whenever someone mentions Elena, I'm glad my work with her isn't in vain, I really do try to make her as interesting as possible:); **Guest(6)**: thank you:); **Guest(7)**: awww, very flattered! will keep writing, hopefully updating sooner:); **Guest(8)**: thank you, so happy everyone approves of Bonnie, she showed so much strength in that one scene. I think she would do the same on the show. Hope you like the new chapter:)  
_

_Whew, hope that was everyone. _

_Now for my usual notifications:_

_1. I know I'm starting to sound like a broken record, but I'd like to underline again that I can't include everything from an episode, so it would help to watch it, or at least skim through it. I didn't include any Klaroline (sorry, Klaroline fans) because I don't think it bears on my story and I wouldn't have anything to change. Likewise, some other minor scenes in the episode do not need a do-over. If I don't feel there's much I can do with them, I let them be. I hope no one minds, but I would never be able to post any chapters relatively on time otherwise._

_2. A change I feel the need I must specify, however: Damon doesn't know as much about Qetsiyah and the curse as on the show. Basically, my Shane tells him less because he needs him slightly in the dark about this. _

_3. Some of the changes I've made might not please some of you, but I did them with a view to enhance character development, so I hope you can understand :)_

_4. At one point, I might need to write one chapter for two episodes, because I don't know exactly when my story will go full AU regarding Silas. I will let you know. _

_5. I'm hoping I can keep posting regularly, but if breaks do happen, I will update later in that week/month. I hope you'll continue reading.  
_

_Well, nothing left to say but enjoy! And don't forget to review:)_

* * *

"Is she gone?" Bonnie asked as she shut the front door behind her.

Mayor Hopkins rose from the couch and ran to her.

"Bonnie - where were you? Are you all right? Did anything happen?"

Suddenly she was locked in a tight embrace. Her eyes widened. She timidly placed one hand on his shoulder.

"You're not upset?"

"No, baby, I was just worried."

"You shouldn't have, I'm fine. Jeremy managed to kill the Original."

"I'm sure you were the one who made it possible -"

"No, actually, he did it on his own. I only made sure Klaus, the Original's brother, wouldn't come after us."

"What did you do?"

"I...trapped him in Elena's house. The shields will keep him there. It's only temporary, though."

Mayor Hopkins sighed, caressing her hair softly.

"I won't let him come after you, I promise."

"I doubt there's much you can do against him. I'm still the only one who can stand up to him."

"It doesn't have to be that way, Bonnie. You don't have to do this alone, whatever this is."

Bonnie smiled bitterly.

"I _always_ have to do it alone. It's basically who I am, who I've been for the past 18 years. I'm not blaming you or mom, it's too late for that. I prefer it this way. I'm usually better when I'm alone."

"I don't believe that -"

"Where's mom?"

"Ah, she - she left. I convinced her she was doing you more harm than good. She agreed to go, but she won't stay put for long. She still believes your magic isn't safe."

Bonnie rolled her eyes in disdain.

"Of course _she_ would believe that. She used her magic to desiccate Mikael. No wonder she's afraid of anything outside the spirits."

"But she has a point, doesn't she? Your magic -"

"Yeah, it's not pleasant and frankly I don't want to use it more than I have to, but it's better, it's easier, it's faster. It actually keeps me safer."

Her father seemed unconvinced.

"You're my dad. You'll always worry."

"Honey, you incapacitated your own mother. How am I supposed to feel?"

"Proud, for one. She defended herself against a vampire."

Bonnie turned around in shock.

Atticus Shane was standing in their kitchen, watching them intently, a small smile on his lips.

"What are _you_ doing here?" Bonnie spat in disgust.

"I believe your father invited me."

She stared at Rudy in shock. "You let this maniac inside our home?"

"I think it's worth listening to what he has to say, Bonnie. I only did it because he told me -"

"What? That I'm unstable? Uncontrollable? You know he's full of it, dad!"

"Bonnie, he's here to help-"

"Is that what he said? Well, I don't need his help."

"And you have every right to feel that way after everything that's happened. It doesn't change the fact that you _do_ need my help, Bonnie," Shane remarked calmly.

"No, what I need is for you to get _far_ away from me. And you should have known better than to listen to _him_," she retorted, turning on her dad.

"I didn't _want_ to listen to him, Bonnie, but I've seen -"

"You've seen _nothing_! You haven't seen what I can do!" she bellowed, eyes sparkling.

There was a loud pop and two glasses in their vicinity exploded into a million shards, sending pieces flying all around her in a dangerous vortex. The lights started going on and off and the furniture began to shake. The coffee table was raised up in the air and then smashed against the wall.

Bonnie knelt down and slammed the ground with her open palms.

A wave of magic swept the entire house and broke the gravitational field. Furniture was now floating midair. Her own father had to hold on to the door frame.

He cowered in fear, covering his eyes.

Only Shane walked up to her without any hesitation, impervious to the chaos all around him.

He tipped her chin up and stared into her stormy eyes.

"You're ready. It's time," he said with a smirk.

* * *

Damon tried to catch her eye as he unloaded the sleeping bags off the boat, but Bonnie was adamantly ignoring him.

Not only that, but she had barely exchanged five words with him all journey, even though he had made his usual catty remarks about the grimness of their situation.

Jeremy, however, had been more antagonistic than usual. The hunter was certainly _not_ ignoring him. He was constantly throwing him looks when he thought he wasn't paying attention.

Damon suspected he was starting to put two and two together. But, considering this was little Gilbert, it would take another week or two until he realized Bonnie had feelings for the vampire.

"Need any help, Bonnie?" Jeremy asked, offering his hand to help her get off the boat.

"What, afraid she'll get wet? Don't worry, she won't melt," Damon quipped, throwing another bag on the shore.

Bonnie hid a smirk and jumped on the sand.

"I'll be okay, Jeremy. You go along."

Jeremy made sure to glare at Damon as he walked away.

"What's his problem anyway?"

Bonnie raised an eyebrow. "As if you didn't know."

"I would've thought he'd learnt by now that it's no use pining after you," he spoke casually, slinging the rucksack across his back.

_Because you're not interested in him. You want me_, were the unspoken words that lingered between them. They were on the tip of his tongue, but he knew saying them would drive her away for good.

Bonnie seemed to guess what he was thinking.

"Elena is waiting," she pointed out, looking over his shoulder.

Damon turned. The girl was standing some feet away, watching them with an undecipherable expression on her face. She waved briefly.

"Yeah, I'll get to her -" he began, but Bonnie was already out of his sight.

_Good friends, my ass. I knew things would change_, he thought, frowning as Professor Creep placed a hand on the small of her back and guided her away from the shore. But Bonnie stiffly pushed his hand off and walked away, ignoring him.

Damon smiled. At least the little witch was no longer fooled by his apparent charm.

"Come on, we've got a cure to find," Elena called after him.

* * *

"I can't believe she's here. After telling you to put a dagger in my back she's still walking around as if she weren't a massive bitch. I don't see the point of it, really, she is perfectly useless to us," Rebekah commented spitefully, watching Elena unpack some feet away.

"Not that useless," Elena replied, smiling. "I almost convinced your boyfriend to do it."

Rebekah was behind her in two seconds, stake pressed to her ribs.

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't kill you right now. You helped finish two of my brothers and you scheme against me at every turn."

"So do it," Elena said tensely and one of her hands found Rebekah's. She grabbed it roughly and pressed the stake into her skin. "Just remember that if I die, neither of them will care about the cure anymore."

They locked eyes and for a moment, Rebekah saw in them the same despair that were reflected in hers.

"You actually _want_ to die, don't you?" The Original muttered, relenting her hold.

"Break it off, you two. No more fighting. It isn't helping anyone, least of all you," Stefan said, coming between them.

"You're right. She's not even _worth_ killing," Rebekah spat, walking away.

Stefan watched Elena carefully. She was trying to bury her reaction underneath all those layers of indifference. She was becoming an expert at it.

"Why don't you go back to your shiny toy and I'll go back to _mine_," she said, as she saw Damon approaching with the luggage.

* * *

"Hey, you okay? You seem out of it."

Damon smiled uneasily as he felt Elena's hands circle his neck. Her sharp nails tickled the soft skin of his nape, making him shiver.

"I'm great. I just want this whole cure quest to end. I'm not a big fan of Professor Creep, or Rebekah, or my brother, or Jerbear, or...well, anyone actually," he replied, skilfully avoiding mentioning Bonnie's name.

"So what you're saying is that you hate team work."

"Who doesn't?"

"Well, then, think of it as a team made up of just you and me. We don't need anyone else." Her smile did not reach her eyes.

"I wish that were true."

"Do you trust me?"

Damon furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. "Why do you ask?"

"You've been distant lately."

"Well, I was locked up in a cellar. Kind of hard to be physically or emotionally close."

"You know what I meant."

"No, I don't, actually, because I'm the only one who's stood by you in all of this. So asking me if I trust you- "

"I still want to know you'll stand by me later."

"You mean when you turn human?"

Elena chuckled, looking away. "Sure. _If_ I turn human. Though the odds are against us."

"You know nothing will change between us."

"Hasn't it already, though?" she asked, narrowing her eyes.

Damon felt an argument coming and he knew the issue was Bonnie, but he didn't have the heart for it. There was just something immensely problematic about having feelings for anyone other than her; the girl he'd loved in one form for more than a century and in another for the last two years. She had been such a constant in his life, that face had been the image of his every waking hour and every dreamless sleep. It was nearly impossible to efface it, to render it less than it was because he knew no other face, he knew no other girl.

And it seemed otherworldly that someone would love him first. All he'd ever known was second best. And he had grown used to it, at one point he had even accepted it begrudgingly, considering it the natural order of things.

But now that he had the doppelgänger - even in this altered, dehumanized form - by his side and not only that, but there was another who vied for his affection, another who had chosen _him_, he felt overwhelmed, thrown off balance, swept up in a torrent of unknown emotions.

It was as if for once, he was the center. He wasn't just a shadow in the corner anymore. He wasn't the forgotten brother.

_He_ was Elena Gilbert now. _He_ was in the same position.

And he was starting to understand why it had been so hard for her to choose.

"The only one who's changed is you, Elena," he replied coolly.

* * *

The hike seemed interminable. They had been walking for over an hour at the same infernally monotonous pace with only each other for company. The bickering and the passive-aggressiveness were nothing new, but being constantly reminded that his own brother wasn't speaking to him and that Elena had switched off did little to remedy his mood. There was nothing he could do. They were stuck together on this deserted island. Although, Damon could have sworn they were being watched.

You just got the eerie feeling that a pair of eyes was following you and charting your every move.

It didn't help that it was growing dark and Shane had started telling the story of some desiccated miners who had seen the reflection of their loved ones in a "magical" well. It was getting too _Blair Witch Project _for his taste.

He fell in step with Bonnie who was lagging behind.

"Do you believe that nut? He apparently "saw" his dead wife down there and she just "happened" to tell him how to resurrect Silas. I call bullshit."

Bonnie shrugged her shoulders, choosing to remain silent.

"I mean, believing in a magical well is one thing, but blaming your dead wife for homicide... that just seems like a jerk move to me."

Bonnie nodded noncommittally. "Mhm."

"You know, you can't ignore me forever. I'll wear you down, eventually."

"I'm not ignoring you, Damon. I just have a lot on my mind right now."

"Right, that's what they all say."

"When I say it, I usually mean it."

"Fair enough. But it never prevented you from talking to me in the past."

She sighed, running a hand through her hair. "Why is it that you require so much attention?"

"I'm not asking you to devote every second of every hour to my needs. I mean, I'd definitely enjoy that, but I'm only asking -"

"No, you just take it personally when I don't feel like _chatting_."

"I'm only asking," Damon continued stubbornly, "for you to act as a friend. You said we're friends so I expect you to act the part."

"And I'm _not_ acting like a friend?"

"I wouldn't classify it as such."

"Okay, what am I acting like, then?"

"Like someone who wants to be anywhere else but in my proximity."

"That's not true."

"Is that why you're inching away from me as we speak?"

"Friends are like that sometimes, friends get tired of each other."

"Bonnie."

"Look, I'm sorry I'm not being "perfectly amiable". Kind of hard to act friendly when you've made a fool of yourself."

"You haven't -"

"It feels like it, though."

"Then _stop_ feeling that."

Damon knew as soon as he'd said it that it was a mistake. He cursed himself inwardly for his lack of tact. _Good job. Why don't you tell her to stop liking you altogether?_

Bonnie threw him a look. "I will, don't worry. I will."

He was about to tell her he'd meant something different, when he witnessed a sudden change in her demeanor; a grey film shrouded her eyes and instead of walking in a straight line as before, she veered off course and took an abrupt turn to the left, stumbling and wobbling her way through the woods.

Luckily, Damon quickly took hold of her and caught her in time before she fell down.

"Bonnie! Bonnie, wake up! Bonnie, can you hear me?!"

He kept shaking her shoulders, hoping she'd come round.

When she finally did, she was panting heavily.

"What happened?"

The others who had advanced on the path were now calling after them in concern.

"I don't know, you were completely out. As if you were in some sort of trance," he replied, cupping her face in his hands and checking for any signs of compulsion.

She moved out of his grasp.

"Trance?"

"As if the spirits had taken over you again," he told her, recalling the time when she had fed Alaric her blood. _That_ had been terrifying.

Bonnie shook her head.

"That's impossible. I'm cut off from the spirits. We don't communicate anymore."

Damon frowned. "Then how are you getting your magic?"

"I think it's this island," she replied, avoiding his question. "I feel like - I feel like I've been here before. No, not feel. I _know_ I lived here once."

"Past life?"

"Sounds ridiculous, doesn't it?"

"Wouldn't be top of the list."

"I just don't understand what it's trying to tell me."

"The island?"

"Or _someone_ on the island."

"You think it's those miners?"

"I doubt it. They just wanted to see their loved ones, they knew nothing about Silas."

"What if it's Silas himself?" Damon asked, feeling a cold chill travel down his spine.

"If it _is_ from a witch, it might be from Qets -"

"Bonnie! Damon! You guys out there?" the others called from afar.

"We'd better get back," she sighed, moving past him.

"Wait, we can't just go back, we still don't know-"

"Well, we're not going to find any answers here, in the middle of nowhere."

* * *

The shack looked anything but comfortable. But it was abandoned and seemed relatively safe. At least if someone came after them, they would know.

"Oh, that's lovely, there's a mystery man with a hatchet lurking in the woods and we're just gonna camp," Damon sneered, looking about him in distrust.

"That mystery man did save Jeremy's life," Elena pointed out.

"Great, why don't we give him an award or something?"

"We're safer here than we are hiking in the dark," Shane argued. "_All_ of us." His eyes traveled to Bonnie's figure.

Damon noticed the look they exchanged and he realized it would be better for Bonnie to lie somewhere inside than walk around in a trance.

"Fine," he mouthed reluctantly.

"But you know what would be even safer?" Damon told him, stepping up to him. "If you told us where the cure is right now. Get in, get out, simple as that. Then we'd be able to leave this crazy island and get back to Mystic Falls before dawn."

"How stupid do you think I am?"

"Stupid enough to raise an immortal witch so I'd say... _incredibly_."

"Yeah, I'm shocked you even _want_ the cure considering you've got the most to lose once Elena is human."

"Then you don't know me very well or _her_," Damon retorted.

"We'll see about that."

* * *

"Shane doesn't know what he's talking about," Elena told him confidently, walking two steps behind him.

"Yeah, well, we'll find out tomorrow."

"Do you really think that I'm gonna take this cure, break the sire bond and fall out of love with you?"

Damon clenched his fists in anger. He couldn't take it anymore.

"No, I think you're gonna take this cure and stop being the homicidal vampire who's switched off. I think you're gonna take this cure and be _ yourself _again."

Her eyes widened in surprise.

"Oh, you think I _wouldn't_ figure it out eventually?"

"I hoped you wouldn't," she spoke tersely. "I hoped you wouldn't see what I -"

"Oh, just stop. Stop lying. You asked me if I still trusted you. It's _you_ who doesn't trust _me_ enough to tell me what's wrong with you."

"I didn't lie to you, Damon. I just didn't want you to get hurt."

"Really? You didn't want me to get hurt? By _hiding _from me?"

"You wouldn't have cared for me the same -"

"I _always_ will. That's my punishment. I'll always love you, no matter what, can't you see that?"

"So, loving me is a punishment for you? Because you make it sound like some terrible curse."

Damon remained quiet.

"I'd rather you didn't love me then."

"You know I can't do that."

"It's not about what you can and cannot do. It doesn't work that way. Do you _want_ to love me?"

Damon scoffed. "That doesn't even make sense -"

"Answer my question."

Damon shook his head. "I don't have to answer anything. You lied to me, Elena. You have no right to make demands."

Elena rolled her eyes in frustration.

"Was _anything_ you told me real?" Damon asked weakly. "The _I love yous_ and the sentimental speeches? The whole "your memory brought me back"?"

Elena squirmed under his gaze. She suddenly didn't feel very confident anymore.

"The part where you said you couldn't give up because you had me? Oh, what am I saying, of course you gave up!"

Elena shook her head, her eyes darkening. "I didn't."

"I mean you'd already switched off so, I imagine you just fed me a bunch of horseshit!"

She walked up to him angrily and slapped him hard on the cheek. The sound echoed against the branches.

"You know next to nothing about my feelings!"

"Then let's have it out! Tell me, if we're being honest!"

"There's nothing to tell! What you see is what you get! The only people in this miserable group I care about are you and Jeremy. Why do you think I'm different around you?! It's not an act. You _are_ what brought me back. I could've done much worse, I could've -"

She stopped, taking a deep breath.

In the middle of all those lies, the sire bond had forced out a truth that shone in her eyes and made Damon waver in his resolve.

She realized she still cared about him. She still cared about Damon. Which meant she still cared about Stefan.

The Salvatore brothers had kept her from leaving town, had kept her from taking her own life.

The people she wanted to break the most were her undoing.

And this revelation brought on the next; she _was_ just like Katherine, after all. The doppelgänger who was bound to love two brothers eternally, but instead of making them miserable, she was only hurting herself instead.

She chuckled bitterly. "I asked you whether you want to love me. Well, I don't. I don't want to love you."

The words had a finality to them that scared him. He suspected the "you" did not refer to him alone.

"And I don't think you want to, either," she added bleakly. "I don't think you want to love me."

Damon was at a loss for words.

When he found his footing again, all he could manage to say was: "You need the cure. And I'll get it for you. No matter what."

* * *

"I've been staring at pictures of Jeremy's tattoo and there's no spell."

"Oh, Expression doesn't require a written spell. Think of it as a way of accessing magic that already exists inside you. You just have to want it bad enough," Shane replied, throwing Bonnie one of his trademark smiles.

Bonnie made a face. "And I'm just supposed to trust you?"

"Bonnie, listen, I taught you Expression so that you could access the cure. I'll be right there with you all the time, I promise."

"You didn't answer the trust part."

Damon Salvatore was standing in the doorway, watching them carefully.

"Eavesdropping, Damon? Or are you just stalking Bonnie now?" Shane asked icily.

"Oh, don't peg me as the creep, Professor, we both know better."

"Damon, I can handle myself," Bonnie intervened.

"Sure you can. We just have to get him out of the picture first."

"All right, let me put it this way. You _need_ me to help you through it, Bonnie."

"No, she doesn't -" Damon interrupted him.

"Are you going to believe a vampire? Remember what I told you a long time ago, Bonnie? That a vampire is the best and the worst thing that can happen to you?"

"Vampires are stimuli..." Bonnie quoted from memory.

"That's right. The Expression feeds on it."

Bonnie remembered how much she'd enjoyed drinking Damon's blood not long ago.

"What is he talking about, Bonnie?" Damon asked, concern seeping into his voice.

"You know the Expression can get messy. You've demonstrated it yourself," Shane continued, ignoring him. "Believe me when I say, I've seen it get a lot worse. And when it does, neither Damon nor anyone else will be able to help you."

"How _much_ worse?" Damon interrupted him, alarmed.

"When we lost our son in the car accident, my wife kind of lost it. She tried to resurrect his body using magic."

Bonnie looked crestfallen.

"Your wife was a _witch_?"

"She was a powerful witch. And incredibly undisciplined."

"And you never thought to tell me?!"

"I didn't want to scare you. The truth is she tried to bring our son back using Expression and it overwhelmed her. She died."

In a split second, Damon had him pinned to the wall, hand around his neck.

"You taught her the same magic that killed you wife?" His voice was dangerously low and quiet. A sign that he was about to do something reckless.

"I know how it sounds but it's different now," Shane whimpered, struggling against his grip. "I know the warning signs now and I can keep Expression from consuming her."

"Downside is you turned her into a bomb that only you can dismantle!" Damon bellowed, throwing him across the floor.

He grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and punched him hard, making his head fall back. Then he punched him again and again, until his knuckles hurt from the impact.

"Damon!" Bonnie yelled. "Damon, stop! This isn't helping! You're going to kill him!"

"Good! It's what I'm counting on!"

"Don't - don't you think I know how this ends?" Shane asked, spitting blood. "I came here to raise Silas so that he can bring back the dead, but you're _never_ gonna let that happen! The second I point to a cure, you're gonna kill me -"

"I feel like killing you right now," Damon grunted, holding him down.

"Damon, don't!"

"That's why Bonnie's gotta keep me alive," he continued, wheezing and gasping. "So I can keep _her_ alive."

That seemed to put an end to Damon's plans. He reluctantly let him go.

* * *

Elena noticed his swollen hands and blue knuckles as he lay down next to her in his sleeping bag.

"Blew a fuse at someone?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

"You could say that."

"Come here, I've got some ointments."

"It'll heal quickly."

"Just let me do it, okay? I can't sleep either way."

Damon lay his hands in her lap.

She started massaging them softly.

"Why would you bring medicine when we've got vampire blood?"

"For Jeremy... and Bonnie."

"_Oh_. Looking out for them?"

"Trying."

"Elena?"

"Mm?"

"I've switched off before. And I was nothing like this. You're still...you."

"I thought I was completely different."

"I thought that too, but maybe I was wrong."

"All right. Say I'm still me. What does that say? That _this_, this reckless, callous, selfish person is the real me. That I never really switched off to begin with. It's always been me."

"That's not true-"

"Worst part is I don't mind. I don't mind if this is who I really am, deep down. I don't have any regrets anymore."

* * *

Come morning, Bonnie was already sitting down by the fire, trying a locator spell. Jeremy was gone. Someone had taken him in the middle of the night. Everyone else was already out there looking for him or getting ready to leave.

"You all right?"

She hadn't even noticed his presence, she was so focused on the spell. He crouched down next to her and handed her a bottle of water.

"Haven't seen you eat or drink all day."

"Glad someone's keeping tabs on me."

"Well, there's no point in starving yourself, is there?"

"Don't mother me, Damon."

"You know I'm only looking out for you. Besides, I don't think this is a good idea," he said, pointing at the fire.

"It's the fastest way to find Jeremy, he might die -"

"Yes and the Expression might kill _you_."

"Nothing will happen from a simple locator spell."

"Maybe I should stay behind."

"No! You're more useful to them. If I don't find him, you might."

"True, but that means leaving you here with Professor Crazy."

"He needs me as much as I need him, he won't hurt his witch," she replied bitterly.

"That doesn't mean he cares about what happens to _you_, you know, non-witch Bonnie Bennett."

Bonnie stared at him for a long time.

"There is no such thing as non-witch Bonnie Bennett."

"I think there is," he said, taking her hand.

Unbeknownst to them, Elena was watching them from a comfortable distance.

Something stirred inside of her. It was more than jealousy, it went deeper than that; somewhere in the recess of what used to be her human will something started moving. The sire bond's strings were beginning to unravel.

"You should go. I'm fine, really," Bonnie said at length, pulling away.

"Are you sure?"

"Jeremy needs your help more than I do."

Damon got up and turned around to find Elena, but she was gone. She had already left with the rest.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Shane enter the shed, shutting the door behind him carefully.

"Let's see what you're up to."

* * *

"Jeremy! Jeremy!" Elena kept yelling, surveying the woods carefully.

"Why don't you yell louder? I don't think whoever took him heard you," Rebekah told her, sneering.

"And how are _you_ helping exactly?"

"Well, I'm stronger than you, I'm faster than you and I'm quite certain I can charm the islanders a lot easier than boring, sulking Elena Gilbert."

"Not gonna disagree on the easy part," Elena bit back.

"All right, we get it, you two hate each other," Stefan let out in exasperation. "Can we just keep going please?"

"I tried to be her friend," Rebekah protested, "but somehow I ended up with a dagger in my back because I'm the evil one."

"I never said you're the evil one. If I'm being hard on you, you only have yourself to blame. It's because of you that I'm a vampire," Elena replied calmly.

"No, darling, that would be Damon, but you are too blinded by your pathetic sire bond to see it."

"Rebekah," Stefan warned her, giving her a stern look.

He was momentarily distracted and stepped on the wrong stone. A spiked trap flew straight at him.

Elena was at his side in a flash and stood between him and the wooden spears.

The Original raised an eyebrow in amusement.

"Well, well. Elena, the saviour."

"Thanks," Stefan mumbled, staring at her in disbelief. He could have probably dodged it easily, but the gesture shocked him.

"Force of habit, I guess," Elena muttered through gritted teeth.

Stefan realized one of the stakes had gone through her back.

"An inch further and it would've killed you," Rebekah remarked. "Are you on a suicide mission or something?"

"Just looking out for myself. Stefan's the only reason you haven't started killing us all."

Rebekah smirked. "You mean you."

Stefan helped her take out the stake.

"I'm probably top of your list."

Rebekah caught her by the elbow as she walked past her.

"Don't worry, I'm not going to be the one to grant you your wish, Elena," she whispered in her ear. "If you want to die, you'll have to do it yourself."

"I might just. Too bad I won't be here to witness your despair when you find yourself without a cure," she whispered back.

"That's not true. Stefan wants it for himself, not just for you."

"Why don't you ask him and find out?"

Elena detached herself from her and started for the camp again. "I'm gonna see if Bonnie's found anything. Be careful."

Stefan watched her leave with something akin to curiosity.

* * *

"You know, I'm still unable to understand why you want this cure so badly. It's only going to make matters worse for you; Elena is going to run back to your brother after taking it and Bonnie will undergo numerous dangers channeling extreme power to access it. I don't see a silver lining for you."

Damon had to remind himself that killing him right there and then would mean the end for Bonnie. But it was proving hard when the maniac was taunting him with all he had.

"You don't have to understand. You just have to tell me where the cure is."

"I won't, unless you tell me why you want it. Is it - is it for yourself?"

Damon scoffed. "_Please_. Being a puny mortal does not interest me."

"Doesn't it? Don't you want to be able to start a family, grow old with someone? Elena, maybe? ..._Bonnie_?"

"_Don't_ get them involved in your twisted game."

"I'm not the one who involved them in the first place. It's you who decided to fall for two women at the same time. Or are you going to deny it?"

"You don't know anything about -"

"I know that you're burdened with the knowledge that you can't have both. And I know you can't let either of them go. So, really, it doesn't matter if it's Bonnie or Elena; they both stand for the same principle, the symbol of everything you could obtain and lose if you find this cure."

"You know, I'm this close to ending you. I'm literally a stab away from ending your miserable life. And I would be doing the world a service. You deserve to die."

"Then I'm taking Bonnie with me."

Damon grabbed his chin roughly.

"I'm calling your bluff. As long as Bonnie doesn't access the cure, she doesn't have to go overboard. She doesn't need you."

Shane smirked. "So that's your choice, then."

Damon frowned. "What are you rambling about?"

"You're not going to risk harming Bonnie to give Elena her humanity back. Instead, you will condemn her to a miserable eternity as a vampire. "

Damon glared at him in shock.

"_Do_ it then. Kill me, if this your final choice. Do it. Or are you having second thoughts?"

Damon released him suddenly and stumbled back in confusion.

"I see. You're undecided. It's understandable. It always comes down to this, doesn't it? Bonnie Bennett and Elena Gilbert. Two sides of the same coin."

Damon wanted to rip his head clean off. He had never wanted to kill someone more in his entire life.

And yet, he couldn't. He couldn't deprive Elena of the cure.

"I hope when the time comes, you will make the right choice."

* * *

"Damn it!" Elena yelled, throwing the chair across the shed in frustration. They were _all_ gone, Bonnie, Damon, Jeremy, Shane...

The Professor had taken all his equipment with him and she could bet he had also stolen the tombstone.

"What's going on?"

Elena whipped around and saw Stefan and Rebekah's figures in the doorway.

"What's going on is that someone's played us. Everyone is gone and we've been left with _nothing_," she spat angrily.

Rebekah blanched in panic. She rushed to check the tombstone. It was gone.

"_Where_ is it? What have you done with it you double-faced _harlot_?!"

"What, you think _I_ took it? Why would I still be here if I had?" Elena yelled back, growing incensed.

"All you people ever do is betray me and here you go again!" she bellowed, turning on Stefan.

"I believe her. She didn't take it."

"And how come you suddenly trust her?"

"I don't trust her, but she'd be stupid to lie now, wouldn't she?"

"Just because she happened to save you a scratch doesn't mean she's turned a new leaf!"

"I know that! But she's got a point. She wouldn't be standing here if she had all the cards."

"What about _you_? You've got all the cards. You've managed to earn my trust. Who's to say you aren't lying to my face?"

Stefan took a step towards her.

"I obviously _haven't _earned it if you think I took the tombstone. Rebekah, think for a second. I'm in the same situation you are. Shane obviously set out a trap -"

"Oh and you helped him distract me while he ran off with the tombstone, is that it?"

"You think I would do that? You think I would let some psychopath run off with the cure? Every single moment of the last 146 years has been ruled by the pain of being a vampire. And this cure ends that. It ends the guilt and it ends the suffering. And you really think I would jeopardize that?"

Elena stared at him in surprise. She had almost forgotten who Stefan Salvatore was and how much he hated himself. Suddenly, she understood. She understood exactly how he felt. She understood how terrible it was to live with this self-loathing.

"Fine. You didn't take it. That doesn't mean I trust her," Rebekah spat, wiping away the small tears that had gathered at the corners of her eyes.

"Well, you'll have to. You've got no other choice," Elena spoke up. "We're all in the same miserable pot. And we've only got each other left. Bonnie's gone. Shane's got the tombstone. Jeremy's missing. Who knows if Damon's coming back. So, us three, right here, that's the team. Are you in or are you out?"

* * *

"So, gang's all here," Shane surmised, looking at a gagged and bound Jeremy Gilbert, Massak, the painted witch, and a startled Bonnie Bennett. "Silas awaits."

* * *

"Bonnie!"

"Bonnie!"

"Bonnie, where are you?"

Damon leant against a tree trunk, panting heavily.

He'd called her name so many times his voice was beginning to grow hoarse.

"Bon -"

An arrow suddenly hit him straight between his shoulders.

Before he could pull it out, he was tackled to the ground by an unknown presence.

They wrestled for a good minute, before Damon finally overpowered him and grabbed his head in a vise grip, ready to finish him off.

That's when he noticed the ominous tattoo on his hand.

"You're one of the Five."

That was his mistake.

The hunter pulled himself out of his hold, flipped him over and twisted his neck without hesitation.

Right before he was knocked out, Damon wondered if the stranger could lead him to either Jeremy or Bonnie.


	15. Author's Note (don't panic)

Normally I hate it when writers do this, so I apologize for making you believe this is the new chapter. Unfortunately, it's not. Not right now.

And I mean it, because half of chapter 15 is already done. So you're probably wondering, why not write the other half and post it already?

Well, two nights ago, I decided I needed a new plan. Thing is, I was writing the new chapter, typing away as usual, when I realized I wasn't happy with it. Why? Because I was writing pressed for time and with a million other things on my mind (such as, I have classes tomorrow and loads to read). Normally I would ignore the nagging feeling of guilt and continue writing, but the writing itself wasn't up to speed either. I felt I was sabotaging the chapter. So I erased a good deal of it, started from scratch and 3000 words are already written.

However, the rest of the chapter will be posted a bit later.

And this is what I want to talk to you about.

I'm in my last year of college, which means I have to write a thesis. I'm an English major, writing on 18th century literature so it's a little bit daunting, especially since I have quite a lot of work ahead of me. I'm also taking loads of classes, where I've got more reading and writing to do.

Ergo, not much time for anything else. I managed to balance fanfiction and college in the first semester well enough, but I'm getting closer to my deadline and I have to slow something down. And that has to be fanfiction.

Here's the thing; writing a new chapter for Want takes roughly between 10 and 12 hours, sometimes longer. It involves a lot of thinking and brainstorming. Don't get me wrong, I love spending days writing this story I've grown so fond of, but my current schedule just won't allow it. That being said, I could, for the sake of updating on time, write shorter, less satisfying chapters, with less character development, but... what would be the point? I would, of course, keep up with the episodes in a way, but it wouldn't be the same. In fact, it would be an insult to you, who have continued reading and writing thoughtful reviews, supporting me through these months, to give you something substandard.

Bottom line is, I don't want to sacrifice quality over quantity, because you guys deserve better.

So, what I'm going to do is update at a slower pace but write better chapters (hopefully) and maintain the necessary length (between 7000 and 10000 words a chapter) in order to flesh out the plot.

Doing this, in my opinion, is more advantageous than weekly updates; I can watch the following TVD episodes and have a larger, better perspective of what is going to happen so that I can subvert the plot in an intelligent way. I can also get a better grasp of where these characters are heading.

Now, this doesn't mean chapter 15 will be posted in June or something. Like I said, half of it is already done and the rest is outlined in my head. I think it will be up in two weeks at the latest, but inevitably, I will be two or three episodes behind. Maybe even more.

What I want to emphasise is that I am NOT giving up on this story, under any circumstances. I will keep updating, but instead of say, 4 or 5 times a month, it will be once or twice. Now, of course, once I'm free of my college and thesis-writing obligations, I will update a lot faster, but until then, I hope you can stick it out with me and have the patience and kindness to wait a bit longer for the upcoming chapters. You've already been so lovely and understanding, so I hope you can overlook my tardiness and enjoy the following chapters, even if they will be posted a bit later.

I'd like to thank all of you in advance for being part of this story. I will reply to all your lovely reviews as soon as I post the new chapter.

That being said, I leave you now with two short excerpts of chapter 15 in the hopes that they will tide you over the waiting time:

* * *

**_Excerpt 1:_**

_Elena blinked the tears away and clawed at her neck, as if trying to get out the daemon that was tormenting her. The layers of magic felt like chains of melting pitch. An ancient force, a dormant presence guided her words._

_"He loves you, you know. He loves you."_

_She did not have to specify which he she was referring to._

_"He doesn't know it yet, but he does," Elena continued hoarsely. She realized she wasn't lying. She had seen it in his eyes, in his gestures, this second shadow, the witch._

_Bonnie had sprung up on him, unexpected. It had been coming gradually over the years, but it had gathered speed in the last month._

_A little tremor shook Qetsyiah's body. Bonnie had lifted her head from within._

_"You would say anything, wouldn't you?" Qetsyiah spat in derision. "Nothing is beneath you."_

_"He - he loves me too," Elena continued defiantly. "Bonnie knows that."_

_Bonnie's heart was slowing down, instead of going faster. She took a deep breath. The air she breathed in was Qetsyiah's air. She knew who she was, she could feel her existence as a separate entity, a foreign substance that had lived on after a tragic wreckage; she could form words in her head, words that disappeared as soon as they were spelled out; she could remember her childhood, her mother's face at the window, her grandmother singing songs to her, she could hear her voice chanting over the rustling pages of her Grimoire and yet her own body remained inaccessible, her identity truncated. It had been taken from her, taken to a place she could not follow. She wondered whether these were Qetsyiah's thoughts or hers. She trembled to think the ancient witch could read them. Of course she could._

_She felt so small and so calm, watching and listening, but not being able to react, to respond._

_Elena was, in a way, the only means through which she could force her way out. _

_"But there is a difference," Elena added with some difficulty, trying futilely to get back on her feet. Her knees collided with the stone floor once more. "Our love is filled with hate. He loves me because he hates me and I hate him because I love him."_

_Bonnie gasped in shock, but it was swallowed by the unyielding silence that had taken over her every faculty. Qetsyiah only laughed mirthlessly, her eyes betraying nothing but an estranged detachment._

_"He - He loves me to punish me for choosing Stefan," Elena finished in a whisper, choking up. "It's - it's always been this way with us."_

_Bonnie didn't realize that Qetsyiah had begun desiccating Elena, slowly and painfully._

_Elena's voice was fading, her skin was closing in on itself, drying up, becoming the colour of leaves in autumn._

_" But your love is not hate. Your love is different. H-he loves you for - for -"_

_She could not go on. She was out of breath._

_Bonnie lashed out against the invisible barrier. She cried out in anger, but her voice echoed back emptily in her own ears. She pushed and shoved and kicked madly, as if she were confined to a narrow space only she could inhabit. As if she were trapped in a coffin._

_And suddenly, illuminated by a vision, her consciousness was struck by an image she had seen long ago in a dream; her body lying still in a coffin, she, awake and screaming, the lid falling soundlessly, shutting her off from the world._

_She had not dwelled on it, believing it to be a nightmare._

_What other nightmares had she - had Qetsyiah - brought to life?_

* * *

**_Excerpt 2:_**

_As he stood at the stone-carved crossroads, a deep and dark tunnel of lust and love that split into infinite possibilities, he realized, finally, that there could only be one, one possibility. Not because his feelings were limited to one being, but because in this very moment, in this very context, only one love was needed._


	16. Chapter 16

_so, it's been...how many months now? Five? Wow, well, I am officially the worst._

_Remember when I said this: "Now, this doesn't mean chapter 15 will be posted in June or something. Like I said, half of it is already done and the rest is outlined in my head. I think it will be up in two weeks at the latest."_

_Hahahahaha._

_Yeah, well, it's July so I was at least half right._

_Okay, here's what happened in between that author's note and now: I had to change my thesis topic. In March. Yeaaah, that's not what you want to do generally. I won't bore you with the details, but I went through some hellish months, rewriting and researching completely new stuff. Safe to say, I didn't get much time online, not enough to sit down and post this chapter or do much of anything else. All my other stories were on hiatus too, unfortunately._

_The good news is it's over, I'm done, I'm finished, I sent it in and I got a pretty good grade so I'm a happy camper._

_Bad news is, I'm way behind on this story._

_I hope the new chapter makes up for my absence. I also hope you didn't give up on it. I wouldn't blame you if you did, but I really hope you're still here (hope is a recurring motif here).  
_

_You guys sent me some wonderful messages and reviews (**machala jane, krishi26, amanda melo, XHush-HushX, esmeralda312, Rexxx, AraBellaSnape,Stormygirl30, Trinity71, Ariel C. Rilmonn, babyshan211, michelle3737, xXPrincess-of-DarknessxXx, Nat-Nat 360, mrs. anita, Geminigirl6495, ZOEYSEES, ., leni18, Smartlooks, Lilly Angel88**) , I was immensely touched to see you supported me even when I wasn't here. Thank you so much for those of you who stood by me and for those who didn't abandon this story.  
_

_Hopefully, I can get back to a more normal rhythm._

_I'm sorry I didn't manage to reply to your reviews, I feel pretty crummy about that, but I didn't even have time for my email (true story), so really, I'd like to give a shoutout to **every single one of you** for not losing your patience and sending in lovely encouragements. _

_I hope you enjoy this chapter, it's the rewrite of** Down the Rabbit Hole** and I changed a lot of things that made sense in view of the other twists I'd planned in the story. I guess it would help to rewatch the episode or maybe reread chapter twelve for some of the Silas/Qetsiyah bits, but you should be fine since I've placed some cues so you wouldn't be too confused or have to reread whole chapters again. _

_I'm babbling because this chapter is one of those action-packed, shocking reveals-type of chapter and I hope I made it work, even if it's a bit on the wild side (I think suspension of disbelief will be required in some cases, but hey, it's TVD, you already know that). _

_I hope you like the Bamon bits and as always, tell me what you think because I will be able to reply to your reviews this time around :)_

_P.S. You'll recognize the excerpts from the author's note with only very minor differences._

_P.S. 2: Since I had little time for TV shows, I just recently got caught up with TVD and yeah, I was over the moon when Bamon hugged, only later to have my hopes and dreams crushed at the end of the season. Typical Julie fashion. Oh, well, more creative opportunities for me, I guess :)  
_

* * *

The first thing Damon smelled was the smoke. And for a brief, maddening second he thought he was dying. He thought the hunter had burned him alive.

The concept of his own death did not so much scare him, as it angered him. He couldn't die now. He had so much left to do.

He had to find –

His stomach lurched painfully. A bout of nausea made him gasp. He felt he was recovering from a crazy hangover. Having one's neck twisted always had that effect.

His eyelids slowly parted.

He had been right about the smoke. Not about the burning, though.

Damon tried to move forward, but he found himself completely immobilized. To a tree. He groaned.

"Somethin' bothering you?"

The hunter was sitting by the fire, eating. He was wearing a very smug expression on his face. Damon rolled his eyes. Hunters were so proud whenever they caught a vampire. It was pathetic.

"Would you believe me if I said mosquitoes?"

"Aye, I would. How does it feel when a relentless eating machine is draining the blood from your veins?"

"Itchy."

"Your friends from Mystic Falls think you're funny, Damon?"

"They're a tough crowd to please..." he trailed off, trying to figure out how he knew about his town. "Are you the one who's been spying on us?"

"You catch on fast. I've been watching you. Not just you, though. Your brother, too, the doppelganger and your witch."

Damon's head snapped up.

Bonnie.

"The witch. Where is she?"

The hunter smiled. "You were looking for her when I found you, weren't you? Her and the Gilbert boy. He's a hunter too."

"Where are they?" Damon asked, alarmed at the prospect that it was now daylight and a whole night had passed with them still missing.

"That Bonnie lass, she's the one who needs to cast the spell on Gilbert's mark. Am I right?"

"I asked you a question. Where the fuck are they?" Damon practically barked, losing his patience.

The hunter did not flinch.

"I see your cool exterior is only a facade. Don't worry, Damon. I'm not hiding them away somewhere. I actually need them. See, I've got an idea where they might be. You're coming with."

Damon's anger was abated slightly.

"You seem to like the idea. Don't get too comfortable. If your little witch doesn't lead me to Silas, I'll rip your heart out and make her watch."

Damon was really starting to hate all hunters, foreigners or not. He forced a nonchalant smirk on his face.

"You're using me to get to Bonnie Bennett? Whoa, brother, you picked the wrong vampire."

"Lying isn't your strong suit. Your memory's not that great, either. What do you think I saw when I watched you? She seems to be a very _good_ friend."

Damon bit his tongue. Of course, of all things he had to notice _that_.

"Why do you need her to get to Silas?" he asked, not bothering to hide his contempt anymore.

The hunter arched his eyebrows.

Damon rolled his eyes. "Shit. She's the only one who can wake him up."

The hunter chuckled. "Glad to know we're on the same wavelength."

"What happens to her if she does wake him up?"

The hunter shrugged his shoulders. "As long as she does it, don't know and don't care."

Damon growled at him. "You'd better pray I don't find you when this stupid vervain wears off."

The hunter whistled. "You've got a short fuse, did ye know? I might ha' to tame you."

Damon scoffed. The hunter turned towards him and shot a wooden stick in his neck without even blinking.

Damon yelped in pain as blood started gushing out of his throat. The stick was soaked in vervain. He hissed, turning and twitching.

"There's a lot more where that came from," the hunter said, pulling his head back.

Damon remained still and waited for the hunter's next move.

He smiled. "See? Already more pliant. You'd do well to remember it was Vaughn Gale who taught you manners."

"Thank you," Damon spat in derision.

"Don't thank me yet."

"No, thank you for telling me your name. It will make it easier to track you down when you try to run away."

Vaughn grinned. "Oh, you vampires are all the same; stupid and cocky. Now come on, we'd best be goin' to that cave."

"Cave?" Damon echoed confused.

* * *

Rebekah tried to suppress another groan of irritation when she arrived at the same clearing as before.

"This is not working! We're running in circles!" she called out, frustrated.

Stefan and Elena soon found their way back to the camp too.

"Hang on, how is this possible?"

"We're dealing with the oldest immortal in the world. He's obviously playing tricks on us," Rebekah muttered, kicking a stone with her foot.

"What kind of trick is that?" Elena asked, amused. Watching the Original lose her temper had its perks.

"Wipe that stupid grin off your face, Elena. This concerns you as well," Rebekah snapped, her eyes burying holes into the doppelganger.

Stefan placed a hand on Rebekah's shoulder.

"Let's cool off and think this through one more time. What do we know?"

The Original sighed and rolled her eyes.

"_Nothing_, that is what we know."

"Don't be too hard on yourself, Rebekah," Elena quipped, trying to suppress a smile.

Stefan shot her a look.

"What? We do know something," Elena argued. "We know Silas knows we're looking for him and the others. That's why he's messing with our minds, making us come back here all the time, right?"

"Oh, brilliant, Elena, why don't you state the obvious some more?" the Original retorted, pushing Stefan's hand away.

Elena raised her hands in defeat.

"Just trying to help."

"You're obviously not. Do you even _want_ to find this cure?"

Elena frowned, as if she'd been insulted. "Of course. We all do."

"Seems like all you want to do is either throw yourself off a cliff or torture the Salvatores."

Elena smirked, trying to hide the hesitation in her voice. "I can multitask."

Stefan placed himself between them again.

"Guys, we had a deal; we agreed we'd do this together. The quarrelling isn't helping anyone."

"Tell her that. She's the one who – hang on, where's the crazy Gilbert going now?"

Stefan followed Rebekah's eye line.

Elena had started walking – gliding would be a more accurate description – back into the forest.

"Elena!"

She didn't respond. Her back was stiff and her arms were pinned to her body. It looked as if she were being pulled by some invisible strings deeper into the woods.

Rebekah and Stefan exchanged a worried look.

They caught up with her quickly.

"Ele-"

The girl had a glazed look over her eyes. It looked like compulsion, or something along the lines.

Rebekah stepped in front of her, grabbed her by the shoulders and forced her to look into her eyes.

Elena pulled away gently, but firmly.

"My love is calling for me," she spoke and her voice had the texture of an old song. It sounded ethereal and ghostly.

"Well, she's officially gone insane," Rebekah declared, staring at her wide-eyed.

"My love will awaken soon. I must be by his side," Elena repeated in the same voice and moved past them.

"No, she's not insane," Stefan said, watching her receding figure. "I think she will lead us to Silas."

"Is this another stupid doppelganger thing?"

Stefan sighed. "Yeah. I have a feeling it's exactly that."

* * *

Bonnie was grateful for Jeremy's hand on her back. Small comfort as it was, it made a big difference when you were standing at the entrance of a cave that would lead to humanity's most feared enemy.

Ever since morning she'd been feeling unlike herself. It wasn't just the fact that she was trapped down here with Shane and Massak. It wasn't just Silas' proximity. Something about this island had set her off from the beginning and now it was becoming more and more palpable, this sensation of otherworldliness. She felt surer and surer she'd been here before. She even recognized the cave. But she had no clear memory of it. The thought of a past life scared her. Witches had no control over past lives. Witches had no control over possession. Emily had taught her that. She trembled at the notion that someone similar might inhabit her body.

"…we're on the brink of a monumental event in human history. We're going to raise the most powerful immortal creature that ever was. Come on, our work's not done yet," Shane was telling them, eyes brimming with excitement.

"It's all right, Bonnie. We'll be okay," Jeremy whispered in her ear.

Bonnie wondered if he was as frightened as she was. Jeremy made a good show of it, but his future was more uncertain than hers.

Keeping a steadfast grip on her, Jeremy hooked the harness around her body. She was supposed to go down first into the lower chamber of the cave.

The rope dangled back and forth as she slowly sank into the darkness below. She could already feel the temperature dropping several degrees. Jeremy looked down at her full of worry.

Bonnie smiled wanly.

Then her smile turned into a thin line. The air went out of her lungs. Her eyes watered.

"Bonnie?"

Jeremy could have sworn what happened next was impossible. He had been making sure the rope was tight. And then out of nowhere, it broke.

And Bonnie fell down on the cold hard ground. Unconscious.

"Bonnie!"

"What did you do?!" Shane yelled at him, pushing him away.

"Nothing, I –"

"If she's dead, then all of this has been in vain!"

"I didn't do anything, I swear! We have to go down and help her!"

But when they both found their way down in the lower chamber, her body was gone.

* * *

"What do you mean, it wasn't you?"

Vaughn threw him a look. "I'm telling ye, it wasnae me. Why would I save the Gilbert boy?"

"I don't know, you're a brotherhood of hunters, I don't understand your shitty folklore," Damon snapped.

"Careful, Damon. I'm a patient man…until I'm not."

But Damon no longer cared if the hunter soaked him in vervain from head to toe.

"If it wasn't you who stuck a hatchet in that guy's spine, then who?"

Vaughn scratched his chin in thought.

"Suppose that Original girl you brought along did it?"

Damon rolled his eyes.

"I knew another hunter called Alexander. He told me she's not to be trusted. He's met her before."

"Yeah, I bet he has. Rebekah befriends a lot of whiny humans. It's her weakness."

Vaughn scowled. "That tongue of yours will get you into –"

His foot collided with something solid in the grass.

They both stared down at the dead corpse of what used to be Massak, his throat slashed.

"Was that you?" Damon asked in a hollow voice.

Vaughn shook his head, wordlessly.

"I reckon there really is someone else on this island," the hunter said at length, steeling himself against the gruesome sight.

Damon tried to ignore the dread eating away at him. What if the next body they found was Jeremy's, or…

* * *

Bonnie felt the tip of her fingers run across the cool surface of the damp walls. She was moving, although she couldn't tell where she was going.

In fact, she felt as if she were being carried by a pair of invisible arms. Her feet didn't touch the ground.

She tried to open her mouth to speak, but a finger pressed on her lips. Her own finger.

_Do not speak, Bonnie. You may rest. Your work is done._

Bonnie felt as if she'd breathed in ice.

_Do not worry about yourself. You are my child. My children are safe. We are safe._

Bonnie tried to shake herself from the spell, but she was locked under layers of magic. Her own magic.

_This is the culmination of Expression_, the voice answered, reading her mind. _We are one._

Bonnie wanted to cry and scream and shout, but Qetsiyah's grip on her was too strong. She could only fall back into those invisible arms.

* * *

"Bonnie!? Bonnie!"

Jeremy ran in circles, hitting against rocks, fists colliding with the walls, desperately seeking the girl he'd lost in a maze of darkness.

When he looked back, he couldn't see Shane following him anymore and he was relieved. He didn't care if the man died. He just wanted to find Bonnie.

Little did he know she was waiting for him.

His legs slid across a smooth surface and he rolled down a trap door into a dusty clearing. He landed at her feet with a thump.

Jeremy groaned, lifting his eyes to the source of light.

"Bonnie!"

She was almost glowing.

He searched her face for that reassuring smile that was reserved just for him. He found nothing.

He lifted himself up.

"Are you okay?! We were worried sick about you!"

Qetsiyah wrinkled her nose.

"Stupid little boy."

She pressed a hand to his chest. The palm felt like a wave of painful heat. He knelt, his eyes smarting with tears.

* * *

Vaughn stopped and stood still. He felt the quake before the split. And sure enough, when he looked at his skin, he saw his tattoos vanishing, one by one.

Panic flickered across Damon's eyes.

"What's happening?"

"Looks like your witch is casting her spell."

Damon let out a breath of relief. He felt as if a giant weight had been lifted from his chest. She was alive. She was alive.

* * *

Stefan wanted to pull Elena away from the gaping hole in the ground, but she seemed to know what she was doing.

"Let her fall to her death for all I care," Rebekah grumbled under her breath.

"Elena? Is it down there?"

The doppelganger knelt down and shut her eyes. Her hands locked in a strange position. She seemed to be praying.

"Oh, for goodness' sake!" Rebekah exclaimed. "Is she becoming a witch now?"

Stefan crouched down next to her.

"She's saying something in some old language… I don't understand."

Rebekah scoffed. She was about to tell him he was being ridiculous, but she stopped transfixed.

"That's…that's old Aramaic. I haven't heard it since…well, since I was human."

"What is she saying?"

Rebekah tried to make out the words.

"It sounds like gibberish to me. Something about consummation. And sacrifice. And penitence. I think she's…asking for forgiveness."

"From whom?"

But Rebekah didn't have to translate that.

They both heard the name clearly. _Qetsiyah_.

Then, without warning, Elena jumped into the hole.

"Oh, bloody hell," Rebekah muttered and followed in, with Stefan close behind.

* * *

Vaughn stopped short at the entrance of the cave, yanking Damon by the chain.

"Here we are."

"Listen, you've got what you wanted. Your stupid tattoos are gone. No need to keep this charade going," Damon said, pointing at the chains.

Vaughn laughed.

"On the contrary, Damon. I really can't let you go now. No, I want to see it happen with my own eyes. I want to see her do it."

"And after that?"

"After that, I'll kill ye."

"Let me guess, because you're a…"

"Because I'm a vampire hunter, naturally."

* * *

"Is anyone there? Hello?"

Stefan knew that voice. It was coming from a place deeper within the cave.

"Shane?"

"Follow the sound of my voice. And you'll find me."

He sounded out of breath.

Stefan nodded towards Rebekah. "You keep watch on Elena."

The girl was several feet in front of them, walking firmly ahead.

Rebekah sighed and pressed on so she wouldn't lose track of the "raving lunatic", as she called her now.

After rounding several corners in the underground maze, Stefan heard the voice growing nearer.

"Oh, thank God you've found me."

Shane was trying to sit up, but one leg was trapped under several fallen stones.

"What happened to you?"

"I think Bonnie cast the spell on Jeremy. I got trapped under the rubble."

"You _think _she cast the spell?"

"Well, the truth is, Bonnie had an accident coming down here. When we went looking after her, she was gone. I'm not – I'm not entirely sure if we're dealing with her or another version of…her."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying Expression might have reached its peak. She has transformed."

"Into what?"

"Something much more powerful than you could possibly imagine."

Stefan felt a shiver run down this spine.

"Would you please – lend me a hand?" Shane asked, pointing at the stones.

Stefan stepped away.

"What makes you think I'll help you after what you did? It's your fault Bonnie's in this state."

"I can fix it – or at least, I can make it better. Your brother, he has to be here. If my calculations are correct, Vaughn should be leading him down here as we speak."

Stefan scrunched his eyebrows in confusion.

"What does Damon have to do with all this? What happened to my brother?"

Shane shut his eyes, feeling the pain in his leg grow worse.

"Don't worry, he's safe and – and he will be as long as he doesn't piss off the hunter. Too much."

"There's another hunter. Jesus," Stefan groaned, rubbing his forehead.

"Listen to me, Stefan. Your brother plays a crucial part in all of this. I can't say much now, I'm afraid I'll undo everything. But you have to trust me on this."

"Trust you? I feel like ripping your head off right now."

Shane grimaced in pain.

"Understandable. You can do that after all this is over."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying Damon is vital in getting that cure. And waking Silas."

"And you are telling us this now?!" Stefan bellowed at him, revealing his teeth.

"If I'd told you earlier, you wouldn't have understood –"

"Stefan!"

They both looked behind them.

"Stefan!"

It was Rebekah's voice. It was coming closer to them.

Stefan rushed back to meet her halfway.

Rebekah was standing in the middle of the tunnel, a bleak expression on her face.

"I can't pass. She went ahead without me. I tried to stop her, but it's a wall I can't get through –"

"Rebekah. Look at me. Calm down," Stefan said, grabbing her shoulders. "Show me what happened."

The Original led him further down the dark corridor until they reached a small crevice in the ground. Stefan extended his hand but it was like hitting bricks. No going further from that point on.

"This can't be a shield against vampires. Elena passed."

"Then what is it?"

"I have no idea."

Then suddenly, Stefan looked up. His ears were prickling.

"I think I can hear Damon."

* * *

Jeremy had moments when he felt more or less awake. And then, a new wave of darkness, stronger than the one before, pulled him down in the depths. He fell in and out of consciousness so often, he didn't realize he was lying down.

His wrists were slashed and blood was pouring from them freely on the ground.

Qetsiyah had already smeared the red liquid on Silas' coffin, her fingers lingering on the stone figure's mouth.

She seemed unperturbed. As if she were waiting for someone.

"I thought you would come, sooner or later."

Elena was standing at the entrance into the tomb. Her face was pale. Her hands were trembling.

"Come closer."

Bonnie's torpor seemed to fade a little at the sight of her friend. She saw Elena through Qetsiyah's eyes and she could feel the witch's anger.

"I want you to give your life to me freely," Qetsiyah told her calmly. "Will you do that?"

Elena knelt down, her eyes just as absent and spellbound as before.

"Forgive me, oh mother of the earth. Forgive the wandering daughter."

Her eyes traveled to the stone figure almost mechanically.

"_He_ is witness to my pain," Elena continued. "I have scoured this world and the next looking for him. I could not find him in either. I know now it was your will."

Qetsiyah nodded her head gravely.

"You and your sisters. How many of you are there?"

Elena lowered her head.

"Dozens."

"And all these doppelgangers, are they all looking for _him_?"

Elena nodded her head obediently.

Qetsiyah smirked.

"Have they suffered?"

"They have not all loved him like I have. They loved other men, wanted other lives. But they could not break free from your curse."

Qetsiyah grinned. "I merely gave them what they wanted. What _you_ wanted."

"Yes…"

"And now you understand, don't you? You understand how you have wronged me? You understand how your own desire has doomed you?"

Elena's voice had tears in it.

"I do, Qetsiyah, mother of the earth."

Qetsiyah's expression softened. "I know you have suffered. And I am not going to prolong it any further. It is time. It is time you had your peace. The past shall be erased. And you shall be ash once more. And your ashes will be mine."

The doppelganger let out a sigh in relief. She placed her elbows on the ground and lay like a hunted prey, ready to be given the final shot.

"N-no! Ele-na! No!"

The painful howl woke even Bonnie from her slumber. She heard more than saw Jeremy struggling to move behind her. Qetsiyah had not deigned to look.

"Elena, get out of here! Please!"

Her brother's desperate pleas seemed to break through the spell. Elena's eyes landed on him. She saw the blood pooling down next to him, his tear-streaked face. The same face she had seen for over sixteen years. The voice she had heard every morning waking up. That wry smile that always seemed to make her smile too.

A dormant instinct within her came to life and, without thinking any further, she lunged forward like a frightened animal and, reaching for his dying body, she pressed her open wrists to his mouth.

Jeremy started drinking, almost choking on the blood.

Qetsiyah let out a sharp growl of anger when she saw that her rival had fallen out of her grasp.

Elena was awake and she looked on the witch with a different kind of recognition.

"Bonnie."

* * *

Vaughn was a skilled fighter and a lethal hunter, but against two vampires and an Original he found himself lacking.

Rebekah pulled out the grenade from her chest with a hiss of pain. The wooden splinters had done an ugly job on her insides. Not to mention her outfit.

She was wobbling slightly. Still, she straightened her shoulders and prepared another attack on the hunter. Vaughn threw a lasso-like device at her covered in vervain, but she ducked and it hit Damon instead.

"Argh, thanks for that!"

"You're welcome," Rebekah replied and jumped straight on Vaughn, tackling him to the ground as they wrestled in hand-to-hand combat.

"Careful not to kill me darling, or you'll wind up with me in your dreams every night," Vaughn teased, spitting blood in her face.

Rebekah was tempted to finish him off just the same, curse or no curse.

Luckily, Stefan got back on his feet just in time. He had been put down by a tiny vervain bomb, but he was recovering quickly.

He grabbed a solid rock and while Rebekah pinned the hunter to the ground, he hit Vaughn over the head in such a way to leave him unconscious, but not kill him.

Rebekah sighed in annoyance and lifted herself up.

"What a tedious character. Alexander, at least, was charming."

"What are we waiting for?" Damon asked. "Let's go."

"I don't know if we can do much more down there," his brother replied, running a hand through his hair. "There's a magical wall blocking us off. Only Elena could pass through."

"You mean to tell me Elena and Bonnie are alone with Silas down there?"

"…there's probably Jeremy too."

"Oh, that's just _peachy_."

Stefan tilted his head in thought. He recalled what Shane had told him.

"We should give it another try, though. _You_ might make it through."

* * *

Elena fell with a thud on the floor.

"B-Bon-"

"You were doing fine, doppelganger. You were making progress. You were going to accept your fate. Now look at you," Qetsiyah spat in derision.

"Stop, please –"

"Why did you do it?"

"I didn't want – Jeremy – to die. I don't want – to die."

She was wheezing and panting, barely able to keep her body from writhing.

"You are as stubborn and foolish as before. What do you think will happen if he awakes? Do you think he will save you? Do you think he will let you live?"

Elena crawled on her hands and knees towards the corner of the room, but the witch wouldn't let her. She was pulled back by an invisible string.

"I will tell you what will happen. When I make him choose between him and you, he will choose himself. Every time."

"Bonnie, this isn't you." Elena croaked, trying in vain to knock some sense into her.

"I could have let you die a peaceful death. I could have set you free. Now, you have doomed both you and him to eternal torture!"

"I won't let you kill me or my brother, whatever you are!" Elena shouted back, anger welling up in her chest. This wasn't Bonnie. This was a monster. A witch-monster with dead eyes.

She backed away until her back hit the wall.

It was odd, getting back your emotions, bit by bit. She was feeling only half of what one would normally fear: there were small fragments of fear, hatred, guilt, pain, love, compassion and disgust springing up in her heart and she tried to latch onto them.

"Now I will have to take it from you when it could have been so easily given. But your kind has never made it easy."

Elena didn't want to die. Now that she could begin to feel again, she realized, despite everything she had done, all the pain she had inflicted on herself and others, she did not really want to die.

And, if she were to die, there was only one person who had the right to do it and that was Tyler.

"I only want the cure. That's the only thing I want," Elena said, raising her arms in defeat.

Qetsiyah chuckled. "And what will you do with the cure? Feed it to the man you love?"

Elena shook her head.

"No. It's not for myself either," she added, building up courage. "It's for the Originals. I – I want them dead."

Qetsiyah tilted her head.

"You lie. You think you can fool me. You wish to give Silas the cure."

Elena felt the strings that had pulled at her before wrap around her throat. A circle of fire scorched her skin.

"I don't – I swear!"

"I can read through you, doppelganger. I know your every secret. I know you harbor feelings for _him_."

Elena scrunched her eyebrows in confusion. She was pretty sure she didn't care for Silas at all. She didn't know what this witch could see, or whom, but she felt that it had something to do with Bonnie.

"You think I do not see how you struggle against your feelings. You think I do not see how much you love and hate him. I could have offered you a way out."

Realization suddenly dawned on Elena's face. The circle around her throat tightened. She blinked the tears away and clawed at her neck, as if trying to get out the daemon that was tormenting her. The layers of magic felt like chains of melting pitch. An ancient force, a dormant presence guided her words.

"He loves you, you know. He loves you."

She did not have to specify which he she was referring to.

"He doesn't know it yet, but he does," Elena continued hoarsely. She realized she wasn't lying. She had seen it in his eyes, in his gestures, this second shadow, the witch.

Bonnie had sprung up on him, unexpectedly. It had been coming gradually over the years, but it had gathered speed in the last month.

A little tremor shook Qetsyiah's body. For the first time, Bonnie had lifted her head from within. She could feel her own self rising shyly from that obscurity.

"You would say anything, wouldn't you?" Qetsyiah spat in anger. "Nothing is beneath you."

"He - he loves me too," Elena continued defiantly. "Bonnie knows that."

Bonnie's heart was slowing down, instead of going faster. She took a deep breath. The air she breathed in was Qetsyiah's air. She knew who she was, she could feel her existence as a separate entity, a foreign substance that had lived on after a tragic wreckage; she could form words in her head, words that disappeared as soon as they were spelled out; she could remember her childhood, her mother's face at the window, her grandmother singing songs to her, she could hear her voice chanting over the rustling pages of her Grimoire and yet her own body remained inaccessible, her identity truncated. It had been taken from her, taken to a place she could not follow. She wondered whether these were Qetsyiah's thoughts or hers. She dreaded to think the ancient witch could read them. Of course she could.

She felt so small and so calm, watching and listening, but not being able to react, to respond.

Elena was, in a way, the only means through which she could force her way out.

"But there is a difference," Elena added with some difficulty, trying futilely to get back on her feet. Her knees collided with the stone floor once more. "Our love is filled with hate. He loves me because he hates me and I hate him because I love him."

Bonnie gasped in shock, but it was swallowed by the unyielding silence that had taken over her every faculty. Qetsiyah only laughed mirthlessly, her eyes betraying nothing but an estranged detachment.

"He - He loves me to punish me for choosing Stefan," Elena finished in a whisper, choking up. "It's - it's always been this way with us."

Bonnie didn't realize that Qetsiyah had begun desiccating Elena, slowly and painfully.

Elena's voice was fading, her skin was closing in on itself, drying up, becoming the color of leaves in autumn.

" But your love is not hate. Your love is different. H-he loves you for - for -"

She could not go on. She was out of breath.

Bonnie lashed out against the invisible barrier. She cried out in anger, but her voice echoed back emptily in her own ears. She pushed and shoved and kicked madly, as if she were confined to a narrow space only she could inhabit. As if she were trapped in a coffin.

And suddenly, illuminated by a vision, her consciousness was struck by an image she had seen long ago in a dream; her body lying still in a coffin, she, awake and screaming, the lid falling soundlessly, shutting her off from the real world.

She had not dwelled on it, believing it to be a nightmare.

What other nightmares had she - had Qetsyiah - brought to life?

But she did not have time to think about that.

Qetsiyah had taken out a small dagger that glinted red in the dark. Bonnie realized Shane must have slipped it into her pocket before she had climbed down.

The witch closed in on Elena. She was going to plunge the dagger through her heart. Just like in that dream. Except, she was going to go through with it. She was going to finish what Bonnie hadn't been able to.

Bonnie screamed again and again, until her throat felt raw. She tried in vain to stop her, to prevent her from murdering her friend.

At the last moment, something latched on to her leg.

When Qetsiyah looked behind her, she saw Jeremy's hands were around her ankle, pulling her towards him. His wounds were healing and with that, his strength – the hunter's strength – was recovering as well.

"Run, Elena! Run!"

The girl didn't have to be told twice. She crawled out towards the tunnel, losing herself in the darkness.

Qetsiyah growled madly and in a blind fury, threw Jeremy across the room. He could feel half his bones breaking as he collided with the wall but he didn't care. He had to stop her from getting to his sister.

Qetsiyah was already running after Elena.

Jeremy couldn't see what was happening in the dark. He caught flashes of the dagger and went after it.

Qetsiyah had managed to grab hold of the doppelganger's leg. She turned her around hungrily and stared into her dread-stricken eyes.

"Why are you –" Elena started saying, but it was too late.

"I must take back what is rightfully mine," Qetsiyah recited, repeating the words that Shane had drilled into Bonnie's head so many times.

The incantation was released and its power reverberated against the walls. The dagger went through her chest, straight to her heart.

Jeremy froze in the middle of the corridor, watching the scene unfold.

The doppelganger's eyes rolled into her head and her body went perfectly still.

Then, quite, suddenly she burst into flames.

Jeremy yelled in agony.

"No! No! Elena, no!"

He was shell shocked. He couldn't even move. He knelt down next to his sister and tried to put out the flames.

"It's not fire," Qetsiyah said, a little out of breath. She turned around and started walking back into the tomb.

The doppelganger's corpse was pulled back after her by the same invisible strings.

Now the tomb was completely lit and Jeremy could see that the stone figure had risen from his position. It looked like he was waiting for the final step in the gruesome ceremony.

Jeremy was sobbing hysterically now, clutching onto Elena's leg. His sister was burning, but it was a magical fire that was consuming her and he could do nothing to save her.

"Her ashes will feed me, her ashes will revive me and he will love me again," Qetsiyah recited, her voice soft and melodious once more.

"Soon," she whispered, closing her eyes.

* * *

Damon was walking through the tunnels, trying to come up with a plan, _any_ plan that would ensure he could walk out of there safely with Bonnie and Elena. That was what Stefan had told him when he'd gone through the magical barrier.

"It's all on you now, Damon. Just... be careful, all right? And come back. Come back with the girls."

He didn't intend on disappointing him. So far, he had nothing. The place was almost like walking through a maze. Not very helpful.

He wandered around for what felt like hours and then, when he was about to lose hope and turn around, he heard a tiny voice, a tiny voice that was so soft and distant he almost thought it wasn't real.

He ran towards the sounds. For a second, he thought he'd hit a dead end but he snuck through a niche in the walls.

Now he could hear it clearly. And he could also trace a sliver of light coming from beyond the walls. Had he reached the other side of the cave? Would he emerge on a different part of the island?

The sounds became more distant. Someone was screaming and crying. This couldn't be good. Couldn't be good, at all.

He reached a stone-carved crossroads in the middle of the road leading in two opposite directions.

_Shit!_

He strained his ears and tried to catch the sounds coming from the left with his vampire hearing.

"...it hurts, help, someone, please...help."

His heart stopped. He knew that voice. It was weak and cracked beyond recognition. It was Elena's. She sounded as if she hadn't drunk blood in years.

She was alive. And she was down there.

His mind reeling, he turned towards the other path in the crossroads and pricked his ears.

He heard sobs. Painful sobs. So that was where the crying was coming from.

"He will love me again, he will love me again, he will love me again..." someone kept chanting over and over again in a sing-song voice.

Damon's heart stopped for a second time. Bonnie. She was alive too.

Two choices, two possibilities. Go left and find Elena. Go right and find Bonnie. He wanted to save both. He _would_ save both, no doubt about it. But whom would he go to _first_? Who needed his help the most?

He had to choose now. He was running out of time and he knew it.

And his feelings for them? Did that count?

No, it was only a matter of whom he could reach faster.

But they did. His feelings had always mattered more than they should have. They stood for everything. He was impulsive, he was very much human. He was exaggerately human, to the point where he could say he loved them both and it would be true.

And he did. He loved them both. He'd always known it. Now it was laid before him, the cold hard truth.

And both loves ran just as strong. In fact, he felt his heart was splitting in a perfect two.

He knew he had to move. He had to do it. He had to choose.

But as he stood at the stone-carved crossroads, a deep and dark tunnel of lust and love that split into infinite possibilities, he realized, finally, that there could only be one, one possibility. Not because his feelings were limited to one being, but because in this very moment, under these circumstances, in this very context, only one love was needed. Only one love mattered. Only one girl had his heart.

He turned right.

* * *

Bonnie saw him approach before he could see her. She thought she was imagining things. It couldn't be true. He couldn't be here.

_No. Damon. No! You have to leave! You have to go! Now! She can't take you too!_

She desperately wanted to tell him all these things, shout them at the top of her lungs. He was walking into a trap and she couldn't let it happen; she couldn't let Qetsiyah kill him too.

Although she had an eerie feeling something entirely different would happen, something much worse.

_Damon, please! Turn around! Go back!_ she yelled into the unbreakable silence.

Qetsiyah's entire face lit up when he entered the room.

"You are here. You chose me," she whispered to herself, swaying back and forth in the glowing light.

He was so relieved to see her that he didn't even notice the corpse burning softly in the corner, the trail of ash on the floor, or Jeremy kneeling next to it.

He ran towards her, as if he'd been released from a burden he didn't know he was carrying.

Qetsiyah whispered something strange and foreign in his ear as his arms pulled her in an embrace.

"Bonnie," he said, emotions flooding him as he cupped her face.

_Damon, don't!_ Bonnie shouted from within.

It was too late. His lips latched onto hers hungrily and his tongue opened her mouth as he swept her into a searing kiss.

Qetsiyah responded with equal ardor and they both lost themselves into the clash of their tongues as the light in the tomb began to grow stronger.

She suddenly bit into his lips and drew blood, which she lapped at hungrily. The same vampire blood Bonnie had grown so fond of.

Damon almost pulled away, but she pressed herself to him harder and he felt he couldn't let her go. Her arms were around his neck, his were around her waist and they were holding on to dear life. It was hard even for Bonnie to resist. She let herself be held and for once, she did not fight the sensations Qetsiyah was making her feel.

Flooding light blinded him. The earth beneath him began to shake.

Stones began to crumble. A sharp noise, like a screeching tire, broke the silence and made his eardrums pop.

He staggered back and looked around him in a daze.

The tomb was alit like a Christmas Tree.

And Bonnie, Bonnie Bennett had fallen into his arms, unconscious.

Damon cradled her in his arms, checking for a pulse. She was breathing, barely.

A powerful wind had started blowing.

That is when he saw that the tomb was now empty.

The stone figure was gone. And so was the corpse of what used to be Elena.

Jeremy was the first to cry out.

"Elena! Elena!"

His eyes flashed towards Damon and Bonnie.

"It was her! She did it! That psycho killed her!" Jeremy shrieked, pointing his finger at Bonnie.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Damon asked, beginning to feel something had gone terribly wrong.

"Bonnie was possessed by some daemon bitch! She killed Elena right in front of me and now – now I don't know what to do," Jeremy continued through sobs.

Damon felt his knees going weak.

"No. No, she couldn't have."

"She did. She fucking did. She stabbed her right in the heart. And then Elena burst into flames. And now – Jesus, now Silas took her!"

It was true. Her body couldn't be found anywhere.

Damon needed to sit down. He collapsed on the floor with Bonnie in his arms. She looked as if she were sleeping.

Damon shook his head.

"This can't be happening."

Jeremy lifted himself up from the floor weakly and searched through the coffin.

"The cure's gone too. Elena died for nothing," he said and his voice was so miserable and so bleak that it made Damon's heart break.

"I didn't. I _won't_ die for nothing."

Damon didn't think someone could be flooded with so much relief at once.

Elena was standing at the entrance. She was limping and the skin around her neck looked red, but she was there, she was alive.

Jeremy looked at her in astonishment.

"But how – I saw you – you were dead –"

"Katherine. That was Katherine. She's been following us for some time. Guess it finally caught up with her."

"When...?"

"Qetsiyah caught her instead of me when I tried to run. If it weren't for you, Jer, I'd be dead."

Jeremy wanted to cry again but Elena rushed to him and they were in each other's arms before he or she could say or do anything else.

The wave of emotions hit Elena like a hurricane. This time it wasn't in halves. She couldn't hide anymore, she couldn't block the feelings. She was herself again.

All the guilt and all the pain returned with a vengeance. But with them, hope returned too.

* * *

Bonnie stirred in her sleep. She could hear hushed voices talking nearby.

"…game plan to see how we track Silas."

"Do you think Katherine's still alive?"

"Jeremy says she was burning, but it wasn't real fire. I wouldn't put it past her to survive that kind of thing."

"I still don't understand how that ritual was supposed to work."

"I don't either, but maybe once Bonnie wakes up, we'll know more."

Despite the low voices, she could clearly hear how worried they sounded.

She felt a weight next to her body. She was lying in bed. And someone was sitting by her side.

She stirred again and this time, the two vampires noticed.

"Damon, is she –"

"Shush. Bonnie, Bonnie, can you hear me?"

Her eyelids opened slowly, trying to adjust to the light. Everything was too bright and clean.

She was in a hospital room, from what she could tell.

A handsome young man was staring at her. His eyes were the deepest blue she had ever seen.

"Can you talk?"

"Sorry?" she croaked hoarsely.

"Oh, good," he said, placing a cold hand on her arm. "You're back. I was beginning to wonder."

"What happened?" she asked, coughing in the process. Her throat felt very dry.

The man standing some feet away, handsome and tall as well, poured her a glass of water.

"Thanks," she muttered as she took the glass and sipped from it gingerly.

The man who was sitting on her bed grabbed her chin lightly and turned her face to him.

"How are you feeling?"

"I think I'm okay," she replied, staring down at the bed sheets. "But I'm probably not, since I'm here."

"Do you remember what happened?"

"Um, I don't remember much actually."

"Okay, can you tell us the last thing you can remember? We know you were possessed."

Bonnie's eyes widened. "I was? Oh, that sounds pretty bad."

The man sitting next to her frowned. "Yeah, you could say that."

"Well, I – honestly, I don't remember anything."

"Nothing at all?"

His hand rubbed her arm in what she supposed was a comforting gesture. She pulled away, uneasy.

"No. I'm sorry, but do I know you? I don't think we've ever met."


End file.
